


8bits

by lepiafbleu



Category: Free!
Genre: (goes from 6-year-old MH to mid-twenties MH), Canon Divergence, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mario Kart, Mutual Pining, Singstar, Slow Build, The Sims, alternating pov, pikmin - Freeform, you don't need to know the games tbh, you hated Haru's character development in Eternal Summer? me too!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:43:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 58,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5366957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepiafbleu/pseuds/lepiafbleu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I remember sitting next to you on the striped yellow carpet, sitting so close I sometimes forgot how to breathe. Holding a controller in my hands, my eyes fixated on the screen, my stomach full of butterflies. My heart and mind so full of you. I loved you so much already, and I think it began there."</p><p>Makoto and Haru's relationship seen through moments when they play video games together.<br/> </p><p>[Chapter 6 : The Sims [Part 2]</p><p>"Makoto looked at his Sim's current confirmed wishes. Jogging until being exhausted, playing with Mackerel, petting a raccoon and going to the park. Pretty mundane wishes, easy to fulfill. He had those little wishes for specific reasons though. Haru wouldn't see that Makoto's Sim also regularly wanted to passionately kiss Haru's Sim, “woohoo” with him or even marry him. That definitely was a very bad way to come out and confess to Haru. Though Makoto was very curious to see how their virtual marriage would look."]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

"This brings back so many memories !" Makoto exclaims.  
"What are you talking about ?"

Haru sits next to Makoto who's looking in an opened cardboard box. Several old video games and their consoles are inside. That box hasn't been touched for a while. Makoto didn't have the place to put a television in his dorm room, let alone plug in a console or two, so he had just left the box in a corner.

"You had bought me that one !"  
"I thought you'd get better at cooking with it."  
"And I never did..."  
"You're a lost cause." Haru scoffed.  
"I really am." Makoto sighed.

The two men search the contents of the cardboard box, unearthing memories of their younger years. They laugh and whisper in awe as those moments surface. Echos of children cheering, crying, whispering in Makoto's bedroom, in his childhood's home.

"Some of those are ten years old now, I feel so old !"  
"We're only twenty-two, Makoto." Haru replied matter-of-factly.  
"I know that."  
"We have our whole life in front of us."  
"I know that !" Makoto whined, exasperated.  
"We finally live together."

Makoto's face lightens up so much, the whole apartment feels warmer. Haru can't help smiling too, his heart feeling both full and very light.  
  
"We do !" Makoto laughs.  
"Yeah."  
  
They giggle quietly as they lean against each other. They should probably empty the cardboard boxes and move in, but they're too tired and too happy. They sit in the middle of a dozen of opened boxes, staring at each other, reveling in the other's presence by their side.  
  
"Now that I think about it" Makoto ponders. "If we are where we are now, it's because of those video games."  
"What do you mean ?"  
"I don't know, we sat close together for hours in my bedroom, talking things out while crushing the other at Mario Kart or collecting fossils in Animal Crossing. I remember sitting next to you on the striped yellow carpet, sitting so close I sometimes forgot how to breathe. Holding a controller in my hands, my eyes fixated on the screen, my stomach full of butterflies. My heart and mind so full of you. I loved you so much already, and I think it began there."

Haru hums, his whole face feeling warm. He kisses Makoto's smile, tender like his lips and the words that come out of it. Maybe it really began there. As the kiss ends, their sighs as one, Makoto smiles excitedly.

"Why don't we play them now ?"

 

• • •

 

"Haru-chan !"

Makoto found Haru sitting on top of the stone steps they took together everyday. He began to run towards him. Stopped at the sight of the stray cat Haru was petting. Instead, he carefully went up the stairs. He still couldn’t help the little spring in his step and his excited smile.

"Haru-chan !" he said more quietly that the first time.  
"What ?"

Makoto sat next to Haru on the steps slightly warmed by the afternoon sun. He gave the grey cat a light pat on the head before putting a thick and colorful paperback book on his lap. Haru raised an eyebrow, looking at it from the corner of his eye. Makoto went through the toy store catalogue to a page he had previously dog-eared.

"Mom and Dad have just told me they were okay with buying a video game console for my eighth birthday ! But I don’t know what to choose, what do you think, Haru ?"

Makoto turned the catalogue towards Haru with a smile, leaning in and watching him expectantly.

"I don’t know. I’m not the one playing with it.  
"But there’s no point if you’re not playing with me ! It’s no fun to play alone, we should choose one we both like !"

Haru looked at Makoto for a second, his eyes slightly widened, before looking closer at the catalogue with a frown. He went several pages before, then several pages after the one Makoto had showed him. He let out a small sigh, still staring at the catalogue.

"I don’t think there are any games about swimming or fishes Haru, I’m sorry ! If I ever hear about one I’ll tell you, ok ?"

Haru just nodded, not making any eye contact. He just went back to his usual calm expression and turned the catalogue back towards Makoto. Haru looked him in the eye the way that would only leave Makoto in awe no matter how many times he did it. The stare that finds the way through to Makoto’s heart. Makoto bit his lip to stop himself from smiling at the thought that Haru would rather figure out the answer himself instead of asking him the question directly "And you ? What do _you_ want ?". In the end, Makoto let his smile shine through and giggled a bit nervously.

"Haru, you’re looking at me so seriously ! We still have plenty of time to choose, my birthday is next month after all, you know !"  
"Why did you show me that now, then ?" Haru pouted, turning his head away from Makoto.

Makoto went back to flipping through the pages, glancing a few times at Haru who went from sulking to petting the cat. Makoto stopped at a page. Haru imperceptibly ― or so he thought ― turned his head towards him. Makoto read a paragraph, frowning a bit in concentration. He gasped.

"Haru, look !" Makoto whispered excitedly, as if he didn't know if he really wanted Haru's attention.

Haru's whole body turned towards him and leaned to look at the catalogue.

"There's a game where you live in a village full of animals, and there's an octopus ! I know that's not a fish, but that's a bit close... right ?"

Haru hummed noncommitally.

"Hm... there's also a game with cute aliens and some of them live in water ?"

Haru still had a blank expression.

"T―They sounded nice, I think." Makoto began to fidget with the dog-eared corner of the page, pursing his lips.  
  
"Sounds nice, yeah."

The corners of Haru's mouth slightly turned up, his gaze still somewhere on the catalogue. Makoto mirrored his expression with his usual bright grin. He took a green crayon out of his shorts' pocket and drew a large circle around the games they chose. Makoto closed the catalogue and held it tightly against his chest.

"I can't wait, Haru ! You will come at my house to play all the time, right ?"  
"Too much effort."

Makoto was about to whine, but saw a spark in Haru's eyes and a hint of a smile. He laughed instead.

"So mean, Haru !"

Their whispers and giggles blended with the rustling of leaves above them. They stayed there, on the stone steps that linked them, until the sun set on the small port town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written fanfiction since 2008, time flies !


	2. Pikmin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pikmin is a strategy video game developed by Nintendo. The first game was released for the GameCube in 2001.  
> Captain Olimar crashes his spaceship on an unknown planet inhabited by colorful aliens called Pikmin. Together, they try to find the missing pieces of the spaceship so Captain Olimar can go back to his planet.
> 
> Thanks to my beta kimie123 ! :D

"Haru, you can’t go there with the blue Pikmins! There’s a fire at the end of the bridge."

"Water spirits can resist fire."

"Not those, though! Don’t throw them in the fire, Haru!"

"Ok."

  
Haru stopped his blue Pikmins in front of the bridge that separated them from the sixth spaceship piece they needed to collect. It was still morning in the game, so they still had plenty of time before coming back to the spaceship at sunset. Haru sighed, his brow slightly furrowed, and began to go around the bridge by the water. They both realized after a few minutes of following the wood barrier along the river that it was quite obviously impossible. It would’ve been too easy otherwise. Haru then ran in circles in the water, his group of little blue Pikmins following him. They ran and ran and ran in the water, making the light reflect on the waves they formed. Makoto glanced at Haru, then at the screen again. Haru was still running aimlessly in the river with his group of Pikmins. Makoto stopped looking at the screen altogether, staring at his best friend with growing concern instead.

  
"I want to swim."

"Haru! Is that why you’ve been doing that all this time?" Makoto sighed.

"How do they breathe underwater anyway."

"Through the leaf on their head maybe? Like photosynthesis?"

  
Haru hummed and stopped running in circles. He put the gamepad on his lap and looked at it. He pursed his lips.

  
"Do you want me to play this part?" Makoto asked.

  
Maybe Haru only liked blue Pikmins after all, but they couldn’t just spend the entire evening literally running in circles. Haru probably wouldn’t mind though, knowing him. Makoto smiled at the idea of Haru playing in the pixelated water, admiring the virtual waves on his screen for hours.

That was part of the reason why Makoto had bought this game. He knew how much Haru disliked winter. He missed swimming a lot and he had to wear a lot of uncomfortable layers not to get sick. If Haru stayed alone at his own house during the holidays, he would probably spend them in the bath. Instead, Makoto had invited him. He thought his best friend would appreciate this game full of lush vegetation and fresh water. As the freezing wind shook the windows of Makoto's bedroom, the two boys could imagine they were in spring already.

Someone knocked on the door. It opened, revealing Makoto's mother.

  
"Makoto, your father and I are going shopping with Ran and Ren, alright? Do you need anything?"

  
Makoto made eye contact with Haru. The black-haired boy blinked at him, his expression unchanged.

  
"We're fine, mom, thanks!"  
  
"By the way, I thought of making oyakodon for dinner tonight. Is that okay with you, Haru?"

  
He nodded. Makoto's mother smiled and left, not completely closing the door of her son's bedroom. He could hear the enthusiastic chirps of his baby siblings downstairs. The entrance door closed. The house fell silent. Makoto closed the door.

His parents were going in town with the twins to buy them clothes and supplies for their first year of kindergarten. A few days earlier, Ran and Ren were proudly parading around the house wearing their brand new blue uniforms and yellow hats. They had grown so much already! Makoto could still clearly remember when he saw the twins in his mother's arms at the hospital. They were so small! The boy loved his siblings the second he saw them. As Makoto made eye contact with them for the first time, he hoped that quiet wonder would never leave their eyes. He promised to himself that he'd try being the best big brother he could be and that he would always protect them from harm.

Haru put the gamepad on the floor and pushed it a few centimeters towards Makoto without looking at him.

  
"You can play that part. Do what you want."

"Thanks Haru!" said Makoto with a smile. "If we need blue Pikmins again, I’ll let you play, okay?"

  
Makoto took the gamepad and went to the spaceship to pick red Pikmins. Makoto took really good care of all of them, making sure they all had little flowers on their heads instead of the leaves. Makoto would still love them no matter what they looked like or how fast they ran, of course. In fact he liked those little creatures so much, he even asked Haru to teach him how to draw them. They might have looked pretty simple, but Makoto never managed to draw one properly.

He still tries to doodle them in his notebooks’ margins, every once in a while.

He went back to the bridge with his group. The wooden bridge had no barriers on the sides, so he had to be very careful about it. This type of Pikmin isn’t able to survive in the water, after all. Makoto walked as slowly as he could, trying to keep his Pikmins in a tight group so none would fall in the river. Makoto barely dared to breathe. He had done this tons of times before, so it would be alright. Just stay focused, walk slowly. That way, nothing would happen. His hands were trembling.

One, two, three Pikmins fell in the river.

Makoto gasped, jumping out of his seat. As he tried to rescue them, his movements frantic, more began to fall in the river, uselessly struggling and screaming. It all came back to him.

The fishermen. The line of people in white clothes. The white scarf in the river. Haru.

His eyes became redder. His lips trembled. He gripped the gamepad so tightly his knuckles whitened. Still even his arms trembled, and a tear fell on his hand. Makoto threw the gamepad far from him. He cowered against the wall, his sobs muffled in his pajama sleeve.

Haru took the gamepad on the floor while Makoto was still sobbing.

  
"I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…" He repeated again and again.

  
Haru just hummed, still playing. This went on for a minute or two. Makoto was only sniffling by then, his face hidden on his knees, his breath a bit steadier. He could hear the familiar whistle of Captain Olimar and the sound of Haru calmly pushing on the buttons. He forced himself to take deep breaths, swallowing the remaining of his sobs.

Haru poked his arm with the gamepad.  
 

"Makoto. Here."

  
Makoto raised his head. His eyes were puffy and red and traces of his tears could be seen on his cheeks. He looked at the screen and gasped.

  
"Haru! You saved them!"

"Yeah."  
 

Haru had always been the strongest one. Maybe Haru should have been a big brother and not Makoto. Haru could protect Ran and Ren. Makoto couldn't even prevent small virtual creatures from drowning. Makoto was too clumsy and weak to be Ran and Ren's brother, he could only make them unhappy. Makoto's bright smile broke. He was tearful again, biting his lip.

  
"I’m too weak, I couldn’t even save them myself… If you weren't there, they would have..." He said, his voice trembling.

“Don’t say that.”

  
To Makoto’s surprise, Haru, instead of frowning in frustration, stared at him with a soft concerned expression. His body not any closer but slightly turned towards him. He slowly put down the gamepad next to Makoto’s feet.

  
“Don’t say that, Makoto.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” He said, smiling through his last remaining tears. He soon wiped them with his sleeve, calming his breathing again.

  
A few minutes later, Makoto went to take the gamepad next to him. It wasn’t there. Haru was playing with the red Pikmins. He had already crossed the bridge and was bringing the item they needed to the spaceship. As the sun was setting in the game, he had brought all the Pikmins back to safety.

The sun rose on Captain Olimar's seventh day on the unknown planet. The small astronaut looked around his new surroundings. They were separated from the next part of the level by water. Haru's eyes shined with excitement.

  
"Looks like we're going to need blue Pikmins, Haru!"

  
The black-haired boy glanced at him from the corner of his eye and pushed the gamepad near Makoto.

  
"Yeah, it's okay now."

  
Makoto stared at his best friend. A smile lit up his face.

Captain Olimar led the blue Pikmins across the river. No cries, only the light ripples on the water.


	3. Mario Kart : Double Dash!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario Kart : Double Dash!! is a racing game developed by Nintendo. It was released for the GameCube in 2003.
> 
> Thanks to my beta kimie123!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eight months since the last update...  
> And this chapter was 95% completed the whole time!
> 
> I was pretty busy with life, writing news articles and real estate reports instead of fanfiction.  
> It was cool, but nothing beats writing Makoharu fluff!
> 
> Enjoy ^^

Makoto had been super excited and restless all day at school, Haru could tell. During the morning, he had that smile on his face and his eyes were all shiny from how happy he was, even though they were in english class, the one they both disliked the most. At lunch, he devoured his bento — beef curry and rice, courtesy of Mrs. Tachibana — and he couldn't stop rambling. About his parents and siblings, about the swim club, about the stray cats, about video games, about anything. Makoto was simply unstoppable. Haru didn't find himself to mind. He liked when Makoto talked a lot, because a silent Makoto is usually an unhappy Makoto. Haru tried to listen, even if he never replied. Makoto didn't expect Haru to reply anyway, he knew when Haru cared and when he didn't.

People had always tried to make Haru into someone he wasn't. "Say hi!", "Say thank you!", "Say it louder!", "What do you say to the lady?". Haru lost count of the times when people told him that. He only found two people in his life who never asked him to speak more than he wanted to : his late grandmother and Makoto. His grandmother had passed away two weeks before. The time he used to spend with her, he tried spending it with Makoto instead.

They were already together most of the time already, that was true. After all, they went to school together, ate together on the roof, sat next to each other in class, were in the same club and came back home together. Even on a life-long term, the only way they could have known each other for a longer time was if Makoto was born five months earlier. When Haru had asked Makoto's mother about it, she said Makoto would have been too little and too weak if he was born at the same time as Haru. Haru looked at Makoto, as they walked back home. Makoto had grown taller than him, half-a-head taller in fact, his shoulders were broader too and Haru could noticed how muscular he was becoming week after week of swimming training. He was talking extensively about his siblings' shenanigans, his melodic laugh revealing a bright smile. Even though he had to wait for five months for Makoto to be born, he was glad his best friend was healthy and happy. Haru looked back at the sea. 

  
"By the way Haru, do you want to come to my house?"  
  
"Okay." Haru said with a nod.  
  
"My parents bought me a new video game, you know, the one with cars?"  
  
"Mario Kart?" Haru looked back at Makoto.  
  
"Yeah! If I remember well, there are two pilots on the same car. We can pilot the same car, Haru!"

"How can two people be the pilots?" Haru frowned.

"I don't really know, I guess we'll see?" Makoto replied with a sheepish smile.

  
They walked up the stone steps that led to Makoto's house. Immediately after opening the front door, they heard two pairs of hurried steps and cheerful cries. Makoto laughed fondly and crouched on the floor.

  
"Brother!" Ran and Ren yelled, throwing themselves in their big brother's opened arms.

"Hey, you two!" Makoto smiled at them, trying to keep his balance.

"Haru-chan! You're staying for a sleepover tonight? Pleaaaaase!" Ren whined.

"We have to ask mom and dad first, alright?" Makoto replied as he ruffled his little brother's hair.

"Okay..." Ren pouted.

  
Makoto stood up. Ran still held his hand, while Ren went to Haru's side to grip the hem of his school blazer. He looked up at Haru and made a sign asking him to crouch next to him.

  
"If the parents say no, I'll hide you in a blanket fort, okay? I won't tell mom!" He murmured, holding his pinky finger out.

"It's bad to lie to your parents, Ren. If I can't stay this time, I'll do some other time, it's fine." Haru replied with a small smile.

"Okay... I hope you can stay, it's not even a week day! And we got a new video game!"

"I know, Makoto told me. Let's join them in the kitchen now, okay ?"

  
Haru took the child's hand before joining Makoto and Ran in the kitchen. Makoto looked back at him with a victorious grin.

  
"Mom said you can stay the night, Haru! You can get your pajamas and toothbrush, Dad will help me get out the futon."

  
Haru nodded, putting his shoes on again and going to his house as he heard the twins insist that he should sleep in their room and not Makoto's. Haru snorted. He went up the steps to his own house in a small jog. He packed pajamas, a blue one with orange fishes that his mother had bought him. It had become a little too short on the sleeves. He took his toothbrush and figured this was enough. He held them in his arms as he got back to his best friend's house.

  
"Good evening, Haru! Makoto, Ran and Ren are already upstairs." Makoto's mother told him.

"Thank you." Haru nodded shyly.

  
Haru went up the stairs in a slightly quicker pace than usual. He heard laughs and yells from Makoto's bedroom, so he knocked on the door. The cries stopped for two seconds before Ran and Ren opened it wide, yelling "Haru-chan!" like they hadn't seen him for years. Haru snorted and he couldn't help a tender smile from reaching his lips. Behind them, Makoto was sitting on the floor against his bed, wearing glasses and holding a controller. The brown-haired boy smiled fondly with a tilt of the head. Haru's stomach stirred, making him gasp silently. His warm green eyes, crinkled at the corners, looked like trees' foliage in summer, when the sun shines through the leaves.

  
Ran and Ren pulled him towards their big brother and sat him on the floor. Then Ran sat on Haru's lap and Ren on his brother's. Makoto gave a controller to Haru who mumbled a shy "thank you".

  
"So, Haru, we've played a race or two while you were gone and we figured out the two pilots thing."

"Hm?"

"Basically one drives and the other throws items at the other racers. You can switch the two people whenever you want during the race."

"Okay."

"Ran, Ren, you share a kart and I'll share with Haru, alright?" Makoto asked, taking his "responsible big brother" voice.

  
Ran and Ren chose Yoshi and Luigi with the Yoshi kart, while Haru chose Koopa Troopa and Makoto Baby Mario with the blue baby carriage. Just one easy race in three laps so that Haru can get used to the game system, Makoto said. Haru frowned. This game couldn't be that complicated, if 5-year-old kids could get it right away. If he's the driver, A to accelerate, B to brake (but who needs to brake in Mario Kart?), L and R to drift. If he's at the back to throw items, any button means "throw item". Easy enough.

  
"Which race do we start with?" Makoto asked.

"The one in the desert!" Ren yelled.

"No, the one in a cruise boat!" Ran replied louder.

"Don't fight already, or mom will make you go back to your room." Makoto shushed them. "Is there one you'd like to try, Haru?"

"The one on the beach seems nice."

"Should have known you'd choose this circuit." Makoto sighed with a smile.

  
Truth was, Makoto knew but he would rather ask Haru to be sure. He had always been that way. Haru had always done that with him too. Knowing everything about the other, and pretend not to. Let the other open up at their own pace. Know when to talk, or when to let their eyes speak for themselves, or sometimes when to not speak at all. Though those last times were rare, as far as Haru could remember.

Makoto chose Peach Beach. The track loaded. Ren and Ran were beginning at the seventh place, Makoto and Haru at the eighth place out of eight. Haru was starting at the back of the kart. He didn't mind, Makoto was a good pilot so he could trust him to drive and just throw items at the right time and place. He glanced on his right. Makoto adjusted his glasses with a focused frown. Haru looked back at the screen, retaining his smile. Makoto usually looked a bit scatterbrained, but he was always really concentrated when he played video games. Haru glanced at him one last time as the countdown started.

 

**3**

**2**

**1**

**START!**

 

Makoto quickly took the lead, the twins following in third position. Makoto took an item box for Haru. A banana peel. Not really useful. Haru threw it backwards. Makoto took precise, narrow turns, avoiding the green shells and banana peels as they were almost at their second lap. Ran and Ren were closing in at the second place, still quite a way behind them. Haru glanced at Makoto, who was leaning forwards and biting his lip. Haru got this weird feeling in his stomach again. They arrived to the beach part of the race. The finish line was close.

  
"Wah!" Makoto yelped as a Cataquack threw their kart upwards. "Noooo..."

  
The twins cheered as they took the first place at two laps and a half. Makoto ran into an item box again. A green shell. Haru threw it forwards, missing the twins' kart by a few centimeters to the left. Ran and Ren sighed in relief.

  
"My bad." Haru and Makoto said simultaneously.

  
Haru felt his cheeks heat up slightly. He frowned. There was nothing embarrassing in that situation, why was he reacting this way then? He asked himself as their kart reached the finish line a few seconds after Ran and Ren.

  
"I'm not letting you win so easily next time!" Makoto said, tickling his little sister as revenge. Ran howled with laughter before jumping out of her brother's arms.

"You can try to fight with Haru-chan against us, but we'll always win!" She replied, sticking her tongue out.

"Yeah!" Ren cheered as he raised his small hand in a balled-up fist.

"We'll see that."

  
Makoto let Ran sit in his lap again as they were back to the menu to choose a new circuit. Dry Dry Desert. Makoto ran into two cactus at the last lap. Daisy Cruiser. Makoto ran into every single table of the dining room at the last lap. Baby Park. Makoto ran into a banana peel at the last lap. Makoto's mother came into the room right at the end, telling the twins that it was time to go to bed. They whined for a while, stopping only when Makoto and Haru pretended they were going to sleep to anyway because they were too tired. The door of Makoto's bedroom closed.

Haru stared at Makoto as if trying to pierce his skull, since he was deliberately trying to avoid eye contact.

  
"Okay I admit, I let them win every time." Makoto sighed in defeat, turning a bit towards Haru but still looking at the floor.

"Why?"

"That way, they're happy. That's all." Makoto shrugged. "I don't want them to stop playing video games because they keep losing."

"They'll know you're just pretending at some point, you know that."

"I guess I'll make us win once in a while so they're not suspicious. Don't make me feel bad for trying to make them happy, Haru!" Makoto whined.

"I'm not."

  
Haru clearly wasn't. He always admired what an exceptional big brother Makoto was to Ran and Ren. He always took great care of them, always making compromises for them. He helped them with their homework, played with them, stopped the fights between them, hugged them. He loved them a lot, that went without saying. As Haru couldn't let the words out, he hoped he could convey what he felt as Makoto stared back at him. Makoto smiled, a bit embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his neck. Haru's heart skipped a beat.

  
"Do you want to continue playing, Haru? Or are you tired?"

"I can still play."

"Okay! Hm... looks like we can only share the kart if we play in a Grand Prix, so for four circuits in a row. Is that okay ?"

  
Haru hummed. They chose the Mushroom Cup in 50cc, the easiest, with the same characters and kart. On the first race, Luigi Circuit, they won so easily it looked like a joke. Their opponents were almost a lap behind as they crossed the finish line. Makoto was almost bouncing on his seat with excitement. Haru muffled a small laugh in his hand.

  
"Do you want to drive this time, Haru?"

"I don't really care either way. Do what you want."

"You always say I'm wishy-washy but you're no better, Haru !" Makoto moaned. "I'm letting you drive this time!"

  
It was Peach Beach again. They won fairly easily again, though not as much as the race before. They might have finished in second place if Makoto hadn't thrown a green shell right at their opponent in the third lap. Makoto got the hang of that game really fast. He had always been really good at video games. Anyone who thought he was just a laid-back, totally inoffensive gentle giant had never played video games with him. Haru was glad Makoto preferred cooperating with him instead of playing against each other. Haru wasn't a fan of losing all the time.

At third was Baby Park, a tiny, simple circuit that had seven laps instead of three because of how small it was. Haru got pretty merciless with the green shells, while Makoto was avoiding them easily, letting them crush their enemies instead. The opponents were a lap behind them again. Haru didn't show it —he was sure Makoto could tell anyway — but this was getting him pretty riled up. Not as much as swimming, but this was not bad either.

Their final circuit was Dry Dry Desert. Haru learned progressively when and where to use the mushrooms to benefit them the most, though sometimes Makoto would signal that moment to him. They got the first place once again.

Makoto was ecstatic when they got the gold cup, even though that was completely predictable from their results. His eyes so full of happiness they looked like they were holding sunshine, his smile wide and bright, his laugh soft and melodious like the birds that wake Haru up on summer break. Haru usually looked away when he was embarrassed or overwhelmed. At that instant he felt both, his cheeks and neck getting warm, yet he couldn't bring himself to look away.

  
"It's getting late already..." Makoto said, looking at the clock on the wall. "Can we do another cup, though? Last one, I promise!"

  
Haru shrugged. They chose the second cup, the Flower Cup, still in 50cc. Haru drove in the first two races, Makoto in the two others. Haru could feel the conflict of emotions going on in Makoto's head as they won race after race. He was still pretty elated that they got in first place, but that was too easy and he needed a challenge, badly. They still did the Star Cup in easy mode too to have all the gold cups in that mode. They won eventually, even as Haru began dozing off during the third and fourth races, throwing only an item or two.

As their characters paraded through the city with their star gold cup, Makoto laughed, the sound discreet like the wind in the leaves. Haru realized he had fallen asleep, still sitting on the floor. Makoto was smiling at him fondly. Haru felt his heart beating faster and faster. He glanced away, warmth surfacing on his face again.

  
"Let's go to sleep Haru, we can play again tomorrow if you want."

  
Haru hummed with a small nod, unable to say more. Good thing he didn't need words with Makoto.

They slept side by side in the futon, as they were both too big to fit in Makoto's bed together. Makoto and Haru were facing each other. Makoto still smiled that warm smile as he looked at Haru. Haru could melt under his stare — somehow, that didn’t sound so bad — so he hid up to his eyes under the covers. Makoto laughed.

  
"Why do you smile at me like that all the time." Haru asked, his voice muffled by the covers.

"I like playing with Haru, that's all." Makoto replied. "I like spending time with you."

  
Haru was feeling weird all over again. Was he sick? Maybe he would take some medicine and sleep tomorrow. He looked away.

  
"You're saying embarrassing things."

"Sorry, Haru." Makoto’s lips curled into a smile that said the opposite.

  
They looked at each other in silence. Haru shuffled a bit closer to Makoto, though he didn't know why. He just wanted to. Makoto blinked, his eyes widened.

  
"Oh, I didn't turn off the lights!" Makoto exclaimed, jumping out of the covers. "Silly me..."

  
Haru hadn't realized it. Makoto turned off the lights and walked back to the futon. He got under the covers, closer to Haru than before. Haru gasped.

  
"Ah sorry, Haru!" Makoto whispered, his warm breath caressing Haru's face. "I didn't realize I was so close."

"I don't mind." Haru blurted, and regretted immediately.

"Really? I'll stay here, then?"

  
Haru hummed. He couldn't see Makoto, but somehow this was even worse than before. Or better? Haru had no idea what was happening. He could hear and feel Makoto's quiet breathing and he found himself wanting more. He didn't know what that "more" was. He decided not to care. He would care another day. He just wanted some sleep. He yawned and heard the same sweet airy laugh.

  
"Good night, Haru."

"Good night."

  
Haru woke up in the middle of the night to Makoto gripping Haru's shirt in his sleep. Feeling his warm hand against his hip was making Haru dizzy. He wanted to take Makoto's hand away and get up to get a glass of water. Hearing Makoto's quiet deep breaths and making out his best friend's peaceful smile in the dark, he decided against it.

 

• • •

 

Haru was going back to Makoto's house almost everyday, and slept over once a week. Of course, he did that because he liked playing with Makoto and the twins and spending time with Makoto. Even doing homework with Makoto could be fun. If Haru really thought about it, he was scared of going back to his empty house. When he was there, he would clean all the furniture to make sure there was no dust and put some mackerel on the floor to attract stray cats inside. He was always concentrating all his energy and heart to feel his grandmother's soul by his side, but most of the time the house felt abandoned. Haru had always been a loner but he hated that feeling. In his home, he felt lonely. He avoided being in his house as much as he could. Makoto's sunny, warm personality could make him forget how cold and lifeless his own house was. Haru's parents asked him if he wanted to move in with them in their apartment in Osaka. Haru said no. He would miss Iwatobi too much. The peacefulness, the sea at his feet, the stray cats. The swimming club, the school. Ran, Ren, Makoto's parents. Most of all, he would miss Makoto. Being away from Makoto would be like grieving all over again. Just thinking about it made his heart crack a little.

Haru wondered if his parents would come back to Iwatobi. Would they let their twelve-year-old son live alone? Maybe they thought it would be alright with the Tachibanas next door. They didn't call Haru since the funeral. Haru sometimes wondered if his parents forgot about him. Probably not, as they still paid the bills and sent him money for the groceries. That was the last sign that his parents didn't forget him completely, and Haru held to that like a lifeline. He knew he would never have a loving relationship with them, like Makoto had with his parents. He just hoped they still liked him a little, or thought about him sometimes.

Haru stopped eating dinner at his own house, instead he would go to a konbini or make a bento and eat outside. The days when he could not stay at Makoto's house after swimming training, he would go to the bookshop or to the park to sketch a little. He would only go back to his house when it got dark outside and directly go to sleep. Sometimes, he even packed two bentos so he could eat the second one right after swimming, and not worry about dinner. He spent his time walking around the city or along the coast, at least outside being alone felt freeing instead of lonely and suffocating.

It was one of those evenings. Haru could not go to the Tachibanas because Ran and Ren were sick and the parents didn't want him to catch whatever they had. Haru bought two onigiri and a pineapple juice at the convenient store and sat on a bench in the square next to it. Some children were playing on the slides and swings, cheering and laughing. Haru began sketching a tree. He regretted not bringing his colored pencils or watercolors. He was only a beginner with watercolors, but he really liked that technique already. Haru stared at the tree, its leaves rustled by the wind. Haru shivered. As he faced a lonely night, he wished he could hear Makoto's laugh. It would warm him up, maybe.

Haru bit into his salmon onigiri. There weren't mackerel ones at the konbini. Salmon wasn't bad either. The nori was crispy, and the rice not too dry. He drank a gulp of pineapple juice as he looked at the children playing. He sighed. He finished eating without any appetite.

  
"Haru?" a familiar voice said.

  
Haru turned around to find Makoto's mother, a grocery bag in her right hand. Her eyes were wide and full of worry. It was uncanny how similar her expressions were to her son's. Haru looked down, not knowing why he was feeling guilty all of a sudden. Makoto's mother sat next to him on the bench.

  
"What are you doing outside at this hour?" She said. She noticed Haru's sketchbook. "Oh, you were drawing! Can I see?"

"Okay." Haru shrugged.

  
As soon as the woman opened his sketchbook, she stared in awe, a admirative smile on her face. She went through the whole sketchbook.

  
"Oh, is it Makoto ?" She asked, pointing a sketch of her son doing his homework.

"Yes." Haru nodded.

"It really looks like him, you're very talented, Haru !"

"Thank you." The young boy mumbled, looking at his feet.

  
Makoto's mother closed the sketchbook and gave it back to Haru who put it back in his school bag. He threw the onigiri packagings and the juice bottle in the nearest bin before coming back next to her. She had put her grocery bag on her lap, her hands gently placed on top of it, as she waited patiently for Haru.

  
"You shouldn't stay outside at this hour, you know? It's getting dark."

  
Haru pouted. He was about to go home, it wasn't like he wanted to spend the night outside in the cold.

  
"I know."

"Let's go back home, okay?"

"Okay."

  
Haru followed Makoto's mother back to the coast leading to the stone steps. Haru looked at the waves, nervousness and anxiety piling up in his stomach like heavy rocks at every step that lead him to his house. At every second that passed he hoped that she would change her mind and ask him to sleep over. Haru took deep breaths. Somehow that didn't calm him, it just made him sadder.

  
"Haru, are you often staying outside like that?"

  
The black-haired boy nodded, his throat too tight to let him speak.

  
"Why are you doing that? Is there something wrong?" She asked with her softest voice not to upset Haru.

"No, it's okay. I just get bored." Haru shrugged.

"I'm sure Makoto would let you borrow some books and games from him. You can ask him tomorrow."

"I don't need anything. I have books and art supplies."

"Are you feeling lonely, then?"

  
Haru's eyes welled up with tears. He knew that, but hearing it out loud made it real. Haru looked back at the sea. He bit his lip. Tears began falling, warm against his cold cheeks. He sniffled. The sea blurred in front of him. He felt her hand on his shoulder. He stopped walking, hanging his head low, tear drop after tear drop falling on his shoes.

  
"Haru... Look at me, please?"

  
He could hear her voice close, she was probably crouched next to him. He turned his head towards her, still avoiding her gaze. She gave him a handkerchief, blue with white bird silhouettes. Haru wiped his nose, still sniffling and frowning deeply. If only his heart could have waited until he got back home to break. He didn't want to worry Makoto's family. They had nothing to do with this. Makoto's mother could already be at home nursing the twins back to health but she was worrying about Haru instead. What a pain.

  
"Do you want me to call your parents so they come visit you?"

"I don't know." Haru replied, his voice still full of sobs as he rubbed his eyes.

"Okay. Do you want to see Makoto?"

"Can I?"

"Sure, but you'll have to meet at your house. I don't want you to get sick. Okay?"

  
Haru nodded several times. His sniffling was calming down. He was going to see Makoto. See his beautiful, luminous eyes and his smile. Hear his voice full of kindness, his light laugh. That was what Haru needed. He didn't want Makoto to know that he was crying though, Makoto was already way too worried about him when he was feeling alright.

Makoto's mother waved at him when they parted ways. Haru climbed the stone steps quickly. He wanted to throw some water on his face so his eyes wouldn't feel and look so puffy. Maybe he could prepare some snacks for Makoto too. He went in, removed his shoes without unlacing them, and opened the fridge.

There were mackerel, squid, chicken, leeks and carrots. Nothing that could really make a snack. Haru didn't eat snacks lately, except when people gave some to him at school. Makoto's mother would certainly scold him if he went to the konbini to buy a bar of chocolate for Makoto now. Haru made a mental note to buy him some chocolate another day. He went to the bathroom upstairs, looked at himself in the mirror. He definitely couldn't show himself like this to Makoto. He opened the tap, making water run as cold as it could. Putting his hands under the icy water made him feel at ease and calm again. When he felt like his hands were cold enough, he touched his cheeks and eyes, hoping it would dissolve the last traces of tears. He breathed deeply, his eyes closed. He regretted crying in front of Makoto's mother. Wasn't it like guilt-tripping her to let him see Makoto? On the other hand, he really felt better, knowing that Makoto would arrive at any second.

A knock downstairs. Haru's heart leapt. He dried his face with a towel, listening attentively. The wooden entrance door opened with the timid creaking it always did.

  
"Sorry for the intrusion, Haru..." Said a timid voice that Haru could only know too well.

  
Haru tried his best to contain himself at the sound of this voice. He went down the stairs a bit more hurriedly than usual.

  
"Makoto." The black-haired boy exhaled as he saw his best friend.

"I know I know, I'm sorry I'm coming so suddenly! Mom said I should sleep at your house tonight so I don't get sick. Do you mind?"

  
So his mother didn't tell him Haru had cried, or that he was even sad or lonely. She knew him well too, didn't she. Haru felt like crying again, but he smiled instead and took Makoto's bag from his hands.

  
"It’s no problem, she asked me. Let's put your stuff upstairs."

"Okay, thanks Haru!"

  
They both climbed the stairs, Makoto following Haru excitedly. The black-haired boy put his best friend’s bag next to the bed. Makoto sat on the carpet next to the small table. Haru brought melon lemonade — Makoto’s favorite — and a glass of tapwater for himself. Makoto pushed strongly the top of his bottle to open it. The loud popping noise startled him. He looked sheepishly at Haru, who had to bite his lip not to smile.

It’d been a while since the last time they just spent an evening together without playing video games. No loud music and cheers, just the ruffling of clothing, the wind in the trees outside and the refreshing sizzling noise as Makoto filled his glass with bright green lemonade. The sun rays warmed the room just right. Makoto’s eyes matched his vivid, sparkling drink, Haru noticed as his best friend sipped some of it. Haru drank his tapwater, imagining the sweet taste and fizzing of the soda on his tongue. Makoto’s wet lips curled into a smile as he leaned towards Haru. The black-haired boy stood up to close the window and rubbed his arms.

  
“You’re cold, Haru?” Makoto asked. He really had the same worried expression as his mother, it was uncanny. “You should put a jacket if you’re cold, Ran and Ren got sick that way.”

  
Haru nodded and looked for a jacket as he kept rubbing his arms to get rid of the goosebumps. He glanced at Makoto, who had taken another gulp of lemonade and licked his lips. Haru put on the warmest jacket he had before sitting across Makoto. His best friend tilted his head and shuffled towards him.

  
“What do you want to do Haru ?”

  
Haru glanced at Makoto’s lips for a second. Blinked. He looked into his sparkling eyes and shrugged.  
  
  
“I brought Mario Kart, if you want. Ran and Ren are supposed to stay in bed, so in a way I’m making sure they don’t sneak into my room to play.” Makoto giggled.

“Sure, let’s play.”

  
Makoto plugged the console to the television. He turned to Haru, controller in hand, and smiled. Haru took it, brushing his best friend’s hand. Haru sat closer to him, as they usually did.

Makoto, instead of making them share the same kart, made them compete separately. Haru frowned at the screen, before glancing at Makoto. They made eye-contact. The brown-haired boy smiled shyly and stared at the floor.

  
“I thought we could change, for once. What do you think?”

  
Haru didn’t answer and looked back at the screen, still frowning. They chose the Special Cup in the hardest difficulty. Makoto was beginning in seventh place and Haru in eighth.

Makoto took the lead not even a minute after. Haru struggled in fourth place. Makoto was easily distancing him, a smile on his face. The black-haired boy just wanted to put the controller down and go to the park alone to doodle some stuff. Maybe inviting Makoto wasn’t such a good idea.

Haru’s kart was driving towards an item box. A blue shell.

  
“Uh oh… Bad news for me !” Makoto laughed.

  
The item was always aiming at the kart in first place after all. It had saved them a few times, when they had cooperated. Haru frowned, waiting for the right moment to strike. It was Makoto’s fault after all, Haru wouldn’t have to do that if they had shared the same kart.

  
“Haru, we still have two laps left, don’t give up yet !”

  
Makoto couldn’t help it, could he ? Encouraging Haru even if they were rivals in that particular race. Haru took a narrower turn and reached third place. Haru glanced at Makoto.

  
“Nooo…!”

  
Haru looked back at the screen. Makoto had fallen to second place. There were only a few seconds until the finish line.

Haru launched his blue shell.

  
“Uh?”

  
Makoto was overtaking his opponent as the blue shell hovered over them and exploded. Makoto’s kart was taken in the blast. Haru passed the finish line in first place. Makoto in second.

The two boys stared at the screen, trying to understand what had just happened. Makoto burst out laughing, the lovely sound filling the bedroom.

  
“If I ever expected that! You’re amazing, Haru!”

“I wasn’t expecting that either, actually…” Haru mumbled.

“Really?”

  
Haru looked away and shrugged. Makoto didn’t need to know.

 

• • •

 

"Good morning!" Makoto's mother greeted Haru and Makoto as they went down the stone steps. "I made bentos for both of you."  
  
"Thanks mom!" Her son replied. Haru nodded shyly behind him.  
  
"By the way, Haru. I think you should keep the video games at your house for now."

"Uh? Why, mom?" Makoto seemed confused.

"That way, Ran and Ren won't try to sneak in your room at night to play. And I trust Haru to be more reasonable than you three."

  
Makoto pouted.

  
"You can come to my house to play after school, like yesterday." Haru told him.

"Can I, mom?"

"Sure, just don't forget to do your homework." Makoto's mom smiled as she ruffled her son's hair.  
  
  
She gave the boys their bentos and wished them a nice day at school. When they arrived at the bottom of the stone steps, Haru looked back. She waved at him with a smile. Haru wondered if she also said that to make the Tachibana siblings come to his house more often. He didn’t ask.

As the weeks passed, with their regular video games nights with the Tachibana, they won tournaments, unlocked characters and Haru’s house felt livelier than ever. When Haru was alone at night and he closed his eyes, he could still hear the laughs and the cheers echoing the summer’s cicadas.


	4. Singstar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put Singstar as the title but fun fact : Singstar was never released in Japan \o/ So yeah it's a karaoke game.
> 
> Thanks kimie123 for the beta!

****Makoto looked at the present his parents gave him, then he looked back at them. Makoto did not want to sound ungrateful, but why would his parents even think of buying this for him? Makoto looked back at the video game. It was a karaoke game, obviously, since there were two microphones with it. One with a blue band, the other with a red band. He could read the playlist at the back of the box. Popular songs, mostly in japanese, but some in english too.

 

"Makoto," His mother started, her voice mellow and reassuring. "I know you are really shy and you have trouble speaking, especially in front of other people. I thought buying you this could help you get used to it. Maybe you can play with Haru, what do you think ?"

 

Makoto gasped at the mention of his best friend. Of course he would love playing with Haru, but this kind of game would be really embarrassing. He wasn't even sure Haru would like to play. Makoto had never heard him sing, except when they had to, for school. He had never heard Haru sing on his own.

On the other hand, Makoto hated singing. He didn't like being in the spotlight and he wasn't fond of being loud, either. These past weeks, he hated singing even more. He even tried to talk as little as he could. Makoto was thirteen, and his voice sounded weird. Once low and croaky, the syllable after it'd be high and screechy like chalk on a blackboard. Makoto had heard from all the adults in his family that this was normal, that it meant he was becoming a man, but he was sick of it. He even dreaded his favorite class, literature, because they had to read out loud, one at a time. He still remembered the embarrassment he felt the first time it happened in class, and the mocking laughs that followed. Really, the last thing he wanted to do was singing. Apparently his mother could see how uneasy he felt about this and ruffled his hair.

 

"You don't have to play now, or even when we're at home, if you're too shy for it. Take your time, okay?" She smiled at him tenderly.

 

Makoto nodded, wondering if he would ever open the box. He smiled back at his mother, though his heart wasn't in it. He went back to his room, holding the box and the microphones in his arms. He looked around, before deciding on shoving them in an empty drawer. That way, he wouldn't have to see them.

He ignored it for weeks, or at least he tried. It was like he could feel its presence looming at him, like a cursed artifact. He knew deep down that what he felt was guilt because his parents tried to help him and he shoved that away. He remembered his mother's words to soothe his negative feelings, and promised himself that one day he'd try. One day, when his parents aren't there, and his siblings either. Would he invite Haru? Probably not, he wouldn't want to look ridiculous in front of him. Makoto breathed deeply to give himself some strength.

Surprisingly, Haru was the one who brought it up. He was spending the night at the Tachibana's and had ended up looking in the drawer when looking for drawing paper. Makoto pretended he didn't see Haru look at that specific item in that specific drawer, but his heart was racing. He didn't plan on playing this game now. He should have prepared himself better to that possibility, Makoto thought.

 

"A karaoke game...?" Haru asked, still looking inside the drawer.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You never told me about it."

"I never played it, actually."

"Why not ?"

"I don't really feel like it."

 

Haru nodded and closed the drawer. He opened another one, still looking for drawing paper. Makoto sighed in relief, even if he still felt bad, inside. He didn't like hiding things from Haru, he wanted to tell him the truth right away. It's was easier said than done, or rather, easier thought than said. Maybe it was like what happened with Makoto's fear of water. Maybe Haru already knew about Makoto's insecurities, but he waited for Makoto to talk about it. For someone as straight-forward as Haru, he could be surprisingly tactful. It wasn't surprising to Makoto though, he always knew Haru was caring and sensitive. Always protecting Makoto when he was scared, even if Haru didn't understand his fears. He really liked taking care of the twins too, playing with them and taking them to the sea or the pool. Even when he was little, he would ask Makoto's mother if she needed something, when she was pregnant with the twins. Makoto smiled, remembering Haru bringing her water or tea and trying to speak to the twins about the sea. Haru was really the most gentle person Makoto had ever known.

That night, Makoto didn't tell him about what made him sad. He looked at Haru, who was drawing various kinds of cats in colored pencil. Haru had always been really good at drawing. He was especially talented at drawing animals and plants. Haru drew a small, happy Makoto in the middle of the cats.

 

"Do you want to come feed the stray cats? It's not sunset yet." Haru asked, looking at Makoto to draw the exact same clothes he was wearing.

"Sure ! Do you think they'll come?"

"Yeah, the orange and white cat keeps coming in the backyard when he hears me coming back home."

"Aaaaww, looks like Pumpkin adopted you !"

"I thought we had named him Clownfish." Haru frowned.

"He's not a fish though..."

"He's not a pumpkin either."

"Yeah, you're right." Makoto laughed.

 

They went down the stairs and asked Makoto's mother if they could leave for a while to feed the cats. They went outside, climbing the stairs at a leisurely pace. It was summer, so even at the beginning of the evening they didn't need a jacket. There was little wind, just enough to hear the tree leaves moving but not enough to make Makoto shiver. Makoto had always been sensitive to cold, so he liked summer better. Haru lead Makoto to the backyard.

 

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

 

Makoto sat on the wooden porch, making it creak. Meanwhile Haru went back inside his house, coming back a few minutes later with a bowl of water and a plate with pieces of cooked tuna. At the sound of Haru's steps, Pumpkin — or Clownfish — appeared through the bushes, showing only his face.

 

"Aaaww! He’s so cute!" Makoto exclaimed. "Come here, Pumpkin!"

 

Makoto reached out for the cat. The cat ignored him, sniffing the plate of tuna from afar instead.

 

"Hey Clownfish, we're bringing you dinner." Haru whispered, making himself look smaller and pushing the plate towards the cat. He ran towards it right away. "See, he responds to the name Clownfish."

"He's only responding to the smell of tuna, I think." Makoto sighed with a sheepish smile.

"You're just jealous because he didn't react when you called him Pumpkin." Haru pouted.

"Okay, I get it, I'll call him Clownfish then."

 

Haru began to pet Clownfish — his name now official — softly, while he was voraciously eating the piece of tuna. Makoto admired how delicately Haru's hand was moving, as to not startle the cat. Haru looked back to Makoto.

 

"Do you want to pet him ?"

"O-Okay !"

 

Makoto shifted a bit closer to Haru. The black-haired boy removed his hand. Makoto tried to pet the cat's head but as soon as he touched him, he moved back and hit Makoto's hand with his paw before running back in the bush. Makoto had never been really delicate, Haru sometimes told him he had "idiotic strength" and that he needed to know how to control it. His parents told him being clumsy was part of growing up, and it would be soon back to normal. Makoto couldn't wait to go back to normal. Makoto sighed.

Haru walked to the bush, the plate of tuna in his hand. He squatted in front of it. Makoto could hear him whisper in a very kind voice "come back, Clownfish" and "Makoto is my friend, he didn't want to scare you" and "he's really sad now", among other things. Makoto could feel his heart race and his cheeks burn at the mention of his name. This was so embarrassing! He always felt really happy and overwhelmed when Haru said nice things about him. Sometimes, even Haru saying his name made him feel this way. Makoto thought that it was because he admired Haru a lot, so it was very flattering to hear him say that kind of things. That was probably it.

 

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru ?" Makoto gasped.

"Can you come here?"

 

Makoto walked to Haru and sat next to him in the grass.

 

"Give me your hand." Haru said, holding a piece of tuna.

"Okay?"

"There. If you give him some food, maybe he'll like you more."

"I guess you're right..."

 

Makoto began to whisper with Haru to call the scared cat. When Clownfish saw the tuna in Makoto's hand, he walked cautiously towards him, sniffing his hand. Eventually, he ate the piece of tuna and licked Makoto's hand. Makoto laughed a little with his mouth closed.

 

"You're tickling me, Clownfish!"

 

When he tried petting the cat, he didn't run away. As a matter of fact, he lied on Makoto's lap to take a nap when his dinner was over. Makoto couldn't feel happier as he petted the sleeping cat who was purring loudly. He noticed his best friend's widened eyes.

 

"What's wrong, Haru ?"

"He’s never slept on my lap."

"Really ?"

 

Haru nodded.

 

"Do you want me to put him on your lap, then?" Makoto asked.

"No, it's going to wake him up. I'm glad he's not mad at you."

"Me too!"

 

Haru petted the cat for a little while before he decided to jump from Makoto's lap and walk away, still purring loudly. Makoto tried to remove the orange and white cat hair from his clothes, in vain. Haru went back to the kitchen, probably to wash the plate, as Makoto heard the water running. Haru came back a minute or two later, drying his hands on his pants.

 

"Let's go?"

 

They went back to Makoto's house. Dinner was not ready, so they went back to Makoto's bedroom. They started doing the homework for the day after. Two english exercises that they did in a haste because they both didn't like it, a math exercise and a text to read for literature class. Makoto gulped with difficulty.

 

"You don't like literature class anymore."

 

Typically of Haru, he said this kind of sentence, walking the line between asking a question and stating a fact. He probably wanted to let Makoto interpret it the way he wanted. Makoto felt his stomach clench and his throat tighten. What could he say? Haru was seeing right through him, as usual, there was no fighting it.

 

"No, I don't."

 

Haru blinked at him, inviting him to continue what he had to say.

 

"I... I still like books, and I find the class itself interesting, but... I don't like reading at all." Makoto looked at the floor, hoping he wouldn't cry.

"I don't remember you minding it, before."

"I did not."

"Is it because of your voice?" Haru asked more quietly.

 

Makoto looked at Haru. He was staring at him with that non-judgemental air that he always had. He never really minded whatever Makoto threw at him. He just wanted Makoto to open his heart to him. To never feel like he had to hide something from him.

 

"Yes. It is."

"Hm. I had been wondering for a while." Haru looked elsewhere, thoughtful.

"How did you know ?"

"You looked anxious before literature class, even though that had always been your favorite. And you don't speak so much, lately, it was weird. And, well... There's that game."

"Hm ?"

"The karaoke game. The box had never been opened."

"I see. I guess it was pretty obvious, then." Makoto laughed weakly.

 

Makoto peered at the drawer where he had put the video game. He wished it had never been there in the first place. Haru continued looking at him. Makoto felt so weak under that stare. It wasn't fear, or intimidation. He felt drawn to Haru, powerless. He found himself not minding that much.

 

"Did you mind, then?"

"When?"

"When my voice changed." Haru said, his gaze serious, and was it a bit of self-consciousness, at the bottom of his pupil?

 

Haru's puberty was less visible than Makoto's, because he didn't grow up that much. Makoto was very tall and lanky, while Haru had kept normal proportions, staying in the average height of their year. Makoto was among the tallest, and he didn't really like it. He was attracting unwanted attention, and was even clumsier than before. Haru was going through puberty gracefully, like everything else he did. When Haru's voice changed, there were a few voice cracks, but Makoto never minded. Maybe he even thought it was cute at times, though he would never admit it to his best friend. He sounded like a hurt kitten, maybe. His voice settled a bit lower. Haru sounded mature, grown-up.

 

"No, I never minded."

"See? You’re too hard on yourself."

"Don't you think I sound ridiculous when I speak?"

"No, not really." Haru shrugged.

"Other people laughed at me, when I read out loud in literature class."

"Well, they're stupid. You shouldn't pay attention to them."

"Easier said than done..."

"I guess."

 

Haru never really minded what others thought of him. He only cared about the opinion of people he cared about, and that was all. Makoto wished he could act that way too. It would be so much easier for him. Hearing people laugh at him and think "who cares, they're stupid". Makoto sighed. That kind of stuff always got to him, it was like something poisoning the air, entering his lungs and crushing them, strangling him, making him feel so, so sick. Making him wish he could just stop hearing and speaking and feeling. Ignoring that would be pretty hard, and it was even harder as he blamed himself for it. Maybe if he didn't talk, it'd be better.

 

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru?"

"Let's play a video game, okay?"

"Hm...?" Makoto whined, fear creeping in his stomach.

"Not the karaoke one, something else. Whatever you want."

"Can we play Animal Crossing, then?"

"The underwater edition?" Haru asked with stars in his eyes.

"Yeah, sure!"

 

Makoto laughed. Haru loved that game. Makoto had bought it with him in mind. When he had seen that game, where the whole point of it was being friends with marine creatures that could talk and collect different kinds of coral and algae, he knew Haru would be excited. And he was, he always took great care of his village, planting rare golden algae everywhere and collecting all the rare corals and fossils in the museum. Makoto knew how important it was to Haru, so when he didn't come to his house after class, he made sure the village was still clean and there were no events to participate in — and if there were, he would ask his parents for a last-minute sleepover, pretexting one thing or another, and to be honest he was almost sure his parents weren't buying any of it. Then he would run to Haru's house to tell him to come to his, and they would play until Makoto's parents scolded them for staying up too late. He didn't mind being scolded — especially because his parents weren't that mean — as long as he was making Haru happy. Seeing Haru's smile, his eyes shining as he discovered a new type of coral or as one of his fish friends gave him their photo as a sign of great friendship, that made Makoto extremely happy. He would feel weird, but not like the air was poisoned, more like he had been suffocating all his life and he finally took his first breath. It was scary and overwhelming, but it felt amazing and invigorating at the same time. Makoto kind of understood why newborns cried at their first breath.

Meanwhile, Haru was buying his character a new swimsuit — a blue iridescent one, described as mermaid-like — and a piece of furniture he lacked for his café theme. Makoto remembered that Haru had begun to take an interest in cooking, since his parents were almost never at his house. Haru couldn't cook as well as Makoto's mother, at least yet, but Makoto was still really impressed. Haru was the best of their year in home economics. In fact, the teacher almost always showed him as an example to the rest of the class. Makoto would feel his chest swell with happiness and pride when other saw how talented Haru was. Haru being Haru, he would just mumble "it's not much..." and help Makoto so his omelet didn't catch on fire. Makoto was always trying his best, but he really wasn't good at cooking. It was like every stove and pot and ingredient became cursed in his hands and spontaneously combusted. He did everything as the teacher said! Makoto just deduced that he would never be good at that. That didn't mean he refused when Haru proposed to teach him a few things. Haru found cooking relaxing, all the contrary of Makoto. Maybe it's relaxing when it doesn't make the fire alarm ring.

Makoto found himself envying Haru's future wife, if he ever had one. Haru was so talented and kind, he would make her very happy. Makoto wasn't sure he wanted to be married, and have a wife. As of then, he could only see himself by Haru's side with ten cats. They could live in Haru's house, it was big enough for all of them and Makoto's parents would be close if they needed something.

 

"Makoto, look." Haru said, elbowing him gently, his stare still on the screen.

"Oooh! She's so cute!"

 

There was a white kitten in the game wearing a diving suit. She said she was looking for her distant cousin the catfish. Catfishes were pretty rare villagers to have but Haru was great friends with one, so he told the kitten to follow him to introduce them. After a short discussion, Haru got a rare cat-shaped table as a thank-you gift.

 

"Score!" Haru whispered, making a small fist pump.

"That's great, Haru! That table is so pretty!"

"I thought you would like it." Haru nodded, his cheeks slightly pink.

"You did that quest for me?" Makoto asked with a bright hopeful grin on his face.

"Well, also because it's a rare item..."

"Thanks, Haru!"

"It's nothing, really."

 

Haru walked around the village, making sure everything was clean and every algae taken care of. Haru went to the board at the village's gate and wrote "Welcome to Kathy, Cat's distant cousin. Everyone make sure she has a nice stay in our village."

 

"You're so nice, Haru! ...You know they don't actually read your messages, right?" Makoto tilted his head in confusion.

"Who knows. I don't mind either way." Haru shrugged.

 

Haru saved and quit the game. They went to the living-room to wait for dinner to be ready. Makoto's mother had cooked some meat, as she knew Haru mostly ate fish when he cooked. As they ate — as usual, Makoto's mother's cooking was delicious and heartwarming — Haru asked her some tips about cooking, as he didn't have much experience in making sauce and cooking meat. After dinner, she took some notes for him and got out some spices of the closet to show him. Haru listened, apparently very focused, nodding every now and then. Makoto waited for him, glancing in his direction every now and then while watching cartoons on television with the twins. Haru stopped in front of the stairs, looked at Makoto. He blinked. "What do we do now?" His eyes were asking. Makoto moved a bit on the couch to leave him so place to sit, eventually taking Ran on his lap because she kept complaining that her big brother was crushing her. Haru sat next to him, completely against Makoto in fact, as there was not much place on the couch for all of them. Makoto felt abnormally warm, like he was in an onsen in the middle of summer. He stared at the television while not listening to whatever was going on. He could only register the fact that Haru was really close to him. What was so different than before? They even took baths together when they were little, why was something so mundane  so embarrassing? Was it what puberty was like? Walking weird and talking weird and feeling weird all the time ? Makoto hoped puberty would be over fast. He hoped it had never happened at all.

 

"That's not fair! Why are you on brother's lap and not me?" Ren whined.

"Because I asked first!" Ran replied, sticking her tongue out at her twin brother.

"I want to be on brother's lap too !"

"Come on, don't fight you two..." Makoto sighed uselessly as they kept arguing about who deserved to sit on his lap more.

"Ren." Haru said. "I know you'd prefer Makoto, but you can sit on my lap if you want."

"Okay!" Ren replied with a big smile, running towards Haru and trying to climb on him.

 

Makoto couldn't help but tenderly admire how much Haru cared. The siblings weren't arguing anymore, as Haru always helped Makoto make sure they were happy and had everything they needed. Makoto even found him too nice with them sometimes. He knew Haru sometimes needed his peace and quiet — hence why he preferred eating lunch on the roof and didn't like group activities so much — Makoto noticed that Haru had always some extra patience just for his siblings. Maybe Haru considered them his own siblings too. Haru was one of the first people to see them, after all.

After an episode and a half, Ran and Ren were both fast asleep on them, and were very heavy. Makoto began to carry Ran up the stairs, but noticed Haru had trouble doing the same. He called his father for help, as he was reading a magazine, sitting in the armchair. He came to help Haru, even though he kept saying he'd do fine on his own as his legs were trembling under Ren's weight. Makoto's father took Ren in his arms, followed by a frustrated Haru. They all went to the twins' shared bedroom to make sure they were going to sleep fine. Haru arranged their plushies so they wouldn't bother them in their sleep. Then, Makoto's father went back downstairs, reminding them that their bedtime was soon too. The two boys nodded, not saying anything in case it woke up the twins, and went back to Makoto's bedroom.

They prepared the big futon to sleep next to each other. When they were smaller, they used to sleep in Makoto's bed but Makoto became too tall and tended to move a lot in his sleep. He once fell from the bed, taking the covers with him. They both deduced that either Makoto was sleeping in his bed and Haru in a futon, or they were both sleeping in a bigger futon. They decided for the latter. Makoto liked sleeping next to Haru. Seeing his calm face, hearing his regular, discreet breathing, just being close to him. Makoto really liked being Haru's best friend. He wondered if Haru liked having Makoto as his best friend. If he liked being close to Makoto too, or if he simply didn't mind it.

Once the futon was laid down, Haru took a catalogue of pools and laid on the futon to read it. Makoto hide a laugh behind his hand, thinking that Haru had peculiar interests. Makoto didn't mind. In fact, he liked how unique his best friend was. There was no other person like Haru in the entire world, he knew it. That made him even more proud of being his best friend. Haru hummed absentmindedly as he went through the pages, looking at pools in all sorts of shapes.

 

"You'd like your own pool in your garden when you're a grown-up, Haru ?" Makoto asked, looking at the catalogue with him.

"I don't know, it's a bother to clean. And you can only use it in summer."

"Can't you have an inside pool in your house ?"

"I'd need a really big patio then, I'm sure it's very expensive."

"I guess so... I never really thought about it."

"That's because you don't read those catalogues."

"You read them regularly?" Makoto sighed in disbelief.

"When they end up in the mailbox, I do." Haru shrugged, looking at the pool accessories.

"Ooooh, a waterslide would be nice too!"

"I prefer just swimming or floating."

"I thought so, yeah. It can still be fun, once in a while."

 

Haru nodded and closed the catalogue. He stared in the direction of the door. Oh, the light switch. Makoto got up immediately to turn it off, joining Haru under the covers. They weren't touching, but in the dark, Makoto could still feel Haru's presence close to him. At the same time, it was very calming and exhilarating. He felt like he could sleep perfectly safe without nightmares, but wondered if he could sleep at all, at the rate his heart was racing. As Makoto's eyes adapted to the dark, he could see Haru's face and eyes peering into him, the covers up to his chin. Makoto could hear his breathing slowing, his eyelids blinking at smaller intervals as they were getting heavier. Haru had always been one to fall asleep quickly. Haru rubbed his eyes and yawned. Makoto smiled.

 

"Makoto..." Haru slurred, clearly trying not to fall asleep.

"Yes, Haru ?" Makoto whispered, shifting closer.

"About that karaoke game."

"Hm...?"

"I thought, maybe we can sing together at first."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess it will be less scary for you then. What do you think."

 

Makoto stayed silent for a while. He felt pretty stupid for not thinking about it first, when he'd had the video game in his drawer for weeks. Then again, he spent those weeks trying very hard not to think about it. Maybe it could help indeed. Maybe if he just focused on hearing Haru's voice instead of his own, he would feel better about it. It could be a good start. Why not.

 

"Sure, we can try that." Makoto finally whispered, a shy smile on his face.

 

Haru had his eyes closed, his breathing really slow and deep. How long did Makoto consider his decision for Haru to fall asleep in the meantime ? Makoto sighed, thinking that he would have to bring it up the day after.

 

"Okay..." Haru replied in an exhale, his eyes half-opened. Makoto smiled. Haru blinked sleepily.

"Good night, Haru."

"Good night."

 

Makoto's heart kept making jumps at how excited he felt, yet he fell asleep a few minutes after, Makoto and Haru still facing each other.

 

•••

 

Makoto's parents and the twins were all absent, as they were at the parents-teachers meeting at the elementary school. The twins wanted to stay with Makoto and Haru, because staying with them and playing house was way more fun than falling asleep in the corridor waiting for their turn, and then listening to their teachers criticizing them. The parents thought they should still go, so they went. Makoto's mother left some chicken soup and vegetables in the fridge for their dinner, even as Haru asked to make dinner for Makoto and him so the parents could have the leftovers when they came back.

The parents and the twins weren't there. Makoto remembered his promise, he would try the game if those circumstances happened. He took a deep breath.

 

"Haru-chan..."

"What." Haru frowned at the suffix Makoto used, but didn't say anything as he saw how much of a nervous wreck his best friend was.

"I thought, um... I thought we could try the karaoke game, now that my parents and Ran and Ren can't hear me sing."

"You're sure? We can play something else, if you prefer."

"No. I have to do this. I don't want to be scared forever, Haru!" Makoto yelled. "I want to stop being scared. If I have to do this to get better, I will."

 

Makoto nodded, mostly to himself, and swallowed all the bad feelings that threatened to get out. Fear, of course, but also self-pity. Makoto wanted to be strong too, like Haru. Haru could help him, Haru wanted to help him, in fact. Makoto had to accept that help, and take that leap. Haru took his hand.

 

"You won't have to be scared, Makoto."

 

Haru lead him up the stairs in Makoto's bedroom. Makoto could hear it, between the lines. "Because I'm here with you, I'll make sure nothing scary happens to you." It was like that day, when they saw all that procession of people in white outfits along the coast, when the fishermen died. Haru had taken his hand and then ran away far from them. Haru wanted Makoto to stop being scared. This time, the only way to stop being scared wasn't to run away from it, but to confront it. Still, Makoto thought that it would probably turn out okay, if his best friend was there.

Makoto took the box out of the drawer, along with the two microphones. He removed the thin layer of dust that had accumulated on it and gave the blue microphone to Haru.

 

"Blue is your color, after all." Makoto said with a smile.

"There weren't any green microphones for you?"

"My parents would have chosen a green microphone if there was one, I guess there was only red. It doesn't matter." Makoto shrugged with a smile.

"I can paint the stripe green if you want."

"Thanks, Haru! Let's just play for now, okay?"

 

Haru hummed as Makoto read the instructions as to connect the microphones to the video game system. It was fairly simple in the end. They put the CD inside and turned it on. First appeared a sequence with people singing and dancing and having fun. Did they have to stand up to sing? Or worse, dance? Makoto didn't want to do that, even if it was just Haru and him. Clumsy lanky Makoto wasn't good at dancing at all. He was sure he would step on Haru if he ever tried to dance. Though he thought about all those movies when people dance really close and slow and look in each other's eyes and thought that he wouldn't mind doing that with Haru. It was probably a bad idea. His hands would get clammy, and he'd tremble and dance all wrong. He probably wouldn't dare looking at Haru from up close. Wasn't that kind of dance for couples anyway? Did that mean he and Haru couldn't do it as best friends? Was it strictly forbidden, like with a law or something, or was it just how it was? Makoto didn't know. He thought that this wasn't a question to ask to his parents, for some reason. He didn't feel like asking Haru directly either, this would be way too embarrassing!

 

"Oh, we can sing against each other, duet, or sing together." Haru said while going through the menu.

"Let's sing together, then."

"O-Okay." Makoto replied, his cheeks warm from the thoughts Haru interrupted.

 

They went through the songs. Their english was really bad so they decided not to choose any song in that language. Makoto felt awful enough about his voice already, no need to hear his awful accent on top of that. They chose some pop song that was broadcasted way too often on the radio. It was sung by a boy idol group, barely older than them. They all sang very well and in harmony. They did very difficult synchronized choreographies together — Makoto had often seen them on TV, they were even in commercials for some brand of soda — and some of them looked handsome. Makoto thought specifically of one of the primary singers called Daisuke, but all his fans liked to call him Daisuki. He was sixteen and looked already muscular — he didn't wear any shirt in that soda commercial — and he had a sunny, beautiful smile. His dark eyes were shining behind his brown side swept bangs. Makoto always thought he seemed nice and maybe he could ask his parents to go to a concert someday. The concerts were always so far away though, and maybe Daisuke wouldn't even notice him. Makoto thought that maybe they could be good friends and hang out, like a sempai-kohai relationship of sorts. There was no chance of that happening though.

As the song began, Makoto noticed the bars in the same color as their microphones. Those were the notes they were supposed to follow, then ? The lyrics appeared at the bottom of the screen. The song was about having fun at the beach in summer — not really original for a summer hit but it always worked — and started quite slow until the chorus. Haru didn't sing very loudly, he was very quiet in fact, so Makoto could barely hear him. When he looked at the screen, Haru was hitting every note perfectly. At the end of each line he sang, it was written "Perfect!". Maybe Haru could have been in a popular idol group too. He would have been the mysterious, shy boy with a heart of gold. Haru would have had a lot of fans, Makoto was sure of it. On the other hand, Makoto was glad Haru wasn't famous, that way they ended up being best friends. Haru was singing just with him, Makoto smiled as he thought of it like a private concert, just the two of them. Though he could still barely hear his best friend sing.

On the other hand, Makoto's singing... well, let's just say it was pretty good, except when his voice cracked. It was a mix consisting of a sprinkle of "Perfect!", a lot of "Good", some "Mediocre" and some "Bad". Makoto lowered his voice a bit, too self-conscious about the voice cracks and the bad notes he was hitting. He didn't want to sing louder than Haru and cover his voice that, according to the game, was perfect. The song ended with an honorable score, it wasn't a perfect score, of course, as Makoto didn't sing so well, but it wasn't that bad.

 

"Sorry, Haru, my singing really lowered the score... If you were the only one singing, you would have a perfect score I'm su—"

"Don't say that." Haru said, staring at Makoto with a deep frown.

"Huh ?"

"I don't care about perfect scores. This is about having fun together and trying to help you stop hating your voice."

"I know, but..."

"It’s alright, stop saying sorry."

"I know, Haru, sorry... I-I mean... !"

 

Haru snorted.

 

"Ok, that was your last sorry for tonight. Now you're not allowed to say it."

"Even if it's in a song ?"

"Of course you can say it in a song." Haru replied, rolling his eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure." Makoto said with a sheepish smile.

 

They chose another song, this time it was a bittersweet one about a man trying to find his place in the world. Most of the song was pretty upbeat and easy to sing because it was in Makoto's range, but the chorus was more desperate with some long high notes. And of course Makoto's voice cracked every time he attempted them. Haru was still casually hitting every note to perfection, like he wasn't even trying. Makoto wanted him to sing louder so he could hear him but he knew Haru didn't really like being heard either. Makoto was still very curious.

They did a bit better at that song, but it wasn't perfect that time either. He didn't apologize after it, because Haru had forbidden him to, still he looked at his best friend with puppy eyes that looked even more sorry that if he had said the word directly.

 

"You don't have the right to look at me like that either."

"I didn't even say anything !" Makoto whined.

"It's obvious that you feel bad, it's almost like you were saying the word you're not supposed to say."

"I know, so—"

 

Haru narrowed his eyes.

 

"Soooo... I need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

"Okay." Haru replied, his head tilted in confusion.

"You can play while I'm gone, you don't have to wait for me, you know!"

 

Haru just shrugged as an answer, not looking at Makoto anymore.

Makoto went to the bathroom. He stopped on the way back to his bedroom, in the corridor. He could hear Haru's voice.

It was low, confident and mellow, his voice never croaky or hesitating on difficult notes. Makoto wanted his heart to stop as it started beating loudly in his ears. Haru, when he was singing, sounded effortlessly beautiful. Just like swimming looked like his natural way of moving, singing sounded like his real voice was finally being heard. No wonder he wanted to be a mermaid when he was in kindergarten, Makoto thought, he clearly belonged with them. And like any mere mortal man, Makoto couldn't help it, he couldn't run away. More than that, he had to come closer. Makoto walked cautiously, making sure he wouldn't make the wooden floor creak under his weight, so he could sneak a peek without startling Haru.

Haru was sometimes closing his eyes on long notes, his head and torso slowly moving from left to right like he was carried away by the sound waves. He was singing a ballad about star-crossed lovers. It was a hit a few years earlier and it was used in a few TV dramas to make heartbreaking scenes even more dramatic. Makoto knew because sometimes he watched them with his parents. Makoto preferred watching movies with a happy end though. The song was really slow and intense with some high notes in it. Haru sang very quietly, like it was a prayer. The song ended. Makoto released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Haru looked in Makoto's direction, startled by the noise, then looked at the ground.

 

"How long have you been watching ?" Haru mumbled.

"Not so long, really."

"Okay."

"You sing so well, Haru! That song is really difficult, I can tell."

"It's not that hard." Haru shrugged, running his hand through his black hair.

"So now I can't say negative things about my voice but you can?"

"Hm?"

"Your voice sounds great, Haru. It's like you're a grown-up already!"

"Really."

"Yeah! If you say bad things about it, how do you expect me not to be self-conscious about mine?" Makoto said with a pout, before laughing.

"Your voice is good too."

"It still cracks a lot, and it's not even low yet. I still sound like a kid, except my voice goes all wrong sometimes!"

 

Haru didn't answer right away. He muffled a laugh in his hand.

 

"What's funny, Haru ?" Makoto whined.

"I tried to imagine you with a grown-up low voice. 'Haru-chan, I'm scared!'" Haru said with the lowest voice he could. "Haru-chaaaan!"

"Haru, that's not funny!" Makoto said while containing his own smile.

"I'm saying that your voice is fine. It suits you."

 

Makoto felt his face be warm again. If Haru thought his voice sounded good enough, well maybe Makoto could be satisfied with it. Maybe his voice wasn't beautiful but it wasn't completely terrible.

 

"Plus, even if you sounded like a kid, you really don't look like one anymore."

"You think so?"

"You're among the tallest boys in our year and, well, you put on muscle more easily too." Haru said, going through the song menu again, not looking at Makoto.

"Maybe that's just because I eat more and like doing muscle training, no?"

"Maybe." Haru pouted.

"Hm ?"

"I... I just think I should be the taller one, not you."

"Ah, you are older than me after all..."

 

Haru just shrugged. So he felt self-conscious sometimes too. Why did he think he was too small? He was pretty average in height, nothing to worry about. Was it about swimming then? All the olympic athletes are very tall. Maybe Haru wanted to become an olympic athlete then, but he was afraid he wouldn't be tall enough? Makoto had no idea if height was that important in swimming. Maybe he should ask the coach about it.

They chose another song, they didn't really understand what it was about, but it was catchy. Makoto caught himself glancing at Haru while they were singing. Haru's vivid blue eyes fixed on the screen, the bright lights reflecting on him. His lips, forming the words he was singing with precision and gracefulness. Sometimes, Makoto could see his teeth, or the tip of his tongue. Haru licked his lips when the guitar solo began, and Makoto felt dizzy. Haru glanced at him from the corner of his eye with a certain concern. Makoto yelped, turning the other way.

 

"Makoto. Are you okay ?"

"S-Sure, I'm fine ! Why are you asking ?"

"You've stopped singing for a while now."

 

Makoto blinked and looked at the screen. His success bar was decreasing quickly, it was almost empty.

 

"Aaaah, we're going to fail the song, Haru!"

"No, just sing until the end."

 

Makoto did, his voice still shaky from the emotional rollercoaster he had just experienced. According to the game, he wasn't singing so badly, but Makoto couldn't register what he was saying at all, as if he were on autopilot. His thoughts were like static, he could only think of the way Haru's lips moved when he was singing. Seeing the same images on loop, in slow motion, over and over. The song ended. Haru got up to turn the Playstation off.

 

"Huh? Why did you turn it off, Haru?"

"I thought you didn't want to sing anymore."

 

Surprisingly, Makoto didn't really want to stop singing. It was nice. Of course, he still didn't like his voice, but he didn't want to cry anymore at the thought of it. He liked singing with Haru, and think of Haru singing. He wouldn't mind playing another game, though. Makoto took the box of Animal Crossing and put the CD in the console.

 

•••

 

Over the time, it became a habit for them to sing together. At first, they continued just playing when the parents and the twins weren't there. Then, they allowed the twins to join, singing in their over-enthusiastic high voices. Makoto remembered Haru asking him if he minded so much that Ran and Ren didn't sing well. Makoto didn't, of course, as long as his siblings were having fun. Haru put some masking tape at the top of the screen so Makoto couldn't see his score until the very end. The parents ended up watching them sing together too. Makoto felt very embarrassed to sing with Haru in front of his parents, like his face was about to melt and his stomach about to implode. At the end of the song, his mother came to kiss him on top of his head and said she was glad he was having fun. Makoto smiled at both of his parents, he was very glad too and maybe a bit proud of what he had accomplished. He could feel Haru's proud stare on him. Makoto tried to hide how much he was blushing by pulling up the collar of his T-shirt, but his smile was still clearly visible.

However, it wasn't that simple. That was what Makoto realized as he heard the person two rows before him read out loud in literature class. This was his turn pretty soon and Makoto could feel his stomach stir with anxiety. He wanted to ask to go to the nurse office because he didn't feel well. As he began to raise his hand, he remembered what he had said to Haru, the day he asked to start singing with him. Makoto wanted to stop being afraid, no matter how hard it was. He put his hand down on his desk and inhaled deeply. He glanced to his left. Haru was looking out the window, as usual. Makoto didn't know if he really wanted Haru to look back at him, when he thought about it. On the one hand, his best friend could reassure him with one of his usual stares or blinks, on the other hand Makoto still had those weird reactions when Haru looked at him or when he said something nice. Sometimes, even when he wasn't doing anything special. It felt like being about to dive at a competition. Anticipation. Fear. Excitement. The feeling of being on the brink something amazing happening. It was like all his nerves and cells were focused on Haru, like Haru was all that mattered. Makoto hoped all those feelings would pass, but at the same time, they made him really happy.

The person in front of him finished reading. For a second, Makoto closed his eyes, hoping the teacher wouldn't see him. He knew it had no chance of happening, still he thought it. The teacher called his name, and Makoto stood up, holding the literature book in his trembling, clammy hands. His whole body was trembling, from his hands to the tips of his toes, his lips and his knees too. He glanced on the left again. Haru was looking at him. Haru smiled discreetly and blinked. Makoto smiled back nervously and took another breath.

He stuttered on the first few words. Of course this was going to go badly, how could it be any other way? Makoto's breathing became more erratic and his vision blurry as his voice cracked and stopped at every other word like he was a first grader. What a failure he was. He was going to cry like a kid because he can't even read properly without his voice being all strange. Haru was probably disappointed in him. The others were laughing at him, thinking of some cruel nickname to give him, Makoto was sure of it. Yet he continued reading, swallowing his sadness and disappointment so they don't overflow. It was exhausting, suffocating. That poison in the air again.

 

"Alright, Tachibana, you can sit back down. Nanase, can you please continue reading where he stopped."

 

Makoto rubbed his eyes, even though there were no tears in them. He was just really tired. He let the calm voice of his best friend slow his irregular breathing. When people met them for the first time, they would always think the one with anxiety was Haru. After all, Makoto smiled all the time, joked, played, made sure everyone was happy. Surely, he was happy too! Makoto was only scared of ghosts and horror stories, no way he could be afraid of water or of disappointing the people he cared about. No way.

Haru wasn't an oblivious kid either, but he managed whenever he wasn't okay. Makoto always admired Haru for that. Haru was always strong. Haru didn't cry when he was afraid, he didn't tremble, he just powered through. Haru never felt like had to do something he didn't want to do. He didn't care if people didn't like him and laughed at him. He powered through. Why did Haru feel like his height or muscle mass mattered? Makoto would give all of his if it meant Haru could give him a tiny bit of his mental strength.

Makoto observed Haru while he was reading. Standing up straight, his head a bit lowered, holding the book with both of his hands so it could stay steady. His blue eyes, dull with how bored out of his mind Haru was, were following the words on the page rapidly as he read them. Makoto found himself following the movement of Haru's irises. He preferred how those eyes looked when Haru was gazing at the sea or at a pool, all shiny and vibrant like a waterfall. What would it feel like, if Haru looked at Makoto like he looked at water? His heart would stop, Makoto knew it. It would be a pleasant way to die.

As dull as Haru's eyes looked in literature class, they were still very beautiful in Makoto's point of view. Haru closed his eyes, the teacher had told him to sit down and let the next classmate read. Haru sat back down in silence, his movements slow, none superfluous. As soon as he was done, he looked at Makoto with wide concerned eyes. Not "What have you done?" but "Are you okay? Are you upset?". Makoto answered with a sheepish smile as guilt crept in him. He was making Haru worry about him, he was a terrible best friend. Makoto avoided Haru's gaze for the rest of class. He didn't want to burden Haru with his problems and anxieties.  

Lunch time arrived. Most of the time, Makoto would snap Haru out of his daydreaming to ask him to eat on the roof. That time, Haru was the one to remind Makoto that they had to eat. Makoto nodded, still looking at the ground, wallowing in self-hatred. They both went to the roof to eat their bentos. Makoto's mother had prepared omelet and fried chicken with rice and some tomatoes. He hoped his mother didn't have to wake up too early to prepare this. Makoto wanted to make his own bentos like Haru did, but Makoto was too clumsy and slow. He wasn't sure he would even eat the food he had prepared himself. Makoto sighed, eating some rice to divert his thoughts. It was still lukewarm and good. He ate some omelet too. Maybe if Haru couldn't teach him how to do it, his own mother could help? He had to ask her, when he went back home.

A pair of chopsticks put something on top of his rice. Makoto took it with his own to look at it. It was grilled mackerel. Makoto glanced at Haru who was eating silently, like nothing had happened, like it wasn't him but just some kind of mackerel fairy.

 

"Thank you Haru, but I have enough to eat. You can take it back."

"I know you have enough to eat."

"Then why did you give me mackerel?"

"Mackerel makes me happy." Haru shrugged.

"I-I see. Thanks Haru."

 

Haru hummed. Makoto bit in the piece of grilled fish his friend had offered him. The skin was a bit crispy and salty, contrasting with the softness of its white flesh, melting in Makoto's mouth. He sighed softly around his chopsticks. Once he had finished it, he looked at Haru. In fact, Haru was already staring at Makoto with a smile in his eyes, probably gauging Makoto's reaction.

 

"It's so good, Haru! You're getting better and better at this!"

"I think the skin is a bit too crispy." Haru said in a half-question.

"You know mackerel better than I do, I guess." Makoto laughed softly. "I still find it very good."

"Do you want another piece?" Haru was already breaking the remains in half to give one to Makoto.

"Only if you let me give you some fried chicken or omelet in return. You need to eat too, Haru!"

"I'm good, thanks."

"You'll never be tall and strong if you refuse food." Makoto scolded half-seriously.

"... Okay, I'll take some fried chicken then. I don't know how to do it myself yet."

"There you go." Makoto gave two small pieces of fried chicken to Haru.

"Thank you."

 

They ate side by side in silence. There weren't a lot of people outside, even though it was summer. A lot of people were eating with members of their club, then. Makoto liked the quietness. Being above the trees, seeing the houses, the shops, the coast and the sea extending towards the horizon, joining the blue sea glittering under the sun. Makoto was glad his breathing was back to normal and his negative, intrusive thoughts decided to let him rest for a while. Makoto closed his eyes. A nap would be good.

 

"Makoto."

"Hm?"

"If you want to sleep, you can put your head on my shoulder."

 

Makoto opened his eyes. Haru wanted Makoto to sleep on him? They were rarely touchy-feely with each other, so it took Makoto by surprise. Of course he would like to be close to Haru. He would be more comfortable than the concrete wall, Makoto was sure of it.

 

"O-Okay, thanks Haru."

"Hm."

 

Makoto put his head on Haru's shoulder. He tried at least, because their height difference made it awkward. At last, he found a position that wasn't too uncomfortable. Makoto could feel the warmth radiating from Haru's skin. Haru smelled really good, not good like curry or like roses. Makoto couldn't describe it. Maybe he just liked it because it was Haru's. Puberty was weird. He had never noticed those things about Haru before. Makoto barely dared to breathe, being so close to Haru. Haru put his head on Makoto. Makoto gasped.

 

"I woke you up?"

"I wasn't sleeping, barely dozing, actually." Makoto laughed quietly.

"Okay. You can sleep, I'll wake you up when we have to go back to class."

"You care about arriving on time now?"

"Not really, but you do."

"Hm." Makoto hoped Haru could not feel how warm his cheeks were.

"If we end up late, the teacher will scold us and you will scold me. Not worth it." Haru snorted.

"Don't make me sound meaner than I am, Haru..."

 

Haru didn't answer but leaned closer to Makoto. The brown-haired boy slept soundly until he had to get up for class, his neck and back feeling sore. He was definitely too tall to sleep on Haru. The weak pain was still worth how happy it made him. The bitterness and sadness of the morning wasn't forgotten but went to the back of his mind. It was good enough.

They didn't sing for the three weeks after that.

 

•••

 

Haru came for sleepovers, in the meantime. They just didn't mention what had happened in literature class. Haru was certainly waiting for Makoto to bring it up because he didn't want to upset him. Makoto was grateful for that. However, it just gave him a chance to drop the subject and be a coward. So he took it. They played other games together, watched television, played with the twins, talked for hours. There was just this huge elephant in the room.

Haru removed his shirt to put his pajamas on, while Makoto looked away in shame. He glanced at his best friend's naked torso once in a while, hating himself more and more every time he did it. Talk about two elephants in the room instead. All those confusing feelings were taking too much space. Makoto felt like he couldn't move or walk or even breathe freely with all those unmentioned things between them. He should begin with the easiest things of the two, even if they were both difficult to talk about.

 

"H-Haru?"

"What."

"I'm sorry for what happened." Makoto looked at the ground, clutching a pillow.

"When."

"In literature class, when I had to read and messed up everything."

"Why would you apologize to me?" Haru asked, genuinely surprised.

"You worked so hard to help me but I'm too weak. It was useless in the end."

"Worked hard. What are you talking about?"

 

Makoto gestured towards the television. Haru didn't say anything for a few seconds.

 

"We sang together. It's not work. I didn't mind."

"I know you don't really like talking, Haru. You probably don't like singing either. All that time, you must have thought 'This is too much effort'" Makoto laughed sadly.

"It isn't too much if it's for you."

 

Makoto looked back at Haru. His blue eyes were completely opened to him, accepting and embracing Makoto in all his strengths and weaknesses. Makoto wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, he felt so lucky to have such a best friend. He never loved Haru that much in his entire life. So much that he could feel fear looming at the bottom of his stomach, and Makoto didn't want to admit what it could mean.

That night, he didn't face Haru when they slept. It was too much. Friends didn't feel the way he did, did they? That's too much even for childhood best friends, Makoto was sure of it. He didn't want Haru to be mad or to lose Haru, because hormones were stupid and wild and puberty was even more devoid of any kind of sense. Makoto shifted a bit further away from Haru, too scared by how much closer he truly wanted to be, if he listened to his heart.

 

•••

 

"Makoto, are you okay at school?" His mother asked as he helped her wash the dishes.

"Yes, no problem. Everything's fine."

"Maybe you think that it's not my business, but I am your mother. I want to know if something is wrong."

"I know. Everything is okay, really."

"You seem on edge lately. You even seem nervous around Haru-chan. Did you two have a fight?"

"N-No! I would never fight with Haru! He's my best friend!" Makoto yelped, almost dropping a glass he was drying.

"Sometimes best friends fight, it happens."

"We didn't fight, mom, I swear." Makoto mumbled, continuing to dry the already-dry glass.

"Okay. If you feel sad and you want to tell someone, you can tell me, you understand?"

 

Makoto nodded with a small fake smile. He didn't want to tell anyone what was going on. He had no idea what was going on. Maybe he had a vague hint of an idea, but that alone was drowning him in self-consciousness and shame. He wanted to shove it in an empty drawer at the back of his mind and never speak of it again, like what he did with the karaoke game. But that drawer had been opened in the end, hadn’t it?

Makoto knew he had to do something with his feelings, though. He couldn't stay that way with Haru, their friendship was so important for the both of them! Taking that decision wasn't making him feel any happier, and it didn't make the fear go away. If anything, it was even more painful. There was no good way to solve this, was there.

 

•••

 

They decided to sing together again, at another sleepover at the Tachibana's. Well, Makoto suggested it, even if he was really uneasy. He was biting his lip, scratching his head, crossing his arms, a superbly ridiculous caricature of an anxious person. Makoto laughed nervously. The original plan was to force himself to make things normal again between Haru and him. Well, not exactly. Haru had done nothing wrong. It was Makoto's fault. Haru didn't want to sing, as it was really obvious that his best friend dreaded every second of it. Makoto wanted to calm himself down. How could anything go back to normal when he was almost paralyzed by fear? Makoto smiled a smile he knew Haru would see through immediately, a very bad lie. Haru frowned. He wasn't mad or disappointed. He was frustrated. Makoto's feelings weren't his fault, yet he wanted to help.

They sat on the floor side by side, though Makoto let a good distance between the two of them, bigger than what they used to do. Haru looked at the empty space that separated them with a confused stare. By trying to make things better, Makoto was really making them more awkward, wasn't he. Makoto shifted a few centimeters towards his best friend. He wanted to squeeze his heart until it stopped beating that violently. He wanted to sink in the coldest bath he could find so his face would finally cool down. He wanted all of this to stop, but he could not.

Don't look at Haru, don't look at Haru, don't look at Haru. That became Makoto's mantra since they entered his bedroom. Don't look at his amazing blue eyes or his soft skin or his small pouty lips. Don't even think of Haru's lips. Ever. Pretend they don't even exist. Why would you even care about those things, Makoto? Don't care about these things. Never dare to care about them even for a tiny second. Never.

Makoto looked at the menu, hoping the bright animations would distract him. But the more he thought about not looking at Haru, the more he thought about Haru, and the more he wanted to look at him. It was like he was missing Haru, even if he was just sitting next to him. Makoto would just have to power through this. He was stronger than letting stupid hormones and puberty and feelings decide for him. All his thoughts were a confused, angry jumble in his head, he thought his head was about to explode. Maybe he needed some sleep, or aspirin.

Haru chose the first song. It was the first song they had chosen in the game. That boys band again. Makoto clenched his jaw. Not what he needed. Not the bright charming smile of a pop idol telling him to have fun and be carefree during the summer. Singing about walks on the beach and summer love and sunsets and pool parties or whatever they were even singing about. Makoto mumbled the whole time, hating every single word that was coming out of his mouth. According to the game, he was better at singing when he was angry.  Makoto snorted. At least there was a bright side to all of this, but he couldn't care less.

Makoto breathed deeply a few times, he didn't need to be bitter like this. That was the opposite of what he wanted to do. He wanted to smile and laugh with Haru and not feel weird about it.

 

"You sang better than usual, apparently." Haru mumbled tentatively.

"Yeah, do you think so?" Makoto replied, all his anger drained out of him by that cool voice.

"The game says so." Makoto wasn't looking, but he knew Haru shrugged. Makoto smiled.

"What do you think?"

"You didn't seem to be happy. You liked this song the times before. I thought it'd be okay."

 

Haru had chosen that song for Makoto. He wanted Makoto to be okay, above all else. No matter how many elephants Makoto let into the room, Haru was making sure they could find a way to breathe. How could Makoto love Haru any less when he did that kind of things? When he cared so much? Makoto rubbed his eyes.

Makoto laughed in defeat. Maybe he couldn't fight it. He had to wait for those feelings to leave him alone. He didn't want to fight them. He wanted to speak to Haru, make him smile and laugh. Swim with him, eat with him, play with him, like they always did. And yeah, maybe Makoto's heart would race, maybe his face would feel warm and his legs be like jelly. Those thoughts about Haru would come and go. Makoto would just let them die. Put them in a little empty drawer in his mind and lock it. If he couldn't, well he would deal with them later on. That seemed painful too, but less painful than worrying Haru and making him feel useless. It was hard for him to make up his mind about what to do about this. He had too many feelings for a thirteen-year-old boy, it was exhausting.

 

"Sorry, Haru. I guess I don't feel so well today. One last song and then we go to sleep? What do you think?"

"Sure. Do you want to take some medicine first?"

"No, I think some sleep will take care of it."

"Okay."

 

They looked through the song menu again. There was that beautiful sad ballad again about star-crossed lovers, the one that made Makoto stop and stare at Haru in awe. It was really ironic wasn't it. Makoto should have seen it coming, feeling whatever he felt towards his best friend while he was singing that kind of song, this was telling. Makoto wanted to laugh but his throat and eyes wanted to cry, so he didn't do anything at all. Haru hesitated for a few seconds, then went past that song.

 

"You don't choose that song? You sang it once. You were really good at it!" Makoto exclaimed.

"I don't know. I don't feel like it."

"Why not ?"

"I don't like love stories with a sad ending."

 

Makoto stopped breathing and looked at Haru. He was still looking at the song menu, oblivious to what he had just said. Makoto knew that it was only a coincidence, Haru couldn't mean anything by that, Makoto made sure he couldn't search the empty drawers in the back of his mind. Then again, Haru was good at a lot of things, including reading Makoto's mind. Who knows. Maybe he meant something by it, maybe not. Makoto smiled, feeling awfully selfish.

 

"I don't like love stories with a sad ending either." He mumbled in his sleeve, looking back at the floor.

 

Haru nodded.

The next song had cryptic lyrics, and Makoto understood nothing of it. Makoto smiled through the entire song, not knowing what to do with the spark of hope Haru had ignited in his heart. He just let it be, letting it warm him meaninglessly. He would deal with that later.

 

•••

 

Makoto slowly got used to what he felt. He still had trouble putting a name on it : was it deep admiration? A crush? Love? No matter the name, something was there. Haru was staying, no matter what he saw or read or ignored in Makoto's heart. As always, Makoto was grateful. They could laugh, play, watch movies, everything they used to do. Somehow, Makoto felt like his heart wasn't racing as often, he wouldn't blush for no reason anymore and he wouldn't be nervous all the time when he was too close to Haru. Sometimes, he wondered if he was just in denial and this was all wishful thinking. Some other times, he regretted how intensely he felt at first. He denied the latter times right after they went through his head.

At some point, they stopped singing. Not because Makoto was scared, not that he wasn't anymore either, but at least it had become manageable. He didn't like reading out loud in literature class, but he didn't hate literature class. Sometimes his hands were shaking and his voice cracked, but he had accepted it. It wasn't so much of a big deal anymore. That wasn't that he had stopped caring, he just didn't care enough anymore. He started rambling about random things with his classmates again. Haru was the most bored person on Earth when he did that, he could tell, but he could see Haru was happy that he was less anxious as time went by. Makoto was happy he wasn't worrying Haru anymore.

So things looked like they were going back to normal between Makoto and Haru, they had to. Time healed everything, like people said. Makoto smiled at Haru as they met on the stone steps. In his heart the huge hope that he would be able to completely let go of those feelings, and the small spark that burned since that night, telling him to never do.

 


	5. The Sims [part 1]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating a bit later, I was on a trip with my girlfriend and it was awesome~  
> I'm very excited to share this chapter with you all, since I won the last NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) with it. You might have guessed it, this chapter is 50k long! (hence the two parts haha)
> 
> Enjoy!

Makoto hadn’t played The Sims in a long time, but when Ran got it for her birthday, he got curious. She had installed it on his computer anyway, since she didn’t have one. He created a new file with the default town and looked through the existing families. Even though some of the stories looked a bit intriguing, he wasn’t that interested. So he created a family of his own.

  
After five minutes of staring into nothingness, he concluded that he had no imagination whatsoever and created a sim of himself. Not too much muscle — it’d look a bit weird, right ? — a hairstyle that vaguely looked like his, green eyes, standard face. That’d do the trick. He chose a red plaid shirt similar to one he saw in a store the week before — he should talk to his mom about it — and some jeans. Kept the glasses only for the night outfit. Personality? He thought it’d be too flattering but he couldn’t think of anything else : athletic, friendly, nurturing and animal lover. Still one more. He blushed a bit as he clicked on "hopeless romantic”. How could he be any other way when he liked Haru as much as he did, after all?

Speaking of Haru, Makoto decided to create him too. _"Just so my sim isn’t alone, of course!"_   He thought, a blush creeping on the back of his neck. No other reason at all. They’re best friends in real life, so they could stay best friends in the game. Really.

He started with putting the right amount of muscles, picking the right skin tone, so far so good. It became tricky when he had to recreate Haru’s face. There was no shade of blue as vivid as Haru’s eyes, no hairstyle that looked as mysterious yet adorable and so soft-looking and overall very flattering as his. And he didn’t even begin to try to capture Haru’s features yet! This was going to be very, very difficult.

Makoto thought about settling down for what he could have, it was just a game after all, but insulting Haru’s beauty was simply not allowed in his mind.

Mods existed for this game, right ? He knew some people downloaded one to see their Sims naked instead of a beige pixelated mess. The thought of it made heat rise to his cheeks and ears as he whined in embarrassment, hiding his face in his hands. He saw Haru naked quite regularly but as casual as the situation was — getting out of the bath, changing in the locker room — he couldn’t completely get used to it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to. This didn’t make being shy and slightly turned on at the thought of a naked Sim of his best friend any less ridiculous.

Ran played on his computer anyway, so installing that kind of stuff was completely out of the question. He sighed.

  
Back to the reason why he was looking for mods in the first place : making Haru’s Sim beautiful. He would have to download a new skin pattern first, wondering if he should create winter’s Haru, with his sensitive pale skin lightly dusted pink on his cheeks and tip of his nose, or summer’s sun-kissed Haru, with his scorching tanned skin, making his eyes look like two oases in the middle of the desert. And this was without mentioning the tan line he bore sinfully low on his hips, daring Makoto to trace it with more than just his eyes.

Makoto shook his head. If he daydreamed that much every time he thought of one of Haru’s features, he'd still be creating that Sim at 3 AM.  He downloaded the skin tone he thought closest to Haru’s, ignoring the question of Haru’s sky map of beauty marks and blushing profusely when he saw that he could define his body hair.

But then came the problem of Haru’s eyes. If Makoto wanted to insult their captivating beauty, he’d have said  ‘they’re blue’. If he wanted to make an easy metaphor that would slightly flatter Haru and make him roll his eyes, he’d say they’re like the sea of Iwatobi, calm and familiar. They may look dull to the uninitiated, but they’re expressive and ever changing. Though unlike the sea of Iwatobi, Haru’s gaze always made Makoto feel safe and strong.

Makoto would rather not think about the times he caught Haru staring at him. Beautiful shining eyes, crinkled at the corners, keeping himself from smiling so hard that Makoto could feel Haru’s chest feel lighter in his stead, swore he could feel a butterfly deliciously stir the boy's stomach. He could see that in Haru’s eyes, he felt like he could see anything in those amazing irises.

And because he felt like he could see anything, it probably meant he invented most of it. The butterflies were probably his own anyway.

It took ten minutes to choose the right color. He wasn’t entirely satisfied with it. At least it was better than what he had chosen at first.

 

Finally, Haru’s hair. Jet black and so silky soft in spite of the pool’s chlorine and the salty sea breeze, cut in pretty much the same way since forever. Except that one time in middle school when Makoto tried to help Haru cut his hair and made it asymmetrical. Haru had said many times that it was fine, even as he kept putting the longer lock behind his ear during class. As much as he felt guilty for messing up his best friend’s beautiful hair, Makoto couldn’t help but find that new habit endearing. He couldn’t forget how Haru’s hair felt between his fingers at that time and wished he could find excuses to run his hands through it again. Haru would probably feel uneasy though, so Makoto kept that to himself. ‘Haru, can I touch your hair for a few minutes for no reason?’ could seem a bit creepy, after all. Makoto sighed while scrolling through the haircut catalogue, finally finding what he was looking for.

  
At least, the question of what Haru would wear was way easier. They did their shopping together after all, so Makoto got to know his clothing style. Blue, beige, white and black, large tops and skinny pants, likes polka dots and stripes, secretly wishes he could pull off sequined clothes for a more mermaid-like look. The style was quite plain in itself, but it suited him. Makoto chose a white T-shirt with a fish on it with a light blue jacket and dark blue skinny pants. Well, that was easy indeed.

When it came to the pajamas part, Makoto couldn’t choose between a tender laugh or blushing until steam came out of his ears. Somehow he did both. The first reaction was about a few years before, when he had bought a custom-made mackerel kigurumi for Haru’s birthday. He still remembered Haru wearing it, staring at his shiny blue fins, mouthing a silent ‘amazing’. He looked at Makoto, his eyes as bright as the fabric he was wearing, and said, out loud this time : ‘Makoto. Thank you.’ It was like Makoto was celebrating his friend’s fifth birthday, instead of the thirteenth, and he couldn’t have been happier.

It had been the first time Haru had smiled since he had quit swimming.

 

Well, there weren't any mackerel kigurumi or even fish-themed pajamas so Makoto had to drop that idea. Remembering the second one made his face heat up instantly. These past months, Haru got the habit of borrowing Makoto’s clothes to sleep, claiming they were comfier than his. What Makoto was sure of, was that they were way too big for Haru, the neckline frequently dropping off his shoulder, showing his collarbones. And he looked so cute like that, Makoto just wanted to tell him sweet nothings and cuddle when he saw him in his giant T-shirts. Not sure Haru would like being called cute though, which would explain the way Haru glared at him when Makoto thought about it. More recently, Haru had showed a preference for his yellow and orange shirt. It was one of Makoto’s favorites so he wore it quite a lot. Once he noticed Haru asking specifically for that shirt, Makoto decided that it would be his. Haru didn’t seem really happy with the fact that Makoto would stop wearing it for him and insisted that he could still wear it if he wanted to, when Haru wasn’t sleeping at his house. This was a bit confusing, but Makoto agreed nonetheless. Especially when he smelled on that shirt a familiar yet exciting scent. Haru’s. After all those years spent together he would have expected not to notice it, but not only he did, he loved it. The first night, he could barely sleep, giggling and sighing in his shirt. Their shirt.

 

Makoto sighed. He had it bad.

  
The game didn’t have oversized shirts either, so Makoto gave him a normal-sized one. It was still yellow and orange, because he couldn’t imagine Haru wearing anything else as sleeping attire. It was just part of Haru’s sleeping routine as Makoto knew it. And well, it was nice to be reminded that they shared a shirt.

 

“Like a couple” Makoto would like to say, but just thinking about it made him grin so wide he could split his face in two. He lowered his head to the desk.

“What am I even doing?” Makoto laughed. “Haru would probably say I’m an idiot.”

 

Even the thought of Haru calling him an idiot gave him butterflies.

His breathing got slower, sometimes interrupted by laughter, until he calmed down completely. He still had an idiotic smile plastered on his face. That’s until he had to choose a suit for Haru. The butterflies sunk to the bottom of his stomach. Haru only wore one once.

 

Haru wearing a suit. Black suit and tie, white shirt, black shoes. Standing straight, a flower bouquet in his little hands. Tears staining his reddened cheeks. Haru biting his lip to keep himself from sobbing again. He said his grandmother would be sad if he cried. Haru giving the flowers and whispering a last goodbye to her. Raising his head to look at Makoto. Haru never forced himself to smile, but Makoto saw the saddest one on his face that day. A smile that desperately tried to contain sobs and screams and sorrow. Haru knew Makoto would see through it instantly, but he still smiled for him. Makoto couldn’t move at all, stunned by his best friend’s expression. He didn’t know what to do about it. So Makoto took Hand’s hand with both of his. Entwined their fingers, gripped so hard it kind of hurt. Makoto looked softly at Haru. The black-haired boy nodded, understanding immediately. _‘I’m still here for you. Always will be.’_

 

He made Haru’s Sim wear a white suit. At least he would wear that for a happier occasion. A small smile came back on his face.

 

The sports clothes were easy to choose and brought no bad memories to mind. He and Haru had been jogging together for years, so he knew what kind of clothes he wore. They even bought them together along with the rest of the clothes and sometimes bought matching sets. Makoto should have blushed at the fact that they wore matching accessories like a couple — a really cheesy one — but it was more a "childhood friends" thing than anything. Their moms used to buy them matching clothes when they were little after all. Like he did with his Sim, he made Haru's wear the Iwatobi swimming team jersey. Once they graduate, they probably won’t wear matching ones anymore. He’d rather not think about it.

Finally, Haru's swimsuit. Could also count as casual outfit, underwear and occasional pajamas. Makoto silently prayed that he would never wear them as formal wear. Black jammers with violet lines, no matter what. It started in middle school, a few months before he quit. The club's captain advised Haru to try jammers. Since he was really good at swimming and clearly loved it, spending a bit more money in a swimsuit would be worth it. Makoto went to the store with Haru who tried various ones. Haru didn't like ankle-length, said it felt awkward. He took several pairs of knee-length ones. He tried them all, moved and stretched in them to see if they fit. Makoto looked at anything, anywhere but his best friend. That was ridiculous, they were both in their swimsuits a few hours before, but somehow this was different. Most of the time he was concentrated on swimming or listening to their captain, so the embarrassing thoughts didn't have an occasion of resurfacing. That time, sitting on a bench in front of the fitting room, he had nothing else to distract himself with. It was torture. 

 

"Makoto."

"A-Ah ! What's the matter?" Makoto exclaimed.

"Which one did you prefer?"

"U-Uh... They all fit you very well, Haru!"

"... Wishy-washy." Haru sighed.

"I'm not!"

"Then?"

"Which one did you prefer? You're the one wearing it after all!"

"I like the one with orange lines and the one with purple lines."

"Purple, then?"

 

Haru nodded. He bought black jammers with purple lines ever since. It suited him after all, the color complimented his skin and deep blue eyes. Makoto was glad he chose that, back then. Unfortunately, there weren't any jammers in the game, so Makoto chose shorts. Black with purple lines of course.

 

Haru's personality traits were next. Five traits. Makoto had no idea if it was too much or not enough. Well at least they were not what the computer randomly generated : Haru clearly isn't an kleptomaniac flirty vegetarian who loves rocks and airplanes. Makoto chuckled and removed all of these. Beginning with the obvious : Haru is a natural cook, he's an artist and he loves water. That made three, two left. Hmm... Maybe loner?

 

_"He does hang out with me all the time, though... I wonder if he would really prefer being alone than being with me?"_

 

Knowing Haru, he wouldn't force himself to stay with Makoto if he didn't feel like it. Still, he's still pretty much a loner, so Makoto chose that trait. Only one left. Makoto glanced at a mouth icon. "Great kisser". He blushed immediately and hid his face behind his hands, biting his lip.

 

"I wish I knew that! I'm sure he is..." He mumbled.

 

He didn't choose that trait though. That wasn't what primarily defined Haru after all. "Good". Well of course Haru is a good person! He's one of the most gentle people Makoto has ever known. Despite being brutally honest, he always means well. it's one of the many reasons Makoto likes him. That was a good fifth trait to choose.

... Well, then there was a sensitive subject. Haru's lifetime wish. If only they could have that conversation... The simple mention of "future" or "dream" would make Haru tense and withdraw. Letters from universities would end up at the bottom of drawers and calls from scouts would never be listened to. Once, Makoto was there when it happened.

 

He had given Haru his cell phone, telling him that he had a voicemail from an unknown number. Haru had ignored him at first but eventually took the phone, knowing Makoto would have insisted until he did it. Still reading his magazine — about the best fish restaurants in Japan, but none of them specialized in mackerel, a shame, according to Haru — he had put the phone on speaker.

 

"Hello, this is Takahashi-san, from the University of—"

 

Haru hung up, shut the phone and made it slide under his bed without even glancing at it.

 

"Haru?"

"It wasn't important."

"It was a university, Haru, I heard it!"

"Makoto. Leave it."

"But—"

"Isn't it time for you to go home?"

 

Makoto felt his stomach drop. Haru looked him in the eye through his black bangs, piercing, cold, his jaw clenched. Makoto looked away and through the window of Haru's room. The sun was still painting the clouds in orange and pink shades.

 

"Y-you're right, I guess I should go. The twins need help with their homework anyway, I think." Makoto said with a shaky laugh while rummaging through his school bag. "You should come by soon, for dinner! They keep asking me about you. My parents, too!"

 

Makoto stopped moving. It was a simple phrase really. Being the way he is, he had said similar things a billion times. That time, it felt heavy, so heavy he was afraid it was going to be a burden on Haru. That it would hurt him. Still, he had to say it, even if tears prickled his eyes and his throat began to smother his voice.

That they just wanted him to reach out to them, to open up, because they all loved him, they all worried, really. And it didn't matter if he wanted to be an olympic swimmer or not. Hell, Makoto would move heaven and earth to turn Haru into a mermaid if that's what would make him truly happy. He would do anything.

He didn't say anything. He was too afraid of breaking in the middle of his sentence and making Haru feel guilty on top of being upset. He just left.

 

A month passed. It was still the same, except worse. Makoto found out what he wanted to do. As much as he was happy with finding a dream, it felt like he was betraying Haru. They were supposed to go through everything together, at their pace. Now, it was like Haru reaching for him at the end of the pool, and Makoto not taking his hand. Haru drowning, and Makoto happily walking away. It felt unnatural, sickening. He had to tell him, somehow. That he found a dream, and the university in Tokyo that would lead him to it. That he wanted Haru with him, he wanted to share that future with him. To always take Haru's hand when he reached for him.

Well, at least there was a lifetime wish vague enough that he didn't have to make assumptions about what Haru wanted to do. "Renaissance Sim : master three skills." Makoto laughed. It was really like Haru to be good at everything. Maybe that was the problem.

 

Next, he had to choose Haru's voice. He moved the cursor and clicked on the different voices for five minutes. He just had to accept that no Sim voice will be as soft yet nonchalantly assertive as Haru's. Every "Makoto", every "Drop the -chan", every exasperated sigh, every amused snort, everything that Haru said made Makoto feel lighter. He just wished he could hear even more sounds from Haru.

L-Like his laugh! That's what he was talking about, obviously.

 

Then, his favorite color. Blue, obviously. Favorite food? ...There was no mackerel. Sushi or grilled salmon? Makoto could already feel Haru's glare on the back of his head. He chose grilled salmon, vowing to find out how to change it to mackerel. Finally, favorite music. They listened to the same things, but he could never tell for sure what Haru preferred. He was pretty sure that Haru was messing with him when he said what he liked best was listening to whales. He chose custom.

And that was it. Haru's Sim was created. Makoto sighed in relief, he hadn't done such a bad job. So now for the link between the two of them. Roommates or boyfriends, nothing in between. No "childhood best friends", no "irremediably in love with the other who's not aware of it and that's increasingly frustrating", no "feels like home", no "soulmates", no "Haru and Makoto". Roommates or boyfriends. Then roommates it was. The family's name : Tachibana-Nanase. Makoto imagined both of their names hyphenated on the plaque in front of their future house. A little house near the sea, like in Iwatobi, because that's where they both belong. A small, serene, cosy home warmed by the sun and caressed by the sea breeze. That seemed really nice. Even if Haru didn't return his feelings, just living together as friends, or even being neighbors forever, that was enough. He clicked on the "confirm" button. The city was slowly loading.

 

Where should they live ? Given the money they had, Makoto didn't really have a choice. Only five houses were affordable for them, and none of them were close to the beach. They'd just have to spare money until they could move out. A little house surrounded by a pond and trees caught his attention. Normally, living in a house like that would have scared him, but The Sims isn't a horror game, is it? Nothing can happen!

 

**"Mosquito Cove : Imagine your own footbridge into your like-new home ! This small house with big character is situated on water-rich real estate and includes an almost screened-in porch."**

 

Makoto laughed, thinking of Haru's reaction to that kind of house. He's not even sure the mosquitos would stop him from jumping in the pond. Makoto would stop him for that reason though. Haru would probably be frustrated to be surrounded by water he couldn't swim in, when he thought about it.

He still chose it, thinking that the others looked too plain or not like something they would both like. It was too expensive to buy it with the furniture, so when the Sims arrived in their new home, it was completely empty.

Makoto's first wish : start a career in politics. Nope, thank you. Had never been interested, still wasn't. So absurd, he had never thought about it. Haru wanted to work in a restaurant though, so Makoto confirmed the wish.

 

When Haru had finally learned that he couldn't be a mermaid, he didn't want to be an olympic swimmer. He wanted to be a chef, mostly to spend his time surrounded by the sight, scent and sounds of grilled mackerel. Haru's dream wasn't to be the best, making people realize how delicious mackerel is was good enough for him.

 

"You wouldn't get to eat it though, Haru-chan!" whined a seven-year-old Makoto while eating his grilled mackerel. "Wouldn't you be upset?"

Haru tilted his head in thought for a few seconds.

"Even if I don't always eat what I make, I like cooking for you. And for the others too."

Makoto's heart felt lighter, and a grin brightened his face.

"I'm glad then! You'll definitely be the best at cooking mackerel, Haru-chan!"

 

On these words, Makoto appreciated even more what his best friend had cooked. He was already imagining him wearing the white uniform complete with a toque, owning a big restaurant. He would probably name it  "The Golden Mackerel", or something along those lines. The whole world would go there to eat mackerel, Makoto knew it. Everyone could love mackerel if Haru-chan was cooking it. It was quite a privilege to be one of the first people to taste it!

 

Makoto stared at Haru's wish icon. Did he still have that idea in his mind? Not as a dream, but even just as a plan B? As something that wouldn't be so bad spending the rest of his life doing? Of course, Makoto didn't want Haru to settle with a plan B when he deserved so much more, but it would be better than nothing. Maybe he could find his dream later. As long as Haru didn't have any regrets, Makoto was fine with whatever he would choose. He wanted to talk to Haru about it. Tell him that they could look for universities together, that he could cry on his shoulder, that he could rant and yell, as long as he talked to him he could take it. It would break his heart but for him, he could take it.

Another career was also suggested for Haru : professional athlete. Makoto sighed with a pained smile. Hitting where it hurts, huh? Makoto couldn't ignore how much the future frightened Haru, but he couldn't pretend Haru hated competition altogether. He saw the way his eyes shined in anticipation as he waited to dive in the relay. Professional athlete didn't fit Haru, according to Makoto. But everyone else thought it was obvious. Makoto just couldn't see it.  
  
Athlete or cook? Makoto hesitated for a short while until he saw the offer for the first-level job in sports : mascot.

Haru would definitely approve of this. Makoto chuckled to himself.  
  


Oh yes, there's no furniture in the house! Apart from a creepy looking yellow stove and refrigerator on the first floor, and bathtub and toilets on the second floor, it was empty. Makoto switched to Buy Mode, glancing worriedly at the small amount of money he had left. Making this haunted-looking cabin into a home would take a while it seemed. He first bought a fire alarm and anti-theft alarm, he wouldn't want anything to happen! Then he bought a cheap wooden table with two chairs and put them on the little patio on the front.

They needed beds, obviously. Makoto looked at the limited choice he had. He compared the prices and comfort levels for several minutes. For the same comfort, it was cheaper to buy a king size bed rather than two single beds. 

 

"Of course it is..." he sighed with a defeated smile.

Makoto tried to reason a bit. It didn't have to mean anything! Best friends could sleep in the same bed, that was not creepy of him to want to buy a king size bed to spare a bit of money, was it? They did sleep next to each other as children and Haru never seemed to mind. Even when Makoto took the habit of gripping Haru's shirt. As they became too tall to share the same bed, they would still sleep as close to each other as they could. Makoto still searched for Haru in his sleep and Haru still didn't mind.

 

Makoto once tried sleeping a bit further away from Haru, as he thought his budding feelings for his best friend made sleeping close to him inappropriate and just too much to handle. He had recognized the questioning frown on Haru's face as he pushed the futon, but he didn't say anything and didn't change his mind. He had gone to sleep, facing the wall and denying the pang in his chest. He had taken the right decision, he had to do this. Haru would always fall asleep faster than him, and it had been the case that night. Makoto had heard cloth moving behind him. He'd turned around, thinking Haru had woken up, only to find him still fast asleep, weakly pulling the corner of Makoto's futon. Makoto still remembered clearly how much he wanted to take that hand back then, to tell Haru that he wasn't going anywhere, that he would always be where Haru was. But he wanted to do the right thing, and didn't take it. He just looked at his best friend's smaller hand with adoration, unable to put out the small spark of hope in his heart.

Makoto bought the king size bed with dark blue and cream bed sheets.

 

Finally they just needed some kind of entertainment.

 

"Hmm... What do we usually do besides swimming?" Makoto mused.

 

Doing basically anything with Haru was a good time for Makoto. Jogging along the beach, walking around town or simply hanging out at his house were all things that he enjoyed doing but he couldn't choose that in Buy Mode. Watching movies and playing video games with everyone was also fun!

 

"Ahhh, it's too expensive for me!!" he moaned, desperately clicking on the red icons in the TV and computer sections.

 

He settled on a simple wooden bookshelf. Fills entertainment bar, adds cooking, mechanic and logic skills.

 

"Oh we can learn things with it too, that's good."

 

Makoto wanted to buy something special for Haru. He obviously didn't have enough money to build a pool or even a hot tub. A goldfish seemed like more of a present for him than for Haru. Buying him a cooking gadget or a better fridge would make it look like Haru is his housemaid or something, even if it suited Haru's interests. Adopting a cat made it necessary to buy tons of other stuff and they didn't have the money for it yet.

 

"I know!" Makoto exclaimed.

 

Soon enough, he bought Haru an easel. He tried to put it on the patio but there wasn't enough space, so he placed it in the living-room. Makoto has always admired how well Haru could draw. From his very first drawing as a toddler to the masterpieces he did in high-school, Makoto loved them all. The little mackerels he absentmindedly doodled in his notebooks' margins, the thousands of watercolors of their seashore he stubbornly painted throughout the years, every single advertising mascot he could find, every cat and insect and flower, those were the subjects that Haru liked to depict. The only two people that he ever saw Haru drawing were Makoto and himself. Sure, he once did a portrait of Makoto's family as gift for his mother and maybe he could find somewhere an old drawing of Haru with his parents, but that was just that one time.

 

"I just see you all the time, so when I want to draw a person you're the first to come to mind. That's all." Haru had said, when Makoto tried to make sense of all the sketches he saw Haru make of him. Of course there was nothing else behind that. Makoto had mentally slapped himself for getting his hopes up.

 

His heart still made somersaults whenever he found a new drawing of himself. Holding a cat, human nose against cat nose, crinkled eyes and the beginning of a laugh. A profile of him in his uniform, playing with his pencil, or listening to the teacher in deep concentration, or dozing off, or smiling at Haru. There were many of these, ever since elementary school. Giving a glove in winter or sharing a popsicle in summer. Giving all sorts of things at all sorts of times, really. Bundled in a large winter coat and thick woolen scarves or wearing only his jammers. Sometimes there were just faces and expressions or a sparkle in his eye or a freckle on his nose. Little details in little spaces between the larger sketches. Just thinking about the astronomical quantity of portraits Haru drew of him was overwhelming. It made Makoto want to cherish him with all he had.

Anyway, his Sims didn't have enough money to buy anything else, so that was it. Back to Live Mode.

 

The two Sims were standing awkwardly next to the white mailbox. Makoto made his Sim do the first move. He clicked on Haru.

 

"Let's see... Friendly, Mean... R-romantic..."

 

Makoto shook his head.

 

"Nope, we're best friends. We. Are. Best friends. That's all."

 

He clicked on Friendly. A lot of blue bubbles circled his Sim's head. What should he do first? Chatting seemed like a safe choice. He clicked on it and observed his Sim go to Haru to ramble on about various things, according to the chat bubbles above their heads. A cat, the color blue, a pool — of course — and a spaceship, for some reason. Little green plusses showed up above both of their heads.

The two Sims went back to standing awkwardly and doing nothing. Makoto sighed.

 

"Alright..."

 

**Chat, get to know, ask about day, get to know, enthuse about cats, enthuse about sports, enthuse about the new house, cheer up, get to know, get to know, chat.**

 

"Am I really like that ?" moaned Makoto.

 

It was weird to see Haru's Sim being so talkative, when the original one just hummed or answered in five words or less. Their friendship didn't really develop with words, when he thought about it. It grew with all the time they spent together, with the silences, the stares and the comfort and safety that went with them. It took form with giving, sharing and holding hands. With walking to school, sitting next to each other, eating together and going back home. With caring. About the stray cats, about the goldfish, about Ren and Ran, about the other.

That's not how it worked in this game though. So he kept clicking and clicking and clicking. Get to know, tell a story, admire, chat, chat, compliment, enthuse about sports, get to know, chat... He looked at the relationship jauge slowly fill in the upper-left corner of the screen, until a message popped up under it.

 

**"Haruka finds Makoto likeable."**

 

"I wonder what Haru thought of me, the first time he saw me?"

 

He probably didn't have words to say it yet. They were so little. What did a small, chubby, five-months-old Haruka think of an even smaller few days-old Makoto? What did Makoto think? What did they feel, back then? Did they know they would be best friends? Was Haru impatient for him to be born? Did he smile that day?

 

"I should ask our parents about it."

 

Makoto wanted to see the old photo albums, rewatch them growing together, closer together, through good and bad times. Knowing Haru since the very beginning sounded like a miracle. Some people spend their life looking for friends, lovers and soulmates. Sometimes they don't find them. Makoto just had to come into the world, open his eyes for the very first time, and there he was. He didn't know what he had done in a past life to deserve this, but he felt eternally grateful for it.

Makoto's Sim and Haru's became friends in a matter of in-game hours. Would it be the same, if he only met Haru then? He would probably be too intimidated by his quiet, graceful demeanor and by his beauty. He's not sure he would even dare talking to him. He would have been like those enamoured girls in his class who looked at the person they loved from afar, desperately trying to accidentally bump into them, believing in horoscopes and good-luck charms and hoping that the stars would finally align. Worse, he could have been like many others, and think that Haru was nothing special.

 

"No way."

 

He would never lack that much common sense, no matter in what dimension and circumstances he met Haru. He would always love him. He couldn't help it. He didn't want to it to be any other way. He would travel across dimensions to slap some sense into a Makoto that would not love Haru. And he wasn't a violent person to begin with.

 **Get to know, chat, chat, enthuse about cats — bathroom break — ask about day, tell a funny story, tell a secret** **( _"My favorite color is green!"_ ), admire, chat, get to know.**

Makoto and Haru's Sims became close friends.

They were always close, as far as he could remember. Sharing food, sleeping side by side, not needing to talk, not needing anyone else in their own little world, being together all the time to the point of almost becoming one entity. "Haru and Makoto", "Makoto and Haru". It was normal, obvious. Like gravity. Makoto would always return to Haru, Haru would always return to Makoto.

As he thought of what would happen to them after graduation, he hoped that the world wouldn't turn upside-down.

 

**Cheer up, chat, chat, get to know, tell a funny story, tell a story.**

 

Haru's Sim went to the kitchen to prepare a salad for both of them. They ate.

 

**Thank for the food, compliment culinary skills, get to know, get to know, tell a secret.**

 

**_"You're my best friend, Haruka!"_ **

 

Makoto chuckled. He hadn't said that in a long time, had he... It seemed innocent and maybe a bit tacky to say it after so many years. Not to mention that it would be stating the obvious. It wasn't a secret to anyone. Neither of them wanted it to be a secret, they never even thought about it. It was absurd. Makoto knew that so much love for Haru had accumulated over the years, that if he said "You're my best friend, Haru!", it would slip up into a love confession almost immediately. It would be an avalanche of repressed feelings. Small innocent harmless snowflakes falling in a pile. Then more and more accumulated, grouped up in fragile balance the smallest movement, the lightest pressure could make fall. Possibly destroy everything. You're my best friend, Haru. I love you, Haru. I love you so much, Haru. I love you so much more than best friends usually do, Haru. Sorry that I love you so much more than any best friend should, Haru. Sorry that I love you so much more than best friends do, I want to kiss you and touch you sometimes, I'm sorry I don't know why or how or when it just happened, Haru. I just do, Haru, it doesn't have to change anything, Haru, forget what I said, Haru. Or something like that. Good thing Haru already knew they were best friends then.

 

Both of the Sims were sleepy. Makoto clicked on Haru's, then on the bed. He did the same with his own Sim.

 

"Friends can sleep in the same bed in the game, right ?"

 

He had his answer a few seconds later, as he saw both of them sleeping soundly next to each other.

 

"Makoto! Dinner is ready!" His mother called.

"I'm coming!"

 

Save and quit. The window became blurry, and then vanished.

 

◊

 

Haru's Sim went to work at eight in the morning dressed as a llama with a cheerleader costume. Business as usual. Makoto didn't force him to socialize with his colleagues — he knew it was pretty unlikely he would do that — so he just introduced Haru to them and left it at that. Makoto had a bad feeling churning his stomach as he saw Haru's profile associated with being a pro athlete. Of course he did. Haru kept being distant and about to implode any time scouts were mentioned. For the first time ever, he made sure Makoto didn't know what was going on in his head. "Nothing." he would say. "Drop it." Makoto just wanted to look at him in the eyes, search and embrace and soothe his soul like he always did. But somehow, the burden was too heavy on Haru's mind to prevent his head from hanging, to make him look at the ground in front of him. To be perfectly honest, Makoto wished the others would drop the pro athlete thing too.

 

"Can't they leave him alone?"He thought.

 

When Makoto had introduced Haru to swimming, he didn't see him in front of the world with tons of gold medals around his neck. He just saw Haru in the element where he belonged, undisturbed, in his purest form. Even if Haru didn't show it, Makoto would sense the adrenaline going through Haru's veins. The shivers, the anticipation. He remembered the sight they saw at their relays. He knew Haru didn't hate competition in itself. Like his parents, Haru remained a free spirit. Like fishes, he wanted to swim, that's all. Not to be caught in a net and pinned on a wall. To swim free, as he always said.

What's free about being pro, though? Sure, Haru would swim as much as he wants, and even more. But Haru, the Haru who's adamant on eating mackerel as much as he can, who always did what he wanted when he wanted, would have no say in what he could eat or do in his free time. Blunt, no-nonsense Haru who never censored himself because he never cared what strangers would think of him, would have to watch his words in case the cameras the microphones were too close. Introverted, secretive Haru who basically had the same friends and surroundings his whole life, would have to smile to the cameras, speak to total strangers at all times, be the kind of person the PR wants him to be, attend events he would rather run away from, go to countries to just go to a pool, be exhausted by the jet-lag, tell the journalists what they want to hear, and be thrown in a plane to another place he didn't choose. How could any of this look like something Haru would be satisfied with? How could any of this be okay to impose on him?

A tear fell on Makoto's clenched fist. He opened his eyes. He didn't even remember closing them. He trembled, in an absurd mix of sobs and laughter.

 

"Ah great... Exactly what I needed."

 

As he tried to wipe his tears with the back of his hand, he could feel them drop and drop and drop again along his cheeks and mouth and neck. He bit his lip to cry silently. He didn't want his mother to ask what was going on, he didn't want her to worry about him when he wasn't the one in despair. He wished Haru's mother was there to ask Haru what was going on, when he cried alone in his room at night. For her to cradle him in her arms and whisper words of wisdom like parents do. For her to reassure that she's there for him.

Makoto gritted his teeth. Felt the last tears dry up his reddened puffy eyes as they fell on the desk.

No one was there for Haru. He was hurting, and no one cared. He was so infuriated it made him dizzy. He wanted to scream how much it made him mad. Mad that his amazing, sensitive best friend was seen as an emotionless vessel for someone else's pride and money. Mad that it was so clear they were leaving him no choice. Mad that people would have the nerve to pressure Haru and squeeze all his love for swimming out of him until they find him too old, too unfit, too lazy, too useless. Mad at so many things, so many people, mad at every single atom that composed the universe that upset Haru so much. Mad at the feeling of water against his skin, mad at the scent of chlorine, mad at the ticking of stopwatches, mad at the coach's whistle, mad at team uniforms and  timetables and deadlines and applications and ceremonies. Mad at every. Single. Thing.

Mostly at himself.

Right then, he would go back in time, ten years earlier, and tell Haru to forget all about it. Let's not go to the swimming club. Swimming in the ocean would be so much nicer, and Haru wouldn't be upset in the long run. Let's not swim together Haru, because it's meaningless when you're miserable.

Makoto breathed shakily. Again. Again. Until he calmed down and went back to his usual ideal son/classmate/captain/friend smile.

 

"Well, that wasn't a good idea!"

 

He saved and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

 

◊

 

What a sight.

Haru was brightly smiling and talking, even making eye contact and gestures. How huge and beautiful and clear blue was the pool! How amazing it felt! It felt like he could do anything, like he could just extend his arms and take flight! He remembered what it was like to feel free again. The sun shone, the birds soared through the sky at amazing heights, he could take over the world.

As if it would even happen in real life. Makoto sighed, looking at his Sims chatting with enthusiasm.

 

Meanwhile, Haru still looked by the window during class, uninterested, his college application form still had "Free" as an answer, he still ignored Makoto every time he tried to bring it up. Makoto still couldn't talk about his own future, and keeping something so big to himself made him feel like he was betraying Haru, even if it wasn't his fault. It was suffocating.

 

Haru's Sim still went to work in his llama mascot costume. He wasn't doing too badly, but he wasn't great at it. Makoto kept thinking about Haru, the real one of flesh and bones and unreadable feelings, being pro. Even if he didn't cry about it anymore, he still couldn't imagine it. Of course, if it turned out Haru truly wanted to be a pro swimmer, Makoto would let him. Of course, if that made him happy. He just couldn't see it now. Once in a while, Haru stayed longer at the pool, telling Makoto to go on without him because he needed to think. But Makoto wanted to float on the pool water too, intoxicated with the familiar chlorine and the presence of his best friend. He wanted to think with Haru too. Sharing thoughts and hopes and fears, like they always shared everything else. But Haru wanted to think by himself.

Little green plusses appeared above the heads of Haru and Makoto's Sims. Makoto didn't even need to make them interact anymore, they just did it on their own. Like the human beings they were based on, they set their own pace relatively quickly. If only Makoto could see little green plusses or little red minuses above Haru's head when they talked...

 

"That'd be easier..." Makoto sighed.

 

When they talked, there was nothing. Was their relationship jauge emptying or stagnating or — unlikely — filling? Makoto hoped it would just stagnate. He wanted to see green plusses and smiles and crinkled sparkly eyes, hear playful banter instead of bitter punchlines. The way things were now, in real life, he could only hope for stagnation because change seemed terrifying.

He was still a bit mad at himself. Why couldn't he help Haru? Haru didn't deserve a useless best friend like him, one who emptily awkwardly rambled on and apologized and whined. He couldn't just tell Haru to let the time do its work and sleep it off, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. If he began talking about going pro, he would cry. They would cry. But what could Haru do instead ? Haru was talented at so many things so he had alternatives, right? Makoto hummed.

  
He was a great artist, so what could he do with that? Work in advertising or in animation to draw mascots? Not sure people would like Haru's tastes, pretty sure Haru wouldn't like to change his tastes for others. Painter? It wasn't a stable job, was it? Makoto wouldn't like Haru to be worried about not being able to pay rent, or worse, to not be able to afford mackerel or going to the pool (Haru's priorities would probably follow that order).

Haru could cook really well, too. He liked to make pretty much anything, would spend hours doing a dish everyone would love and wasn't afraid of experimenting. Even if that meant baking him a mackerel-chocolate cake. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. Would Haru be satisfied with that? Would he be the kind to go on cooking shows and contests or would he prefer having his own little café on the beach? Both would work, probably. Maybe it's too much pressure. When Makoto watches cooking shows, they are always running everywhere and crying over dramatic music.

 

"I don't want him to cry over dramatic music!" He whined.

 

He wouldn't be able to hug him though the TV. Well, it would be broadcasted weeks after it happened anyway. He would be able to hug Haru, but only after a long delay. Would Haru cry under pressure? He shut down, that Makoto was sure of, because he witnessed it. Be anxious and skittish too. But cry? No. Makoto hoped that if Haru cried, he would feel safe and loved enough to cry in front of him, to not be afraid of letting Makoto care for him. He didn't know how Haru felt about it. Not knowing if Haru cried saddened him. Even a text asking him to “Please, come over”, and Makoto would run. He would take some leftovers of his mother's homemade food, a DVD and Sweetheart, and he would run to him immediately. He wanted to run to him right then. He wanted to hug him and care for him right at this moment.

What would make him cry though? The perspective of being pro? Losing control over his own destiny?

  
Makoto clicked on Haru's phone. Made him quit his job.

 

"Now what?"

 

Makoto felt a bit guilty about it. Doing that was also taking control over Haru's life, wasn't it? Even through a video game, Makoto felt overbearing, meddling in Haru's business, being a busy-body like he's always been. He was awful. He was no better that the people he criticized. 

This was too much.

Save and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

 

 

◊

 

 

Haru's Sim got hired for the basic-level culinary job through the newspaper. Maybe Makoto was as bad as the others — he was human, after all — but he was trying something different, another perspective. Other perspectives, even. Haru didn't have to compete if he didn't want to, he could work in a five-star restaurant in Tokyo or in a small café in Iwatobi, he didn't have to talk to journalists, he didn't have to change anything about himself. This wasn't pushy or manipulative or overbearing to offer something more laid-back for Haru to think about. Not that Haru would ever have to know about Makoto playing The Sims. This was okay. This was nothing to feel guilty about. Makoto breathed slowly and evenly.

Haru's Sim was good at this, he was a natural, after all. He learnt how to cook really fast. What he made was never worse than delicious. He was so passionate about cooking that he began learning about fishing, reading book after book without ever being tired of it. Maybe that was just because Haru loved fishes. He would never be stressed after work, and got promoted only a few days after he got hired.

 

Makoto? He took babysitting jobs, because that was the closest to teaching kids how to swim. That wasn't the point. He wasn't thinking about his own dreams, he didn't need to. Just thinking about the happiness and pride he got from helping coach Sasabe was making him more determined. He had a clear goal in front of him. What he wanted was making sure Haru would arrive to that point too. Otherwise he would always regret it.

 

Meanwhile, the real Haru was impossible to understand. After basically ignoring Makoto for days, he became clingier than usual, in his silent way. Makoto spent the night before at his house. They ate miso mackerel and a homemade chocolate mousse to die for. Makoto wanted to slap himself for not using this as a way to subtly talk about Haru's possibility of working as a chef. But the Haru in front of him looked less anxious than before, even close to being serene. So Makoto didn't say anything, he observed, waiting for the moment when Haru would talk. He didn't. They watched a movie, sitting next to each other on the floor, Haru's arm brushing his. They slept next to each other. Haru reached for Makoto in his sleep. He wanted to hold his hand. He didn't.

 

Makoto and Haru's Sims hugged. Platonically. Because it had to stay that way. As curious as Makoto was, it had to stay that way. What if Haru found out about this? Haru didn't even know that he liked guys. He knew Haru wouldn't hate him. It would never happen for such a reason, but it'd be different. Maybe he'd be more distant. Making sure their arms don't brush when they walk next to each other along the beach, not accepting gloves and earphones and popsicles, not sharing anymore. Not sleeping together at Haru's house, because they would be alone. No more saying "good morning Haru-chan—" and taking his hand to get him out of the bath. No more taking his hand or saying silly things like "It's meaningless without you" or "I appreciate you being here for me". Sure, they would talk, sit next to each other in class, eat together, study together. Sure, they would stay friends. But they wouldn't be Haru and Makoto anymore and that was an abyss Makoto didn't want to gaze in, nevermind fall into. Makoto and Haru's Sims hugged without a care in the world. There was no abyss to be seen.

Makoto could feel the beginning of a butterfly stirring his stomach as he watched them. It would be so simple to just click on "Romantic..." and then on whatever was behind that word. No one would have to know. It wasn't even something shameful to begin with. He could even create a separate file. Two separate dimensions. One when Makoto makes a move, one when he doesn't. He could even delete it! Nothing to feel bad about.

 

Save. The window blurred.

Came back to normal.

 

"Alright..." He whispered shakily.

 

He clicked on Haru's Sim, then on "Romantic..."

 

"Huh?" Makoto gasped.

 

**Ask for zodiac sign, compliment appearance, compliment personality, hold hands, look at the stars, gaze into eyes...**

 

"We already do that."

 

Haru's sign was cancer and there were a lot of good things to say about him. He was beautiful, talented, incredibly kind and generous, sensitive, smart, serious but not too much, unique and irreplaceable. They hold hands, or at least they used to. At some point they must have thought that it wasn't worth being a source of gossip and laughs. Look at the stars? In a small town like Iwatobi when they could always see them very well, that was one of their favorite pastimes. They would always stop at the beach, in the middle of their jog session, and observe in silence for a while. They never decided on it, no one suggested it. Like many things they did, it just happened, and sticked.

Gaze into eyes... Well no need to talk about how guilty he was of that. He adored every blink and expression of Haru's face. He was often startled while looking into Haru's eyes, because it sucked his soul in like a black hole. Nothing else existed when he looked at him. Sometimes, Haru would look back at him and he learned to accept that his sole reaction was a blush and a stupid smile. He couldn't even bring himself to pretend he wasn't looking. Haru would have known no matter what. He didn't seem to care.

 

At least Makoto didn't feel guilty about clicking those. He began with **"Ask for zodiac sign"**.

 

_**"Haruka is Cancer. Makoto and Haru's signs are compatible!"** _

 

"You bet they are." Makoto giggled.

 

It began with the adults around them. Haru's parents, his parents, Haru's grandmother. Saying that their deep bond was written in the stars. Makoto thought it was magical. Like they were chosen. It was destiny. Then he overheard the girls, back in middle school, talking about crushes and zodiac compatibility. Scorpio and cancer worked well together, none of the signs were more compatible with them than each other. He didn't look further than that, still he was quite proud about the fact that they were supposed to be perfect for each other.

 

**Compliment appearance.**

Makoto blushed. He knew he did that a few times, but never to actually flirt with Haru. That simple idea made his heart race and rendered him unable to function. When he thought about some things he said...! He still couldn't believe he actually told Haru he had the best body among the swimmers of their team! Who would say that? Makoto was glad that they were in an onsen that day, so that he could pretend his blush was due to the temperature of the water.

 Makoto's Sim approached Haru's in a shy yet seductive manner and said something. Haru's Sim giggled and seemed to be really pleased, as seen by the green plusses. **"Haruka thinks Makoto is being flirty."** Makoto laughed. Would Haru even react that way to a compliment?

 

"That'd be adorable!"

 

He lowered the sound of his computer, didn't say anything. Silence. No one who could hear him. A blush crept up his neck. He lowered his head.

 

"I-I've always found your eyes so beautiful, Haru!" He whispered.

 

Now, how would Haru react to that? Not with a giggle, Makoto was sure of it. So what? ‘What's the matter with you?’ said with a light blush on his cheeks, maybe. Or ‘Really?’ with a tone slightly more surprised than his normal voice. Or he would lower his head and say ‘Ok, thank you.’, or even just hum. Something like that. Still definitely adorable.

 

**Compliment personality.**

 

"You're so generous and kind, Haru!" Makoto whispered again.

 

Green plusses lit up. Haru's Sim got closer to Makoto's as they were gazing in each other's eyes with a coy smile and hands hidden behind their backs. Makoto smiled at that. Obviously they weren't so caricatural in real life, but the gazing and having no personal space around each other part were definitely there. Even in a platonic way. Makoto's chest lightened at the fact that Haru was offering so much trust and kindness to him as his best friend.

 

**Gaze into eyes.**

They did that a lot, actually. In more ways that this game could ever convey. From a simple glance to entire silent conversations through stares, they probably said more things with their eyes than their mouth. From "There's no mackerel in this bento..." to "Haru, I think I'm scared of water", they could see the other's thoughts with clarity. Powerfully feel them, as if they were one entity. That was why Haru was so obviously avoiding eye contact with Makoto, he was afraid of what Makoto would find within them. He was the same, to a lesser degree, when he realized he loved Haru. Every blink and sparkle and pupil dilatation and every thing that has no words to describe them could give him away. Somehow, Haru either didn't know about that part of Makoto's soul, or he decided to pretend it wasn't there. Makoto didn't know how to feel about either of those.

The face of Makoto's Sim came close to Haru's as they made eyes at each other. Green plusses lit up again.

 

**Hold hands.**

Makoto blushed at that. That was stupid. They already did that, it was nothing new. Doing it in a romantic context made it a bit embarrassing, maybe. He always kept the romantic thoughts to himself as he held Haru's hand. How much he wanted to kiss every fingertip, and his palms, and the back of his hands. Those delicate, smaller, talented hands. Agile and graceful yet so secure and unhesitant. He had never seen Haru file his fingernails, so he probably didn't do it, yet they were oval, short and neat.

 

"I really stare at his hands too much, do I..."

 

Over the years he had time to make out the details. The little beauty mark on Haru's left ring finger. The slight scar on the back of his right hand, near the thumb, was it that stray cat, back in elementary school. He wasn't getting tired of looking at his hands, and even less bored of holding them. Makoto wanted to hold them more. Hold hands while they dance, hold hands while they sleep, playing with his fingers as they hang out in the peacefulness of Haru's house, hold hands when they're cold, hold hands even when they're warm and clammy, hold hands when they're sad and lost, to find themselves in the warmth, to find an anchor in the other's strength.

The two Sims held hands playfully, swaying from left to right and quietly laughing in the emptiness of the small house's living room. That was how love and home felt like, he guessed. No room is empty or dark when the other is there. They provide more than enough light, happiness and warmth to fill rooms and hearths and hearts. Green plusses seemed pretty tacky and minimalist to express that.

 

**Look at the stars.**

Makoto and Haru's Sims went outside together, walking too far apart to be an accurate representation of Makoto and Haru's relationship. They sat on the grass in the front yard, leaning back on their hands. They talked animatedly. Makoto chuckled. That wasn't really how it happened in real life.

It happened on the beach of course. They would just stop while walking or jogging, Haru would say "The stars" with quiet wonder. They would lose themselves in the beautiful immensity of the night sky of Iwatobi. No city seemed too small when the sky stretched so far above them. Haru would say "Makoto, come with me?" with the intonation only shyly implying that it was a question. They would sit on the rocks or on white sand turned lavender by the night, looking at the stars dancing on purples and black waves. The wind and the waves and their quiet breaths the only soundtrack they needed. Losing sense of time and space as the sky and the sea merged together, gigantic, impressive, scarily beautiful. Feeling Haru's concerned stare on the side of his face as he shivered. Makoto staring back, with a slight tilt of his head and a smile bordering on a silent laugh. A muted "I'm okay. As impressive and scary as it is, I want to share this sight with you. You're making it okay to stay."

Real life is so much better than pixels and green plusses. Even as the two Sims got closer and held hands and they looked at the stars. It couldn't contain all the subtle ways Haru and Makoto cared about each other. He found himself not wishing his life was more like this game for once.

 

_**"Haru finds Makoto very alluring."** _

 

Makoto laughed, his hand hiding his face.

 

"Thanks, Haru!"

 

He laughed some more until it died down, leaving a smile on his lips.

Save and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

 

 

◊

 

 

"Oh, I didn't notice all those options last time." Makoto said with a hint of curiosity as he went through the different romantic interactions his Sim could have with Haru's.

Maybe "flirty" and "very alluring" were different levels that allowed for more interactions, then? That made sense. 

 

"Let's see..."

 

 **Flirt, pick-up line, amorous hug, romantic hug** — what was the difference ? No idea — **flirtatious joke, give a massage...**

 

Makoto stopped reading, his thoughts becoming static. Except for the massage, and that was because they're both athletes, those were definitely unknown territory. Maybe the hugs were feasible in real life, but the flirting part felt definitely awkward and not really appropriate.

 

**Ask about day, chat, chat, enthuse about cats, congratulate for the promotion.**

_**"Haru finds Makoto sociable."** _

 

He sighed in relief. That was certainly ridiculous, but even in a video game, he needed to take his time. His heart wouldn't take it otherwise. Didn't mean that his curiosity was not killing him.

Seeing Haru's Sim truly content, talking to Makoto, going to work, reading, learning and playing, having small wishes — going to the pool — and bigger ones — reaching level 7 in cooking — made Makoto a bit more emotional than he thought he should be. He missed carefree, relaxed Haru, doing what he liked to do and not thinking further than that.

 

In real life, he recognized Haru's behavior too well. Haru probably learned it from him. Faking that everything was okay, to the point of smiling and participating in small talk. Makoto even recognized his own tilt of the head as Haru did it to thank a classmate who wished him good luck on regionals. Haru didn't have to hide that way, he wasn't a burden on everyone like Makoto sometimes was, he didn't have to pretend that he was okay. Why wasn't he opening up to him? Even as Makoto invited him at his house, he kept that façade of pleasant sereneness. Makoto kept his own to keep himself from crying. Both wearing masks so they wouldn't hurt the other. It still did, in the end. It felt like falling in an abyss of apathy. They cared so much for each other that they'd rather not feel anything than make the other worry. In that way, they could say they were in too deep. As the pressure and cold suffocated them and numbed them like the merciless ocean, they were swallowed deep into a habit of ignoring feelings, hoping they would dissolve in the water.

How could he take his hand again, pull him and take him away from that heavy murky darkness he was drowning in?

 

Makoto looked through his window, towards Haru's house. The curtains were closed. He wanted to go there, bring in some light, or at least share the darkness so it's a bit less scary.

 

Save and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

 

 

◊

 

 

Makoto didn't have to flirt with Haru. Ever. That was perfectly avoidable. Especially in a video game where he could perfectly control what was going on. He just had that itch to try going a bit further.

He saved and made a third file. Just in case.

 

**Compliment appearance, compliment personality, gaze into eyes, hold hands.**

_**"Haru thinks Makoto is very alluring."** _

 

Alright, then Makoto just had to—

 

**Gets complimented on appearance.**

 

"Huh?"

 

Haru's Sim approached Makoto's timidly, making him giggle like he did to Haru a few seconds earlier. Green plusses. Makoto stared at the screen, dumbfounded. He knew Sims could act on their own, of course he did, but Haru's Sim flirting with his? He really didn't expect it.

 

Makoto didn't mean by that that Haru never did or said anything good about him, but he was more about actions than words. And it stayed platonic, obviously. Offering him goldfishes, baking him cakes, letting him come to his house when his own was too noisy, those were all kinds of things he did. Now that he thought about it, Haru commented on his muscles several times. It sounded more like facts than anything else — "Makoto builds muscle easily" for example — but he had sensed a hint of pride in his voice, for some reason. This was probably the closest it got to flirting, but it didn't feel really special or intimate. Makoto felt dizzier with excitement when Haru stared at him. That wasn't really flirting either, when it came to them. It was normal, their own way of dealing with feelings and daily life.

So no, he couldn't really picture Haru flirting with him. That made him even more curious, as he watched both of the Sims spontaneously compliment each other and hold hands.

 

**Give a massage.**

 

Makoto's Sim asked Haru's to turn around. He massaged his shoulder for a short while until Haru turned back around to thank him. Green plusses.

 

Once again, that was pretty far from reality. Reality was better. In a very frustrating way. Last time, when Makoto's back hurt, Haru had made him lay down shirtless on his stomach on a bath towel on Haru's bed. 

 

He heard the cap of a bottle open, so he turned his head.

 

"It's a massage oil for athletes. It warms up and helps against muscle aches. Bought it at the sports store last time we went." Haru stated, matter-of-factly as ever.

“Alright." Makoto replied, intrigued.

 

Makoto thought he would die the second Haru's hands touched his skin. He hissed at the cold fingertips before melting in the firm softness of Haru's touches. He hummed in contentment, closing his eyes. Opening one again to look at Haru's focused expression. He felt his glance immediately, obviously, and made eye contact. Haru smiled through his eyes, like he often did.

 

"Relax, and tell me if I'm doing something wrong." Haru said in a voice that didn't know if it were normal speech or a whisper.

"Okay..." Makoto replied in a weak tone that made him realize it was already making him sleepy.

 

It wasn't surprising to Makoto that his drowsiness made him compare Haru's mouvements to the waves of the sea of Iwatobi. Familiar, regular, with a firmness and confidence that's unexpected of its calm appearance. A caress, a little push, dancing currents of freshness and warmth that invigorated him as much as they lulled him to a peaceful slumber.

Haru pushed a little harder. Makoto groaned from the slight pain as Haru removed a knot in his back, then let a small moan escape from his lips. He hid his face in the pillow as soon as he realized the kind of sound he made. His face felt way hotter than his back did, special massage oil or not. He felt a familiar cold hand on his shoulder.

 

"Are you okay ?" Haru asked softly. He was sitting on the floor next to the bed and his face was way too close from Makoto's.

 

Makoto nodded against the pillow. He was definitely blushing. It was so awkward! He shivered as he felt a hand through his hair.

 

"Makoto?"

 

"Yes I'm okay." Looking at Haru from the corner of his eye, he noticed the concerned expression on his face. Ah. He was afraid he had hurt him. A pang of guilt hit him in the chest. He had to tell a bit of the truth at least. "The problem is that it... it felt too good?" Makoto attempted with a laugh. "Thanks Haru. For doing this, and for worrying."

 

Haru turned his head to the side like he usually did when he was embarrassed. Makoto smiled at that, most of his face still hidden in the pillow.

 

"That sounds like the opposite of a problem." He grumbled.

"You're right." Makoto laughed. "Sorry, Haru."

 

Haru hummed and went back behind Makoto.

 

"Do you still want me to do this ?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes, please!"

 

He felt Haru's hands less and less on his skin as the calm waves carried him away...

 

 

Makoto sighed. That memory just made the aches in his back even more obvious. He rolled his shoulders to be less tense and relieve the pain, in vain.

 

"I shouldn't stay at the computer so much..."

 

He wondered if he could ask Haru for a massage. Maybe Haru was the one who needed it the most at that moment, though. He must have been tense, with all those worries and pressures on him. Makoto wasn't as precise and delicate as Haru, probably, he was quite clumsy and had "idiotic strength" like Haru often said. He still massaged Haru now and then. Sometimes, relieving his physical pain made him talk a bit about what was on his mind.

 

Like that one time, a few days into June. Haru really seemed out of it, annoyed at something no one else could see. When Makoto asked, he'd say "It's nothing serious." but Haru was getting more and more restless as the days passed. Makoto had no idea how to make it better, as long as Haru wasn't giving him a hint.

Swimming training had come to an end that afternoon. Nagisa and Rei had quickly showered and changed and left with Kou to work on a group project they had to give back the next day. Makoto and Haru were alone in the showers, in a silence that felt heavy. Which was weird, considering that they spent a lot of quiet time together. Haru was staring at the wall as the hot water fell on him. His eyes seemed empty. The water stopped running. Haru didn't move to push the button to make it run again. He was just staying there in complete apathy. Something was clearly off with him.

 

"Haru?" Makoto said. He couldn't just ask what was wrong, because no matter the circumstances, it didn't seem to work. He had to be roundabout with it. If he could made him feel a bit less tense, that'd be a good start, right? "Can I wash your hair?"

 

Haru raised an eyebrow, more in perplexity than suspicion.

 

"I can do it myself."

"Obviously." Makoto laughed. "I'd like to do it for you, though? Is it okay, Haru?"

"I guess." Haru replied, turning his head towards the shower wall again. He pushed the button, and the water ran again.

 

Makoto took Haru's shampoo bottle and took some in the palm of his hand. He walked behind Haru and smeared the shampoo on top of his head. He washed Haru's hair and massaged his scalp in circles, trying to remember how the hairdresser did it. Haru's shampoo didn't really smell like anything, as Haru found perfumes distracting and preferred smelling like chlorine anyway. The shampoo's white foam contrasted with Haru's shiny black hair. Makoto noticed, as it was washed away along his best friend's body, that Haru's shoulders were hunched and especially tense. Haru was shivering and Makoto couldn't see his eyes. As he took a step on the side as an attempt to take a better look at his face, he used the shampoo's foam to massage Haru's neck and shoulders.

 

"My..." Haru began, his eyes still hidden from Makoto.

 

Makoto stayed silent to let Haru find his words, alternatively rinsing his hair and massaging his shoulders. When Haru still didn't say a word, he tried a questioning hum, worried that it would make Haru say "it's nothing" or any variation thereof.

 

"My parents are not visiting me for my birthday. Last minute business trip."

 

The water stopped running. Makoto stilled. Again? It wasn't the first time it happened. That's precisely the reason why he didn't reply to Haru. They both knew this, so no need to mention it and hurt Haru even further. Haru pushed the button to make the water run again.

 

"In seventeen birthdays, they were there for nine of them."

"I'm sorry Haru—"

"Do you think my parents love me?"

 

Haru, the strong, nonchalant Haru, never felt this weak and small and vulnerable to Makoto. He barely uttered the last syllable, "me". Haru thinking he wasn't loved broke Makoto's heart. But this wasn't about him. The water stopped running. Haru pressed the button and it ran again. Makoto's hands began to caress Haru's arms.

 

"Of course they do, Haru. People show love differently, I guess." He said in his softest voice not to hurt Haru.

"Your parents are always there for you, Ran and Ren."

 

Makoto didn't hear any anger in that sentence, just sadness. Not "I deserve them more than you do" — he would never want to take that love away from Makoto and his siblings — rather "don't I deserve that kind of love too?".

 

"You are always welcome with us, you know? They're always happy to see you."

 

Haru hummed weakly and nodded, still facing the wall, his shoulders moving in hiccups and quiet sobs as Makoto continued caressing them.

 

"Haru, do you want to stay for the night?"

"Yeah." The boy whispered.

 

The water stopped running. Makoto waited. Haru didn't press the button, just shook the water out of his hair like he always did. Muttering the smallest "sorry" for getting droplets of water on him. Makoto went to take Haru's fluffy blue towel with polka dots on it, and began to dry his hair. Haru leaned in his touch, raising his head to look back at Makoto with a teary smile.

 

Haru had always wanted to protect Makoto, as he was younger and a scaredy cat, but at that moment, Makoto had never wanted anything more than protect Haru. Holding him in his arms and reminding him that he would always be there.

 

 

"Maybe that's what Haru needs..." Makoto mused.

 

Maybe that would make him open up. To know that even at his worst, Makoto would always be there to take care of him. Of course he would. He loved nothing more than knowing Haru was happy. Maybe Haru, in his distress, had forgotten about that. In the midst of people who only saw him for his swimming, there were people who also liked him for other things too. Maybe he needed to be reminded of that.

Massages are emotionally heavy for them, huh... A weird jumble of green plus and red minus and neutral... blue things? That was complicated, but Makoto was glad it was that way. Knowing they could be there for each other even when life wasn't all green plusses, it was more than he could ever ask for.

 

**Amorous hug.**

Makoto's Sim embraced Haru's gently, but still really close to him, his hands on Haru's waist. Makoto blushed at that. He really shouldn't think about Haru's waist, or he felt like the wind would be knocked out of him. Slightly curvy but made of firm muscles built by hundreds of hours of swimming, it's like they were calling him, telling him to put his hands there. Makoto admitted that it was getting harder to resist, no matter if Haru was only in jammers during training, or just in casual wear, his shirt showing a bit of skin as he reached for the higher shelves in his kitchen. Makoto wanted to touch that scorching soft skin, feel Haru shiver under him, making him melt and weak like Haru did so easily to Makoto just by existing.

 

"Don't let your thoughts wander, Makoto..." He groaned, his hands hiding his face.

 

Meanwhile, the hands of Haru's Sim began to cradle Makoto's face as they got even closer. Makoto was pretty sure he would have a heart attack if Haru only did half of that. All his nerves endings would focus on the points where Haru touched. Haru would have the whole of Makoto's soul at his fingertips. That idea seemed terrifying and exciting at the same time. He touched Haru's face several times, to remove a grain of rice for example. He didn't remember lingering. Lingering seemed too dangerous, a slippery slope. So he would just just remove that grain of rice, and smile at Haru's pouty face.

 

**Romantic hug.**

That one looked more like the friendly hugs the two Sims did before. Nothing really special in itself. It just seemed a bit weird because, as close as Haru and Makoto were, they almost never hugged. They would stand side by side, sometimes putting a hand on the other's shoulder, nothing more. It always seemed kind of superfluous. They hugged with their glances and their sharing and general care for the other. Didn't mean that Makoto wasn't curious about what physical contact would change about their relationship. Would Haru even like it? He didn't seem particularly fond of being touched, judging by the way he reacted to Rin or Kisumi invading his personal space. As for Nagisa, that wasn't that he liked it, more that he just accepted that Nagisa was Nagisa, and refusing a hug from Nagisa would be like kicking a puppy. No one wanted to see that.

 

What about Makoto then? Haru didn't really seem to have problem in all the other ways Makoto invaded his personal space, from getting him out of the bath to sharing clothes. Was Makoto different in Haru's eyes? As much as he wanted to find out, that was terrifying. Just hugging, something that seems barely more familiar than a handshake to people like Nagisa, seemed like jumping from an airplane to Makoto. Jumping from an airplane with no way of knowing if you have a parachute or not, and figuring it out on the way down. Whether death results from it or not, it's a life-changing experience.

 

**Flirting.**

Makoto had no idea how to flirt. He had a vague idea from watching dramas on TV and overhearing boys from his class, but he never had an interest in that. At first, he thought he was simply too young. Then, he was just a late bloomer. Only in his head though, considering he was even taller than some of his upperclassmen. Eventually, he ran out of excuses. He had no interest in that sort of thing, and no interest in girls. Sure, they looked cute and nice and there were all kinds of girls, athletes, artists, scientists and many more. Why wasn't there anyone who even picked his interest more than in a strictly platonic way? It didn't take a long time to connect the dots and realize the deep bond he shared with Haru was what others called love. He loved Haru. Did he love guys, then? Was he gay? He denied that fact for quite a time, thinking that he was just attracted to Haru, that Haru was too amazing for Makoto's heterosexuality to exclude him. That Haru's was the exception in Makoto's normality. He stayed in that state of denial for longer than he should have, deliberately pushing aside the way he tended to notice guys physical appearance more, ignoring when his heart raced. Not when girls were giving him Valentine's chocolates while striking a pose that everyone else deemed sexy, Makoto feeling quite pitiful that they'd spend so much of their time and energy on a guy like him who didn't deserve them. He would share those chocolates with Haru, with the excuse that he just had too much and would probably get stomach ache if he ate all of them, but throwing them away was just rude. Secretly, that was as close to offering Valentine's chocolates to Haru as he could do without attracting anyone's attention, Haru's included. At some point, when they started doing joint training with Samezuka, he found himself kind of wishing he was studying there because there were so many attractive guys.

He'd decided to drop the act. He wasn't straight with an exception anymore. He was just a gay guy desperately in love with his best friend. He realized that with pain stirring his guts, and a smile on his face. How could something be so painful and relieving at the same time ? He had no idea, but that was how it felt.

What would he say to his parents? Would he ever tell them? Knowing that he could disappoint parents as wonderful as his filled him with fear and self-hatred. What kind of big brother would he be? What if Ren and Ran get bullied because of him? Making people suffer knowing that it was his own fault was unbearable.

Over the time, he learned to calm down about it. As long as he didn't say anything, it was fine. It was stressful for him, but it was fine. Makoto wasn't the type to force himself to like women, as he thought that it would hurt someone's feelings anyway. He just tried to deny anything romantic or sexual he could ever feel. His favorite sentence became "I'm not really interested in that".

 

Somehow, his parents realized it. They sat him down on the couch and asked him if he was in love with Haru. Apparently, what he thought would help him hide his homosexuality made it more obvious. Saying "I'm not interested" every time someone mentioned doing anything more than talking to a woman was a pretty bad way of pretending he wasn't gay. Makoto groaned at how obvious that was, how stupid he was. He told them, his stare trying to pierce the floor, that yes, he was in love with Haru. He was so sorry. He didn't want to disappoint them, he wouldn't act on his homosexuality, in exchange he just wanted for their parents to not force him to be with a woman. He was still looking at the floor. He knew that the second he would see disapproval on his parents’ face, he would cry.

 

"Makoto. It's okay, you know?" He remembered his mother’s soft voice.

 

Makoto had raised his head. His parents didn't look as sad as he thought they would. A bit sad still, but they had a smile on their faces. His mother put a hand on his shoulder.

 

"Haru is really a nice, adorable, capable boy, so I can't blame you for loving him. I just don't want you to take decisions that would make you unhappy in the long run, or that you would regret. You understand, Makoto?"

 

Makoto nodded. He was relieved at least that his parents weren't completely rejecting him. In fact, he was disappointed in himself for not trusting them enough.

 

"We want you to be careful about this Makoto, people can be mean-spirited out there to people like this... like you. We trust you not to be reckless about this, alright? Just know that we love you, and hope that you'll find a place in the world where you'll be happy."

 

As Makoto listened to his mother, tears started falling, without him realizing. His parents knew, and they just wanted him to be happy. They didn't think it was too weird that he loved Haru. His mother kissed his forehead and gave him a tissue.

 

"Refresh your face a bit, we'll have dinner soon."

"Okay. Thank you, mom, dad."

 

They didn't mention it since then. They didn't mention girls either. There was this empty space in their relationship that didn't feel really comfortable. At least, he wasn't a painful burnt wasteland. Just an empty space that they would furnish later.

 

 

What if Haru was gay though? He didn't seem any more interested in girls than Makoto ever did. Makoto had trouble imagining Haru attracted to anyone. Maybe the closest thing he had to that was his relationship with Rin, but that was just linked to swimming, wasn't it? If Makoto was being completely honest with himself, he'd rather not imagine Haru attracted to Rin. It wasn't possessiveness or anything, it just felt wrong. Like trying to fit together pieces from different puzzles. Of course, if you pushed and forced or cut up the pieces, they would fit, but they wouldn't be themselves. That sounded like a whole lot of sacrifice, and not really worthwhile. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but Makoto thought Haru and him fit. They never fought, never clashed, they just coexisted harmoniously. But maybe Haru wasn't attracted to him. Makoto couldn't picture it. Haru gazing at Makoto, memorizing every detail of his face and general anatomy, losing himself in his eyes, finding himself wanting to touch Makoto, to always be closer. Staying awake at night to relive glances and voices and touches and smells as to never forget them. Taking a bath in a morning and staying just long enough to have Makoto take him out of it. Having trouble thinking straight and having a normal heart rate at the simple thought of meeting again.

Makoto couldn't picture it.

 

**First kiss.**

Now that was something he could picture — he had done so already, many times. As Haru pouted when Makoto told him to put on a scarf when it's cold outside, as Haru bit his lip while doing his homework, as Haru licked his lips while tasting the sauce for his mackerel... As Haru did pretty much anything and Makoto was too absorbed by his mouth to think about anything else. His small mouth, with full, slightly rosy lips. What would they feel like against his own, what would they taste like? If Makoto was poetic, he'd say it'd be like home, and happiness and warmth. If he was pragmatic he'd say it'd taste like grilled mackerel, chlorine, Haru's lip balm and Haru, and still it was pretty close to the poetic definition he thought of.

He never understood the so-called romantic movies where people would shove the other against the wall and furiously make-out like they wanted to rip the other's tongue off — Makoto cringed at the gory thought. With Haru, it'd be laid-back and soft and slow, like everything they did together, like walking along the beach, like letting themselves float on the water, deliciously warmed by the summer's sun. It'd be warm, warm from the tip of his tongue to the tips of his toes, like drinking a bowl of soup in the midst of winter and feeling the warmth radiate from his stomach. The softness, well Makoto had yet to find something to compare it to, it was too out of this world to have words to describe it yet. It'd be a bit wet too, probably, which made Makoto laugh because that simple idea would make Haru's eyes sparkle.

 

How would it happen? Makoto had no idea who would initiate it. He'd say probably him, since Haru doesn't initiate physical contact in general, but since Makoto was mortified at the idea of having his face close to Haru, they would both probably die before Makoto did anything. What he knew was, it would probably happen near a pool, or the sea, or another body of water. Water, for Makoto, was both source of exhilaration and fear. So was the idea of kissing Haru. It matched. Haru would look beautiful as always, with water dripping from his hair and nose and chin, his body glistening in the sun, shivering either from cold or anticipation. Makoto would take his hand and then... Fade to black. Fireworks. History.

 

Makoto didn't click on first kiss. If reality ever happened the way he thought, it would be way better than what this video game ever had to offer to him.

Save and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

 

 

◊

 

 

Makoto clicked on first kiss.

His Sim went to Haru's tentatively, his hands behind his back, his head lowered — how weird was the lack of height difference in that game — and then they kissed. It happened for a second or two, not more. Pink hearts appeared above them.

Well, Makoto didn't have the butterflies he thought he could have by virtually kissing Haru. That was pretty disappointing. He sighed. He has so many other things to think about at that point. Things were slowly getting better, maybe, but for that they had to get considerably worse first.

 

Haru had stopped swimming in the middle of the pool, at regionals. Slowed down, and down, and down until he stopped, and stood up. He raised his head and looked at the ceiling, he looked completely lost. Makoto almost screamed at how much his heart was breaking for Haru at that moment, he wanted to scream until he could vomit his own soul. Because what he was seeing was too familiar. He hoped this wasn't it. He prayed this wasn't it.

 

"Haru... Are you scared of water?"

 

Makoto himself had stopped swimming in a middle of a lap because he was scared. What was Haru seeing in the water then? What had frightened him so much there that he stopped trusting it, accepting it? He wanted to run towards Haru, jump into the water and get him of there. Out of the pool, out of the stadium, out of whatever made him feel that way. But he just wouldn't move. He couldn't stop staring at Haru, and trying to decipher what was going on.

 

A whistle blew.

 

"That's just not serious." "What was that kid thinking ?" "I heard some scouts were interested in him" "Well there's no way they're interested in him now!" "What a waste." "What a joke."

 

Makoto could feel his breath become erratic and his vision blur. Why did anyone care about that? Why was no one helping Haru when he was in pain?

Haru went to the border of the pool, looked around. Paused. Went out of the pool on his own.

Why couldn't Makoto help Haru when he was in pain?

When Haru was out of sight, Nagisa, Rei and Makoto walked towards the locker room to see him. Comfort him. Judging by what they could hear from the corridor, that wasn't what someone else had in mind.

 

"That's your future you're wasting away!"

 

Rin. Makoto rolled his eyes. Definitely what Haru needed. To be yelled at. Rin should understand by now that he's not able to read Haru, so he should back off. Yelling at Haru, at a time like this? This was stupid, and Makoto couldn't be more upset if he tried. They heard a loud, metallic, "BANG" from the room.

 

"My future? My dream? That's the kind of things you care about! I don't have that!"

 

That voice...? Haru? Was Haru screaming? Makoto ran towards the opened door.

The room was dark. Haru's face was distorted by how angry he looked. His eyes wide opened, his jaw clenched, baring his teeth as if he were about to bite Rin's head off. Judging from Rin's stance, even he didn't see that coming. Haru was the one who had hit the metal locker behind him. He was breathing heavily, but not trying to calm down a bit. It had to stop.

 

"Haru?" Makoto whispered.

 

Haru turned his face towards him at the sound. He looked at him straight in the eyes, like he was about to apologize, or cry, or like Haru was just a scared small animal who didn't know Makoto's intentions. What scared him so much that he couldn't trust the water or Makoto? He tried a soft smile to reassure him. Haru walked towards them, regaining his usual composure at every step he took.

 

"Don't worry, I'm participating in the relay tomorrow. That's what I'm here for."

 

And he walked away.

 

 _"Who cares about the relay, Haru? Tell me what's going on!"_ , that's what Makoto wanted to ask. He figured a layer of babying Haru on top of someone else screaming at him wouldn't do any good. He didn't say anything, and let Haru walk away. They would talk about this later.

 

No one mentioned it on the way to the restaurant.

No one mentioned it while they ate.

No one mentioned it on the way to the hotel.

 

Makoto and Haru ended up alone in their hotel room. The atmosphere was heavy, Makoto was nervously fiddling with whatever was in his bag. Haru went in the bath as soon as they entered the room. Makoto shouldn't be surprised, Haru was Haru after all, but he couldn't help thinking he was doing that to avoid him. They couldn't go on like this. He didn't want to leave Haru like this. He knocked on the bathroom door.

 

"Haru? Can I come in?" Makoto asked with a soft tone.

 

Haru didn't answer. Even weirder, Makoto didn't hear any movement in the water at all. What was going on? Makoto opened the door with a slow, cautious movement so he wouldn't scare Haru.

Haru was sitting in the bathtub. He was holding his legs and was hiding his face on his knees. He seemed extremely tense as he did so, like he wanted to make himself as small as he could. This sight was already sad as it was, but something else was definitely off. Makoto couldn't pinpoint what it was. He looked around the bathroom. He connected the dots, looked back at the tub. His eyes widened.

The bathtub was completely empty, and Haru was dry.

 

"Haru...?" Makoto sat next to him. "Talk to me, please?"

 

Haru shook his head, still staying in the same position. Makoto reached for him, setting his opened hand, palm up, on the border of the bathtub. He hope that Haru would take it, or look at it. He didn't move.

 

"Look at me, Haru. I won't say anything. I just want to listen to you. I just want to help, okay?"

"You can't help me, Makoto. Leave me alone." Haru said, his voice muffled.

 

Makoto didn't say anything, he stayed next to Haru, looking at him, hoping something would happen. A glance, a movement, a word, anything. At this point, he would take anything. Haru moved, pushed Makoto's hand away.

 

"Why aren't you leaving?"

"I can't leave you Haru. Not like this." Makoto put his hand on the border of the tub again. "I'll always reach out to you."

 

Haru stayed silent.

 

"You didn't, earlier." His voice was heavy, like he was trying not to cry. Makoto felt it like a punch in the gut.

"I know, I'm sorry. My hand is here now, I'm here. You can take my hand now."

 

And Haru actually did. He caressed Makoto's knuckles with his thumb. His face was now partially visible. Half-opened eyes and trembling lips, Haru seemed very lonely, like he was discovering human contact for the first time. Makoto reciprocated the movement, and had to stop himself from kissing Haru's hand.

 

"I'm scared, Makoto."

"I know."

Haru laughed a bit through his nose. "I should have figured."

 

Makoto remembered that time when they were kids, when Haru asked him if he was scared of the water. As much as he had tried to hide it, he was glad Haru had seen through that. He had wanted Haru to see through that.

 

"Are you scared of water, Haru?"

"Hm?" Haru completely turned his head towards Makoto, his eyes slightly widened.

"When you stopped swimming in the middle of your lap, earlier, it reminded me of when I was younger. When I saw things in the water and it made me stop swimming because I was too afraid. Did you see things in the water too?"

 

Haru looked at the bottom of the bath tub, thoughtful. His hand stilled.

 

"I did, yes." Makoto squeeze his hand as reflex. Haru squeezed back. "That thing was circling me, attacking me. I couldn't move or breathe. I had to stop."

"Haru..." Haru caressed Makoto's hand again.

"How could you go on, all these years?"

"I already told you, didn't I?"

 

Haru raised his head, making eye contact.

 

"That's because you're here, Haru." Makoto smiled.

 

Haru's eyes sparkled as he squeezed Makoto's hand. He nodded as a small sad smile rose on his lips. He nodded again.

 

"I'm here." Haru whispered.

 

Makoto smiled. He lowered his head on the border of the bathtub. He looked at Haru.

 

"When you're scared, don't forget I'm here for you too."

"But I don't know."

"Hm ?"

"I don't know what I'm scared of. There are so many things."

"It's okay, we can figure it out together. You can talk to me. You can come to me. I'm not leaving you alone, like you never leave me when I swim."

 

Haru blinked slowly and didn't say anything. He moved to open the bathtub faucet. At least he seemed to feel a little better, Makoto could let him take his bath alone to think about all this. Makoto stood up and walked towards the door.

 

"Makoto."

"Hm?"

 

Haru just stared at him. The rumble of the water filling the bathtub couldn't silence what his eyes were saying. "Stay with me." So Makoto sat next to the bathtub again. Haru put his opened hand on the border of the bathtub without a glance, the steam of the hot water coloring his cheeks. Makoto took his hand. They stayed like that in silence for a while, just the sound of the water, the steam and the feeling of the other's hand.

 

"Remember training camp?" Haru asked.

"Hm?"

"There was an onsen at the hotel."

"It was nice."

"Yeah. It was." Haru said, looking at Makoto, his smile turning into a small playful smirk. "I'm not even sure you can fit in this bathtub."

"I'll take a shower I guess." Makoto sighed.

"What a waste."

 

After a certain time, Makoto helped Haru get out of the tub. Haru left the bathroom with the door open while Makoto took a bath. The water was still warm. Makoto smiled at that. And yes, he could fit. With difficulty, but he could.

 

"You were wrong Haru, I can fit in the tub!" Makoto said, leaning towards the door.

"Don't bend yourself over backwards."

 

Makoto laughed. He left the bathroom soon after to join Haru. He was lying on the bed, wearing the orange and yellow shirt with shorts, sleeping. Makoto let a soft laugh.

 

"What's funny?"

"O-Oh! You're not asleep?"

"Only closing my eyes for a while." Haru replied sleepily.

"Alright." Makoto smiled.

 

Makoto sat on the bed next to Haru's, facing him. Haru was still lying on his side, his lips pursed as he removed small bits off the bed cover. Makoto observed him, letting him find his words. Haru looked at him.

 

"I'll talk to you about it later. I'm really tired right now." To prove his own point, Haru yawned and let his eyes slowly close and open.

"Okay, whenever you want. Good night Haru."

 

Haru hummed, rolling himself in the covers. Makoto turned off the light and went under the covers of his own bed. He faced Haru, for once facing him too. He thought of all the times he gripped Haru's shirt in his sleep because the futons were close enough to do so. Haru's expression was more calm than before and he was breathing quietly and regularly. Makoto couldn't stop himself from smiling while looking at him. Maybe things would get better from then on. He couldn't wait to see Haru get better. While he would never get tired of looking at Haru, he still needed sleep and let his best friend's breathing be his lullaby.

 

The day after, they had the medley relay. Makoto felt like he held his breath during the whole of Haru's lap, trying to be with him as much as he could. Haru didn't stop, he didn't slow down. He swam as fast as he could and got the team the first place. For the first time in weeks, the tears that fell from Makoto's eyes were due to happiness. He reached for Haru, calling his name. Haru took his hand, still breathless. He barely had time to recover before Nagisa jumped on him, trapping him in his usual koala hug. Haru smiled. A shy, confused one, but still, it counted.

 

"Can't believe we're heading to nationals..." Makoto sighed, shaking the memory out of his head and leaning back in his desk chair.

 

Better things were ahead, and that was enough to think about not to be overwhelmed by a virtual kiss. Makoto would rather remember Haru's real smile, Haru's real hand in his. He had every reason to have hope for what real life had to offer to them.

 

Makoto and Haru's Sims kissed again. **"Propose going steady."** Why not? Minus kissing, that was the way they've always been.

 

_**"Makoto and Haru are in an exclusive relationship."** _

 

Makoto smiled at that. Even as best friends, it felt like an exclusive relationship. People would roll their eyes at them when they had “telepathic” conversations, they knew each other like no one else ever could and it was obvious to everyone. Maybe that was why girls offered them Valentine's chocolates but weren't more stubborn than that to win either his or Haru's love. Maybe they already knew they had lost.

 

"I wonder how Haru feels about that..."

 

Makoto knew Haru didn't like having attention on him anyway, but what if it was because people thought he was dating Makoto? Would he find that flattering? Stupid? Makoto wouldn't go as far as thinking Haru would think it's offensive, they're best friends after all. That was still a question with no answer.

Makoto was sick of having no answers. He would tell Haru about Tokyo before Nationals, and he would tell him about his feelings at Nationals, right after their race. That was the plan, and he would follow through it. He couldn't tell Haru to move on to the future without fear when he was himself fearful. He had to be strong about this. Haru was getting better, he had to hear about Tokyo at least then.

Would Haru follow him to Tokyo? No idea. Makoto wasn't even sure it was a good idea. Haru needed to see new things and meet new people, and maybe that'd be easier if he had no possibility of counting on Makoto at every difficulty. At the same time, well, they were best friends. Of course Makoto wanted Haru at his side. After all those years, that'd be so weird not to see Haru for days, or even for weeks. Not seeing Haru's face, not feeling his presence next to him, not eating what he's cooking, lots of things would be lost in the distance. They would live, sure, but in the same way that people can live after being amputated. They can still feel their missing limb sometimes, and it hurts. So yes, Makoto hoped Haru would follow him to Tokyo. He just wanted Haru not to go to Tokyo just for him, but because he had a dream too. They had to talk about this, fast, and Makoto found it surprising that he thought it was more exciting than it was scary.

 

Makoto's Sim adopted a kitten through the newspaper. A small grey male kitten, noisy and playful. He called it Tokyo, hoping that the idea of going there would grow happily and healthily, and that Haru would love it as much as Makoto did. He bought all the necessary furniture, finding himself humming an upbeat song while doing it. Yes, there were good things to look forward to.

 

Someone knocked on his bedroom door.

 

"Yes, come in!" Makoto said.

"Hey."

 

Haru came in Makoto's room, holding a large plate with a plastic lid, a knife and two small forks. He put them down on Makoto's coffee table. Makoto sat at the table right away. If his gut instinct was right, this would be...

Haru removed the lid, uncovering a cake. A chocolate sponge cake, smaller than the one he had made for Makoto's birthday. It was covered with smooth dark brown frosting, and had raspberries and fishes made of white chocolate on top of it. It smelled as wonderful as it looked. A rich chocolate flavor that would have made him feel full already, fortunately he didn't need to be hungry to devour chocolate. Makoto thought he probably looked like a starved man, or a labrador puppy in front of a juicy steak, but he didn't care.

 

"Waaaah! Thank you! Did you bake it yourself?"

"Obviously. It's not that difficult to make." Haru mumbled, seeming very interested with his own fish-patterned socks.

"Thank you Haru! But why? Is it a special day today?" Makoto asked, tilting his head to the side.

 

Haru snorted, still not looking at Makoto.

 

"Not really. It's for qualifying for Nationals."

"You should have told me, I would have told Rei and Nagisa to come!" Makoto whined.

"The cake would have been too small." Haru smiled.

"Hm, that's true."

 

Haru closed his eyes and sighed. He looked at Makoto.

 

"It's for what happened at regionals."

"You don't need to feel sorry or anythi—"

"It's to thank you."

 

Haru went back to looking at the floor and fidgeting, his eyes hidden behind his bangs. Makoto shivered, his mouth slightly opened, his eyes fixed on Haru. Makoto shook his head briefly.

 

"D-Don't run away this time?"

"Hm?" Haru raised his head to look at him.

"Last year, when you thanked me, you ran from the hotel room to jog at night. Don't do that this time?" Makoto laughed, covering his mouth with his hand.

 

Haru's eyes widened, a light blush coloring his cheeks. He cut the cake and gave a small fork to Makoto without looking at him.

 

"Shut up and eat already."

"Okay!" Makoto smiled, taking the fork Haru offered him.

 

Makoto cut slowly in his piece of the cake, admiring the textures of the different layers — chocolate frosting, chocolate sponge cake, light chocolate cream with raspberries, chocolate biscuit with hazelnut. Makoto was licking his lips even before actually tasting the cake. He brought the small piece to his mouth, closed his eyes to appreciate even more.

The rich, soft, cosy flavor of the dark chocolate melting in his mouth, met with the acidity of the raspberries and underlined with the discreet crispy sweetness of the biscuit. Makoto let out a moan before even realizing what was going on.

 

"This tastes even more amazing than it smells or looks! I love it, Haru!" Makoto exclaimed while opening his eyes.

 

"I'm glad." Haru smiled around his own small fork, his own piece of cake almost finished.

"Huh? You're almost done with your piece of cake, Haru?"

"I'm not as much of a sweet tooth than you, so I took a smaller one."

 

Makoto nodded, not understanding how Haru could not cry of joy because of the sweet masterpiece he had baked. Makoto continued reveling in the magnificence of his best friend's gift. Makoto felt really blessed to know Haru right then, even if at that precise moment, it was mostly because of the homemade chocolate cake he was eating. Makoto closed his eyes to appreciate the taste as much as he did the first time.

 

"What's that ?" Haru said, behind Makoto.

"What's what ?"

"On your computer. That's the game your parents offered Ran for her birthday ?"

"Yep, it's pretty fun." Makoto said, licking his fork full of frosting.

"... Is that us ?"

 

Makoto opened his eyes. He had forgotten to save and quit before Haru came in his room. 

 

"No! No, no, no, that's nothing at all!" Makoto exclaimed, running next to Haru.

 

Haru was already looking and clicking everywhere in the house. Makoto swallowed with difficulty.

 

"Yes, that's us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so many flashbacks hahaha  
> I thought of editing it to make it shorter and less introspective, but I liked retconning Eternal Summer through Makoto's POV. Tell me what you think!


	6. The Sims [part 2]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to tell about the game in the first part, oops!
> 
> The Sims is a simulation game developed by Electronic Arts and Maxis.  
> This is based on The Sims 3, released on PC and Mac in 2009.
> 
> Thanks to kimie123 for the beta!

"What a weird cat name." Haru said, clicking on the grey kitten to make him play with a ball.

"Huh ?"

"Tokyo. That's a weird cat name. You should have called it Nekotobi-chan. Or Mackerel."

"It's a cat, not a fish!" Makoto whined.

"I don't see your point."

"Well I— Wait. That's the only thing that's bothering you?"

"We should have a pool. But yeah, that's it."

 

At least that meant Haru didn't notice his Sim and Makoto's were a couple. Crisis averted. Makoto sighed in relief. He stopped being relieved when he realized that Haru would still find that out sooner or later. Making Haru stop playing the game would be highly suspicious, as would be making both of their Sims break up and sabotage their entire relationship, even as friends or roommates. Well, Makoto could only blame himself for that mistake. He had to accept his destiny.

Haru stopped clicking. He stopped moving altogether.

 

"Haru?"

"You made me a chef?"

 

Haru had turned slightly towards Makoto but he was still looking at the screen, speechless.

 

"Oh yeah. You seemed not to want to be a pro athlete, so I wondered what else you could do." Makoto replied, trying to stop shaking with nervousness. "When we were kids, you said you wanted to be a chef, remember?"

"Right."

"Well, I think it would still suit you. You like cooking, you're so good at it—"

"I'm not that good..." Haru mumbled.

"That cake is the most amazing thing I've ever eaten, Haru! You are really good at this."

 

Haru looked back at Makoto.

 

"And I thought, you can put as much pressure on yourself as you want. In swimming, you'd have to win all the time and have sponsors to actually earn a living. In cooking, you can compete, or you can have your little cake shop or mackerel restaurant and you're going to be fine. I thought you'd like this more, maybe?"

 

Haru hummed noncommittally, looking back at the screen.

 

"I almost made you a painter, but in the game you'd just stay alone at home, I thought it'd be a bit lonely. You still paint though!"

 

Makoto took the mouse, his hand over Haru's as he got closer to him to look at the screen. He didn't do it on purpose, but it made him feel really warm. Makoto hoped Haru couldn't feel it. He clicked to see their living room, furnished with a TV and video game system, furniture and toys for the cats, and a lot of paintings on the walls, including a portrait of Makoto and Haru.

 

"See? Your Sim painted all of them! He's pretty good huh? Almost as good as you are." Makoto laughed, turning towards Haru, regretting his decision immediately because their faces were definitely too close. Haru turned his head the other way, fortunately, still Makoto could see a remain of Haru's blush on his ears. "That's true, you could work in art too! I've seen it over the years, you got really talented. The art club definitely thinks so too, as they tried to kidnap you several times!"

 

Haru stayed silent, lost in thought. He turned to look straight at Makoto.

 

"You really think I can do something else than swimming?"

"Of course you can, you can do anything you want, Haru."

"Don't you think it's a waste?"

"No, it's not."

 

Makoto smiled. Haru looked back at the screen and nodded.

 

"I'll think about it."

"Huh?"

"I'll think about what else I can do." Haru nodded again, determined.

 

Haru stood up and moved from the desk.

 

"I'm going back home now. You can eat the cake."

"Haru?"

 

Makoto felt a shiver on his spine. He didn't scare Haru, did he? He didn't hurt him, did he? Makoto stared at Haru in the eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. Haru didn't seem to be hiding anything. He looked okay. Makoto let a small sigh in relief.

 

"I'm going to sleep on it. Can I play it again later?"

"Sure!"

"See you tomorrow." Haru said with a small wave.

"W-Wait! I'm accompanying you to the door."

 

Makoto watched Haru put on his shoes — blue with cream laces and white soles, Makoto had similar ones in green — before telling him goodbye. Haru smiled a bit, mostly with his eyes, and closed the door. Makoto could still hear his muffled footsteps on the stone stairs. Once he stopped hearing them, he went back to his bedroom.

 

"It could have gone a lot worse." Makoto sighed. "I should be more careful about letting the game open!"

 

On the other hand, it wasn't so bad. At least, he managed to talk to Haru about his future, and he didn't get upset about it.

 

"'I'll think about it', he said, huh..."

 

It threw Makoto back to that first relay when they were kids. When Makoto had asked Haru to swim with him, and he answered "I'll think about it". Was this discussion was heading in a good direction, then? Makoto shouldn't have his hopes up, it didn't really mean anything. He had to let Haru go at his own pace, and go from that. Makoto sat back at his coffee table to take another piece of cake.

 

"That's not reasonable at all! What are you making me do, Haru?" He whined to himself.

 

Once he started eating, he stopped caring about being reasonable, for once.

 

 

◊

 

 

Makoto and Haru's Sims adopted a second cat. An adult grey tabby Makoto decided to call Mackerel. This was totally illogical to name a cat after a fish species, but Haru would appreciate it. Mackerel was shy, neat and independent. Makoto let a small laugh, thinking that he was exactly like his owner. He bought all the furniture the new cat needed to be happy. Tokyo would have a little friend to play with when Makoto and Haru were too busy. That was a relief.

Haru was happily working as a chef, the cooking skill mastered a long time ago. He usually used his free time fishing, gardening, going to the pool and hanging out with Makoto and the cats. Makoto was still babysitting sometimes, though he didn't need to do it as much. Haru earned a lot of money after all. Makoto thought of becoming a rockstar in the game, for kicks. He'd talk to Haru — the real one — about it. More seriously, he should really talk to Haru about what he planned to do after graduation.

Haru would be playing with Makoto, so he stopped using any of the romantic interactions, just in case. They stayed boyfriends in the game, of course, but he didn't try to go further than that. Who knew what would happen if Haru learned about that. Well, the question was more "when", rather than "if". Makoto felt nauseous at that. He didn't want Haru to learn about it that way, but he didn't want to tell him himself so soon. And Haru wanted to play again. And he couldn't use the older file without romantic interactions because it was way too old, Haru would notice right away. Makoto just had to deal with it, Haru would learn about Makoto's feelings soon.

 

 

◊

 

 

Haru and Makoto were relaxing in Makoto's room after finishing the homework due for the day after. Haru sat up, putting away his book about waterfalls.

 

"Is there a job when you work with waterfalls?"

"A kind of scientist that studies water? Or a marine biologist? An environmental activist? Though I'm not sure you're paid for that one..."

"Hm..."

 

Haru laid down again next to Makoto to flip through his book.

 

"I can photograph waterfalls. And make documentaries about waterfalls."

"I didn't know you liked using cameras."

"Never did."

"I'm not sure you can just specialize in waterfalls, though."

"Can I specialize in water ?"

"Sure. There are plenty of things in the ocean."

"Cool."

"The perk of studying oceans is that you can dive. I'm pretty sure you don't dive in a waterfall."

"I see."

 

Haru put down his book, yawning and blinking slowly.

 

"Sleepy?" Makoto asked.

"A bit."

 

Haru rubbed his eyes. Yawned again. He was way too adorable. Makoto wanted to ruffle his hair and hug him, but he just smiled.

 

"What do you want to do, Makoto?"

"Hm?"

"After graduation. In the game, you take care of kids. It suits you."

"Really?"

"You're too much of a scaredy cat to be a firefighter or a vet anyway." Haru slurred.

"That's mean!"

"But true." Haru replied, staring at Makoto.

"Yeah it is." Makoto laughed.

"So?"

"Hm..." Makoto looked at the floor. "Actually, I have a pretty good idea of what I want."

 

Haru hummed, surprised, urging him to continue.

 

"Remember when I helped coach Sasabe at the swimming club?"

"Yeah." Haru turned fully on his side to face Makoto.

"I helped those kids learn to swim. It made me so happy to see them love swimming so much! They liked doing relays, and even Hayato, who was scared of water, ended up enjoying it! He told me 'I'm not scared of water anymore, I had fun today!'. I was so happy, Haru!"

 

Makoto hadn't realized he had broke eye contact with Haru, being too enthusiastic while talking about it. What he saw took his breath away. Haru was smiling at him. A full on smile, with eyes crinkled at the corners, sparkles in his irises. Haru was partially covering his mouth with his hand, but his whole face was betraying how happy and proud he felt. Makoto felt like his own being was set on fire. Except it felt more amazing than agonizing.

 

"ThatswhyIcalledthecatTokyo!" Makoto blurted.

"What?"

"T-That's why I called the cat Tokyo." Makoto couldn't understand how he could feel both burning and soaking at the same time, but that was happening. "I found a great university in Tokyo, and I would like to study there, after graduation!"

 

Haru stayed completely stunned, speechless. He just opened and closed his mouth like a fish. Makoto laughed nervously.

 

"I-I mean, I'd like to study sports education, to teach children how to swim! I talked about it to Amakata-sensei and coach Sasabe and they thought it was a good idea and they helped me look up universities..."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Haru asked, looking down.

"You didn't want to talk about all this. You wouldn't let me talk about it. Graduation, what happens after... I didn't want to hurt you, I didn't want to make you feel like I was leaving you behind! I just didn't know how or when to say it then."

"You just expected me to guess?" Haru began to sit up.

"No, not at all!" Makoto sat up too and reached towards Haru, in case he was trying to run away. "I had planned to tell you before Nationals, actually. I thought I was keeping this from you for too long. I wanted to tell you about this, really!"

 

Haru's lips were trembling.

 

"What if I'm not going to Tokyo...?" Haru asked, his head lowered.

"We won't stop being best friends, no matter what, Haru! We can call, Skype and meet for the holidays." Makoto replied, touching Haru's shoulder.

 

Haru didn't move for a while. He nodded.

 

"I'll go to Tokyo, too."

"Haru, you can't just decide that without knowing what you want to do!"

"Why not?" Haru said loudly, turning towards Makoto.

"Don't just base your decisions on me! What if you regret it?"

"It's not your business, okay?"

 

Haru shoved Makoto away and breathed heavily. It couldn't end like this. What could Makoto do to make the situation better?

 

"Haru."

"What."

"I'm not telling you can't go to Tokyo at all."

"Got it. Just for the holidays."

"That's not what I mean ! I'm just saying, don't go to Tokyo just because I'm there. Go to Tokyo because you have a dream there."

"What if I can't find a dream, huh?"

 

Haru was completely hunched, not looking at Makoto. This was bad.

 

"At least you'll find something interesting! I'll make sure you find something you'll want to study. Trust me on this."

 

Makoto made Haru turn to him gently and looked as deep in Haru's eyes as he could. He wanted Haru to know, to the bottom of his soul, that Makoto meant it. That he always meant it, when he said he would never leave Haru alone. That they would grow into adults together, that they would accomplish their dreams together. No matter how far apart they would be physically, their souls would still be as one as they've always been.

 

They stayed like that for a while, and when Haru left, his anger and sadness mostly gone, Makoto let him go with a soft smile. "See you tomorrow."

 

 

◊

 

 

Tokyo was growing to be a very rowdy cat and Mackerel kept wandering around and sleeping.

Makoto looked at his Sim's current confirmed wishes. Jogging until being exhausted, playing with Mackerel, petting a raccoon and going to the parc. Pretty mundane wishes, easy to fulfill. He had those little wishes for specific reasons though. Haru wouldn't see that Makoto's Sim also regularly wanted to passionately kiss Haru's Sim, “woohoo” with him or even marry him. That definitely was a very bad way to come out and confess to Haru. Though Makoto was very curious to see how their virtual marriage would look.

 

"Can I make Tokyo and Mackerel wear bowties?"

 

There was probably a mod for that. Makoto would look it up. One day. After finally gathering up the courage the confess to Haru. What if Haru rejected him though? He couldn't do the whole virtual wedding thing anymore, it would be heartbreaking and he wouldn't need that at all. Makoto pursed his lips, staring at the screen.

 

"Maybe if I make a fourth file..."

 

No way, the risk that Haru ends up on the wrong file by mistake was way too high. Makoto dropped the idea altogether. It looked like he wouldn't have his dream virtual wedding after all. Makoto sighed. He was pretty mad at himself worrying about petty stuff like that when he upset Haru the day before. He hoped Haru was feeling better. They couldn't find a future for Haru if he was too stubborn about staying with Makoto. Makoto was trying to be reasonable and cold-blooded about all this, but he couldn't help being flattered about Haru wanting to follow him. He knew it was probably by force of habit — they've known each other their whole lives after all — but it still made butterflies flutter in his stomach. If Haru was sure of one thing in his future, that was of Makoto's presence in it. He couldn't see it any other way. Incredible.

Makoto knew Haru could probably just mean that as best friends and nothing more, but it made Makoto hope that he liked him. In a romantic way. In a boyfriends way. In a "I want to kiss you and touch you and live with you and marry you" way. It made Makoto want to confess even more, he felt like he would explode if he didn't say anything. At the same time, it was really terrifying. What if he was wrong?

Then again, there was the problem of Tokyo. If Haru loved him and knew Makoto loved him back, of course he'd want to go to Tokyo, and Makoto wouldn't be able to fight back this time. He had to do things in the right order. Make Haru figure out what he'd like to do after graduation, finding a university for him, confess his feelings for him. During all that time he also had to make sure Haru didn't notice they were a couple in the game. It was going to be difficult, but possible. Probably. He had to think of ways to hide that fact from him.

 

 

◊

 

 

"I noticed something."

 

Makoto's heart missed a beat.

 

"W-what?"

"You know you can see the Sim's professional history? Jobs they did before?"

"I guess."

"My Sim used to be working as an athlete?"

 

Makoto had totally forgotten about it. For him, Haru's Sim was a chef. The most talented chef of the city, in fact. At the top of his career. So yeah, maybe he was a mascot for a week or two. Wait. A mascot?

 

"Ah yeah, but not exactly? It was for a few days, at the bottom of the athletic job scale. But look!"

 

Makoto clicked on Haru's Sim, then their shared wardrobe in their shared bedroom — why didn't Haru say anything about the shared bed was a mystery, good thing they're best friends — then his very first work outfit. The llama male cheerleader mascot costume. Haru's Sim spinned to show off his new outfit. Makoto turned to Haru with a giddy smile, knowing his best friend would love it. Mascots were his thing after all.

 

"Amazing." Haru whispered, his shiny eyes fixated on the screen.

"I know, right?" Makoto laughed.

"Can I make it my default outfit?"

"Please don't."

"Come on! No one will care." Haru pouted.

"Alright, do whatever you want. It's your Sim, not mine!" Makoto shrugged with a smile. Haru's cute pouts were hard to resist.

"Yes!" Haru whispered, eyes sparkling.

 

Makoto laughed. Haru could really be happy with the smallest things. Once Haru made the mascot costume his default casual outfit, he turned to Makoto.

 

"So."

"What?"

"What I was saying before."

 

Makoto tilted his head so much he was pretty sure a cartoonish question mark materialized above his head. Haru sighed.

 

"You made my Sim a pro athlete at first?"

"Ah... Yeah."

"You also thought that it's what I should do, huh."

"Not really."

 

Haru's eyebrows went a bit up, his expression otherwise unchanging.

 

"It's just that," Makoto continued. "I was skeptical too, about what other people are saying. That you should be a pro athlete. That you'll be a pro athlete. So I made your Sim one, to think about it a bit. But you can't choose your sport in the game. It's just american football."

"So, do you think I'm made to be an athlete?"

"Wouldn't have made your Sim quit his job if I did."

"But that was american football, not swimming."

"That's not why I made your Sim quit, though." Makoto laughed.

"Why do you think I can't be an athlete then?"

"You hate talking to strangers, being touched, and having photos of you taken. You're not particularly fond of talking and smiling in general. You like routine, and doing what you want when you want. Being free, like you always say." Makoto smiled.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"You could be an olympic athlete. You have the talent for it. I'm just not sure you'd be happy with it, in the long run."

 

Haru smiled and nodded. He looked at his Sim harvest his garden.

 

"In the long run, huh."

"Hm?"

"Can I try, though?"

"Try?"

"Being an olympic athlete."

"So you don't have regrets?"

"So Rin gets off my back." Haru smirked with a flash of teeth, a rare occurrence. "But yeah, I can only do that when I'm young, after all."

"That's true. And then?"

"Hmm... I need to think about it."

"Any ideas?"

"Cooking or something to do with fishes or water?"

"That's really vague!" Makoto laughed.

"That's why I said I had to think about it." Haru mumbled.

"Alright, let's think about it later."

 

Haru made his Sim cook grilled fish, humming about it. Then both of the Sims ate together, making small talk. Makoto thought it was funny and totally out of character, because Haru always ate grilled mackerel in religious silence, "noise disrupts the taste of mackerel", he'd say. Maybe he was right, and Makoto didn't know enough about this to notice it. Makoto snorted. Haru hummed.

 

"I was just thinking that, unlike your Sim, you don't usually talk when you eat. Especially mackerel."

"Noise disrupts the taste of mackerel."

"Yeah I know, you told me already." Makoto laughed.

"By the way, this doesn't look like mackerel at all. It looks like salmon. What were they thinking?" Haru frowned.

"Haha, looks like you caught me!"

 

Haru looked questioningly at Makoto.

 

"It's grilled salmon. There wasn't any mackerel in the game so I looked in its code to change it to grilled mackerel. Couldn't change its appearance, though. Sorry, Haru."

"It's okay." Haru looked back to the screen. "Why did you do it?"

"Because Haru can't live in a world without grilled mackerel, can he?"

 

Haru snorted. He didn't answer though, because it was obvious. Haru could live without mackerel, of course, he just didn't want to. Was Haru thinking a bit in the same way about Makoto? Haru could do without Makoto, he had always been more independent after all. Maybe he just didn't want to live without Makoto. He wasn't dependent on Makoto, Haru's life was better with him in it. Probably. Makoto's chest felt lighter thinking of that possibility.

 

"Why am I comparing myself to grilled mackerel though..."

 

Haru snorted and elbowed Makoto to make him look at the screen. Haru's cursor was pointing to the grilled mackerel.

 

"Grilled mackerel. Quality : Exceptional."

 

Haru smiled. "You can definitely compare yourself to grilled mackerel."

 

 

◊

 

 

Makoto heard Haru's steps in the stairs, recognizing him before he even came through the door. That's what being friends forever did, Makoto guessed. Though those steps were a bit more urgent than usual. Not talking of full-on running up the stairs, Haru was still Haru.

 

"Makoto."

"Hm?"

 

Haru looked at the screen, Makoto was playing The Sims again. His Sim was on the phone about a work opportunity. Haru pointed at the screen, a glint of determination in his eyes.

 

"Good. That's what I need."

"You want to play?"

"Can it help me with phone calls?"

"Huh? Who do you want to call?" Makoto asked.

 

Haru never called anyone on the phone. He barely used his phone in the first place, so its battery was dead most of the time. This was certainly new. Haru took a deep breath, fishing his bright blue phone out of his pocket and showing it to Makoto. He swallowed hard, holding it with the tip of his fingers, not even looking at it, like it was a cursed artifact.

 

"I'm going to call the universities who left me voice mails...?" Haru closed his eyes in unease.

 

Makoto gasped. Well, that was definitely new. Using a phone was one of the rare things Haru didn't like to do himself. When he had to make a phone call, be it to a doctor or a plumber or whoever he had to call, he had always asked Makoto to do it. Makoto was quite anxious on the phone too — it's just too weird to hear someone's voice without seeing their face! — but he always gathered his courage to call and get Haru whatever he needed. He had thought Haru would learn how to do it on his own and cope at some point in the future.

Well, that point in the future was happening. Makoto just wished Haru had used a less important occasion for that. At least he would try, and Makoto was proud of him for that. Makoto denied his own knotted stomach and throat and the shivers on his skin at the whole situation. That was a lot of pressure on him too! What if Haru didn't get into a university because of him? What if Makoto was ruining his future? Why did he spend his life babying Haru like that, leaving the difficult situation to future Makoto and future Haru? Makoto sighed, cursing his past self.

 

"Alright, let's do this!" Makoto said as much to Haru as to himself.

 

Haru nodded furiously, his eyes betraying his obvious state of anxiety, bordering on panic. He sat on the floor, at the coffee table. He stared at his phone like he was hoping it would magically disappear. His hands were in clenched fists on his knees. His jaw was clenched. He was the very definition of "tense".

 

"Haru?"

 

Haru nodded.

 

"Do you want to rehearse that with me so you're more used to it?"

"Yes!" Haru exclaimed, startling Makoto.

"O-okay."

"Did you call your university yet?"

"Well I wasn't scouted so I just have to send the application, actually. And hope they let me take the entrance exams." Makoto sighed.

 

Haru sighed. It looked like he would have preferred sending a written application, even if it meant he wasn't sure of going to the school. Makoto would have laughed if it didn't make him want to hug him so much. Makoto patted him on the shoulder instead. Close, but not too close. He smiled to Haru. His usual "It's going to be okay, Haru, don't worry. I'm right here." Haru took a deep breath.

 

"Tell yourself that tonight, it will be done, and you can cook yourself some good fresh mackerel to reward yourself."

"I don't need to do something to eat mackerel." Haru frowned.

"Of course not, I wasn't saying that." Makoto laughed nervously. "I was just telling you to focus on something good you'll do after."

"Or." Haru frowned even more. "I can skip calling the universities and only cook mackerel."

"That's not what I was saying either!" Makoto whined.

 

Haru turned a bit to look at the screen. Makoto had paused the game to sit next to Haru a few minutes earlier. Haru pursed his lips.

 

"How do they have all these phone calls and feel good about it...?"

"They don't feel especially good about it, you know." Makoto sighed.

"Do you see a negative mood icon? No. There's definitely a negative mood icon when I have to make a phone call."

 

Haru sulked, looking at his phone like it wanted to kill him, or like he wanted to kill it, whatever.

 

"Oh!"

"What."

"I know some Sims need to learn charisma! Maybe it can help you?"

"Really? I thought they just read books about it. Not helping me."

"They also need to talk a lot to lots of different people! And make friends!"

"Too much effort."

"Yeah, I figured so as I said it." Makoto sighed.

 

Sims who wanted to learn charisma had to talk in front of audiences, make friends and talk to a lot of different people. Of course Haru wouldn't be on board with that. That's everything he hated. Well, not exactly hated. To Haru, it felt like hearing nails screeching on a blackboard. There were not a lot of things that made Haru want to scream, but those were all among them. Well, it looked like Makoto had to pretend to be whoever Haru was about to have on the phone, and hope for the best.

 

"Alright Haru, let's do this."

"Okay..." Haru mumbled, completely hunched, his eyes closed.

 

Makoto coughed. Haru took a deep breath, eyes still closed.

 

"University of Tokyo. What can I do for you?" Makoto said in his most pleasant voice.

"There's no way they're going to be that nice."

"Pretend they're going to be, Haru! Come on!"

"Okay. I got a voicemail from coach... coach..." Haru stammered.

"... You forgot his name?"

"That's why I prefer emails. I don't have to remember that." Haru took a blue fish-shaped post-it out of his hoodie pocket. "Coach Takahashi."

"Sure, what was that voicemail about?"

"A swimming scholarship."

"What's your name again? ... Haru, maybe you should tell your name at the beginning, right?"

"Okay. Nanase Haruka."

"I'm going to contact Coach Takahashi right away, Nanase-san. Don't hang up."

 

Haru stayed silent, his eyebrows lifted.

 

"Haru?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just..."

"Hm?"

"You never call me Nanase, that's weird."

"That's what I was thinking too!" Makoto laughed. "Remember when you wanted me to call you that, when we were kids?"

"Really."

"Yeah, you really didn't like your name back then."

 

Haru hummed, looking down.

 

"Do you still hate it, Haru?"

"Got used to it, I guess."

 

The silence between them stretched. Not uncomfortable, never uncomfortable between them. It was just floating there.

 

"Haru."

 

Haru, still looking down, tried to hide a coy smile. He looked at Makoto, staying silent. His eyes were telling him to say it again.

 

"Haru...?" Makoto said, his voice almost a whisper, a prayer.

 

Haru closed his eyes. He laughed through his nose.

 

"Why do you say my name so much?"

"I... I like it? I like saying your name, Haru." Makoto stammered, his neck feeling warmer.

"Okay."

 

Makoto coughed, wishing he could throw some fresh water to his face to cool down. Why did he admit something like that ? It's super suspicious, right? Haru didn't seem to take it the wrong way at least. Still, Makoto should think more before speaking.

 

"So we were saying... So I'm coach Takahashi now, right? I don't really know what he would say to you."

"It's okay." Haru replied. "I'm going to do it."

"You can't be coach Takahashi and answer your own questions! That's too easy!" Makoto whined.

"I mean I'm going to call the university."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

 

Haru breathed deeply and took his cellphone. Makoto heard him push the buttons as Haru bit his lip and trembled. Makoto took the hem of his sleeve. He would normally cling to Haru's clothes when he was scared himself, but at that moment he just wanted to give him some strength. Reminding him that he's here. Haru put the phone to his ear. One tone. Two. Haru gripped Makoto's hand, looked at him, a nervous almost-smile on his lips. Third tone.

 

"..."

"H-hello." Haru croaked. "I'm Nanase Haruka and, um..." He threw a scared glance at Makoto.

"Coach Ta-ka-ha-shi!" Makoto whispered.

"I had a voicemail from coach Takahashi. About a swimming scholarship." Haru squeezed Makoto's hand and slowly blinked at him.

"..."

"A... A month ago... I think." Haru stammered, looking away.

"..."

"Nanase Haruka."

"..."

"Thank you." Haru replied. He swallowed, crushing Makoto's hand at the same time.

 

It stayed silent for less than a minute.

 

"..."

"Y-yes!"

"..."

"Sorry."

"..."

"I understand."

"..."

"Thank you. Goodbye." Haru's voice broke on the last syllable.

 

Haru's eyes firmly shut. He was gripping his phone so hard it looked like it was about to break.

 

"I'm so stupid." Haru whispered under his breath.

"What happened, Haru?" Makoto asked, caressing Haru's knuckles.

"He... He said that he wouldn't give me the scholarship because of what happened at regionals."

 

Makoto looked elsewhere, not wanting Haru to see what he thought of it. Because well, that made sense, when they thought about it. Who would want an athlete who panics at regionals and sabotages himself? Who would want to bet on him?

 

"He gives me one last chance though."

"Hm?"

"The relay at nationals. He told me to prove myself there. Prove I'm worthy of their trust." Haru squeezed his hand again.

"We're going to do our best, Haru. Let's take you there."

 

Haru smiled, a glint of determination like a flame in his eyes.

 

◊

 

Haru was staying over that night. They didn't have class the day after and the twins had missed Haru a lot. Ran and Ren kept being noisy and pestering Haru, but the only reaction Makoto saw in him was extreme patience and kindness, like Haru had always been with them. People would expect Haru to hate children or at least to avoid them, but Haru actually liked them a lot. In return, they appreciated him just as much. Haru was always impressing them with beautiful drawings of their favorite cartoon characters or he would tell them random trivia about fishes. Haru never really liked or even understood kids' games even when he was a kid himself, but he tried to play along. That night, Haru and Makoto helped the twins with their homework and played Mario Kart. When it was time for Ran and Ren to go to bed, Haru and Makoto would tell them a story together, using different voices. Seeing Haru so invested in making his siblings happy made him melt. Makoto sighed. Haru was everything he could ask for in a person and more.

Haru came back from his bath wearing a blue pajama with white polka dots. He had a towel on his shoulders and his hair was dripping wet. His hair always looked darker and slightly longer when it was wet, and it suited him greatly.

 

"Dry your hair, Haru! You're going to get a cold!" Makoto moaned.

"I'm fine." He replied, sitting at the computer beside Makoto.

"No you're not! You always say that, and then you end up sneezing non-stop! It's always like that with you."

"That's not tru—" Haru sneezed.

"Come on, let me dry your hair for you." Makoto laughed. "I'll get the hair dryer."

"I'm not a child anymore!" Haru replied as Makoto left the bedroom.

 

Makoto went to the bathroom with a small skip in his step. He loved drying Haru's hair. Watching his sleek wet hair become light and fluffy and warm. Have an excuse to run his hands through it, to caress Haru's head and ears and neck. Haru didn't want to admit it, but he clearly loved it. Haru always leaned in Makoto's touch, becoming gradually relaxed until it made him sleepy. He really was like a cat after all. They always make a fuss when their owner wants to groom them, yet they keep coming back for more. Makoto snorted. Haru was really adorable.

 

"What's funny?" Haru asked as Makoto came back in the room.

"Hm, I just thought that you keep complaining about me drying your hair but you always end up being happy about it. You're really like a cat!"

"... I don't need you to baby me, that's all. I can dry my hair myself." Haru mumbled.

"Yet you don't, so I take care of it!"

 

Haru humphed. Makoto turned on the hair dryer at minimum power and began directing it towards Haru.

 

"It's going to take hours if you use minimum power." Haru groaned.

"I don't want to wake up the twins, though." Makoto said in a smaller voice.

"You're right, sorry."

"It's okay, Haru."

 

Haru had a point though, so Makoto cautiously — like it could make a difference — pushed the button for medium power. It made more noise, but nothing alarming. He began to dry the back of Haru's head, running his fingers through his black hair. The constant white noise of the hair dryer, the fresh wetness of the cooled bath water, the warmth of the air drying Haru's hair, the presence of Haru, touching Haru, all of that made Makoto feel at peace. He didn't know how long it took, taking strands of hair and drying them, feeling the shivers on Haru's neck, warm air heightening the fragrance of Haru's hair, hearing Haru's hums of appreciation, the satisfaction of feeling his hair becoming all warm and soft. It felt like it went on for days and months and years and decades, and Makoto was more than fine with it, somehow.

Makoto moved to dry Haru's bangs. He touched Haru's forehead to take the strands of hair and it made him want to touch his face more. Lightly touch his eyelids with the tip of his fingers, count his lashes, caress his nose until its tip, follow the curve of his mouth, from the arc of his Cupid's bow to the round fullness of his bottom lip, trace his cheekbones, his jaw to his chin, cup his face. Kiss him. When Haru had his eyes closed like that, letting himself be taken care of and touched by Makoto, it made him want to cup his face and kiss him. Not the kind of want when he would ravish Haru's lips like a pirate steals a treasure. Makoto wanted the same softness and slowness and care that he applied to drying Haru's hair. No breaking the ice, no crossing the line. Just breathtaking in its obviousness and simplicity.

 

"Makoto."

"Hm?"

"I think my hair is dry now. You're burning my forehead."

"A-Ah! I'm so sorry, Haru!" Makoto yelped.

 

Makoto turned off the hair dryer. Haru's forehead was a bit red indeed. Makoto put the back of his hand against it to make it a bit cooler. Makoto had to stop daydreaming about that kind of things. He sighed. It was difficult when he was so easily charmed by his best friend.

 

"I'm fine, Makoto."

"O-Okay. Sorry, again." Makoto smiled sheepishly.

"Just pay attention next time. Let's play?"

"Sure!"

 

Makoto clicked on the green plumbob icon. Haru liked playing the Sims with him. He would take care of Tokyo and Mackerel, make his Sim fish and take care of the garden to prepare delicious dinners and premium cat food and sell the rest. Since he began playing, they moved out to a big villa on the coast. Not only they were really close to the sea, they also had an inside pool — that Haru's Sim used constantly and painted several times in different styles — a jacuzzi and a water slide in the garden. They also had their own gym room and a room just for the cats.

 

"When I think that I'll live in a tiny dorm in a noisy city next year..." Makoto sighed. "It makes me miss Iwatobi already."

 

Haru hummed.

 

"Won't you miss swimming in the ocean, Haru?"

"As long as there's a pool, I'm fine."

"I guess so." Makoto laughed.

 

Their Sims didn't have many friends. They had a lot of acquaintances : colleagues, neighbors, etc. but no real friends to speak of.

 

"It's weird that everyone else doesn't exist in the game! Nagisa, Rei, Kou, Rin and the others. It's a bit lonely, don't you think?"

"Yeah. Your family doesn't exist either."

"True! Your parents either."

"It's not like they're often here."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.."

"It's okay. They're coming at nationals by the way."

"Really? That's so great, Haru! When did they call you?"

"Yesterday evening."

"Okay. By the way, did you talk to them about what you are going to do after graduation ?"

"No."

"You're going to do it at nationals then?"

"No."

"Why not? They need to know about it, it's important."

"It's not like they ever asked me about it."

 

Haru clicked on his Sim, made him swim in the indoor pool until he was tired. He watched him swimming in circles. Haru didn't like it. Haru only liked swimming laps in pools, or letting himself float. Swimming in circles made no sense to him.

 

"Haru."

"Hm."

"You still have to talk to them, okay?" Makoto put his hand on Haru's shoulder. "I know it's hard. I can help!"

"It's not hard. I don't see the point in talking about it when I know they won't care."

"They want you to be happy, Haru! I'm sure they'll be glad to know what you want to do."

"Whatever."

 

Makoto didn't know what he could say to Haru. To be honest, he had no idea how Haru's parents would react to their son wanting to be a pro swimmer. Or a chef. Or anything. He wasn't even sure Haru's parents realized he was about to graduate high school. Makoto patted Haru's shoulder. He had no more words left. He just wished they were both wrong about his parents, though it sounded unlikely.

 

 

◊

 

 

It was finally time for nationals. The whole team was pumped but nervous at the same time. Haru's place in the university he wanted depended on how they did on the relay, after all.  Everything was so vast, hundreds of people could sit there to watch them swim. Among them, there were scouts and even journalists. The whole country was watching. Okay, probably just the people who are actually interested in swimming, but that was still impressive. Seeing all the other teams, with their matching jerseys of varying colors, it made nationals so real. They would compete with those people, who trained hard too to come to this point. Maybe some of them would be in Haru's team at university. Knowing that Haru's future teammates and friends might be there made Makoto smile. He couldn't wait to meet those people. Haru was standing a bit behind him, tense from being around so many people. They had already put their baggage at the hotel, so they decided to come at the pool early to see how it was. Maybe that wasn't a good idea. The wait, surrounded by the scent of chlorine and swimmers that seemed talented and confident, that made Makoto a bit nauseous.

 

"You're making such a face Tachibana!" A guy from his class slapped him on the back. "Don't worry, you're going to do great."

"Thank you..." Makoto replied with a shaky laugh.

 

Some people from Iwatobi came to support them. They even took a banner and a costume of Iwatobi-chan, which made Haru way more enthusiastic than they expected, hugging the guy wearing the costume, shaking his hand — well, wing, in that case — and telling him that he would not disappoint him. At least they made Haru happy instead of just nervous, which reassured Makoto.

Because Haru's parents were there too, though they only said hello and that they'll talk more later. Haru could see them in their seats, Makoto knew it. Makoto also knew that Haru was doing his best pretending that they weren't there. Makoto patted him on the shoulder.

 

"It's going to be fine, Haru. Let's just swim for now. Maybe the water will help you?" Makoto attempted as a joke.

 

Haru nodded emphatically.

 

"Let's do this." Haru said.

 

Haru stopped seeing bad things in the water since regionals. Makoto hoped it wouldn't happen again. Haru seemed more serene as he talked with Makoto about his future, though. He's going to be okay, Makoto repeated in his head. More to reassure himself than to reassure Haru.

It was finally time for their race. Makoto could feel the cameras and the stares on them, like weighs he wanted to shake off. Makoto was never one to like being in the spotlight. He focused on the team, on Haru. Makoto was the first to swim in the relay, and he was going to make sure he would give all he had. He would help take Haru where he wanted to be. 

 

First whistle blow. Makoto jumped in the pool.

 

Second whistle blow. Makoto gripped the wall, looked at Haru. The black-haired boy blinked at him.  _"Don't worry. I'm swimming with you, like I always have."_  His blue eyes were saying. Haru's quiet confidence filled Makoto's heart.

 

Go.

 

Makoto dove. He never really liked diving. Those few seconds when his head was underwater, distorting and darkening his vision of the sky. It was a few seconds of drowning every time. Makoto accelerated his dolphin kick, and he rose again, breaking the surface.

Swimming a relay can be so different than swimming alone. He could hear the faint cheers of his teammates waiting for him. He swam faster, gave more strength in his kick. When Makoto swam a relay, he didn't swim as fast as he could because he was afraid of what inhabited the water, he only thought of joining the people who waited for him outside of the pool. Especially, he wanted to swim to join Haru. Of course, he could feel the whole team by his side, pushing him towards the end of his lap. Naturally, what he felt most was Haru's heart. Beating with him, feeling the water with him. There were very few things that they couldn't communicate with words and stares and body language. What they both felt in the water was simply impossible to describe. It was like longing, except it was exciting. Passion, but more tranquil. Did Haru feel the same, in the water?

Makoto hit the wall. Cried Nagisa's name to cheer him on, as breathless as he was. He removed his swim cap and goggles. A hand reached out to him.

 

"Makoto."

"Thanks, Haru." Makoto smiled, and took his hand.

 

He wanted to linger, but didn't. This wasn't the right time. They cheered for Nagisa as he swam his lap. Hearing Haruka being so enthusiastic, in his own way, made Makoto feel lighter. He didn't even look at the other teams swimming next to them. It already felt like a victory.

Then it was Rei's turn. Nagisa's breathing was fast as he came out of the pool, but it didn't erase his smile. They all cheered for Rei as well. Makoto was so happy for him, he trained so hard for the team and Makoto could recognize himself in Rei's sense of self-sacrifice. He hoped Rei knew how much they valued what he did for the team. How grateful they all were. He'd make a great captain, Makoto was sure of it.

Haru touched Makoto's shoulder. No serious glint of determination in his eyes. That sparkle... Haru just wanted to be in the water. No competition, no pressure. Swimming with his friends was all that mattered at that moment. Haru looked at him, a small smile on his lips.

 

"Swim with me, Makoto."

 

Makoto's face felt bright and warm with happiness. His cheeks hurt a bit from how much he was smiling. Makoto tilted his head, as he always did.

 

"Sure!"

 

Haru smiled a bit more, before he put his swim cap and goggles. He walked on the platform. He called Rei one last time as he was swimming his last meters. Haru bent over, preparing for his dive.

Haru dove. Makoto didn't even realize he was already screaming his name. Makoto focused, making sure all his energy, his heart, his soul was with Haru. No matter what lurked in the water, Makoto would protect Haru from it. Makoto would take Haru where he wanted to be. Haru, no matter how fast and powerful he was, always looked so graceful in the water. It truly was where he belonged. Did Makoto know that already, when they were kids, when he asked Haru to go to the swimming club? Did he sense how much Haru would love it? Makoto had no idea. He was really glad he asked Haru, that day.

Makoto wanted to jump in the pool to join Haru. Feel Haru's warmth and energy swirling around him, taking him away. Feeling his confident, accepting stare. Feeling so drawn to him, inescapable, like a current, a cyclone. But Makoto didn't even want to escape it. Haru was swimming the lap back, was swimming towards them. Makoto called his name, cheered him on with all he had. He couldn't wait for Haru to be back to him.

Haru hit the wall. They still had no idea at what place they were. They didn't care. It was exhilarating, as the audience cheered and applauded with them. Makoto reached his hand to Haru. Over the years, it became an automatism, yet his giddiness never faded. Haru shook his head, throwing droplets of chlorinated water around him.

 

"We did it, Haru!"

 

Haru smiled and nodded, taking his hand.

 

"Yeah."

 

They were sixth. But sixth at nationals when their club only existed for two years, that was pretty great. Haru was so amazing when he swam, so fast and precise, there was no way he didn't blow this scout's mind. He would probably have to fight against other schools to get Haru. Makoto snorted as he dried his hair. They did it!

 

"Why are you laughing?" Haru asked.

"I was thinking that the scouts will have to fight to have you now. You were amazing, Haru!"

"You really think so."

"Of course! You're the best in the water, Haru-chan!"

 

Makoto already expected a rebuttal, a "Not really" or a "Drop the -chan". He didn't expect Haru to look away and trying to hide his blush behind a towel.

 

"Thank you."

 

Makoto leaned a little against Haru's shoulder as an answer. They began dressing up quietly, unlike Nagisa and Rei who were running around and doing shenanigans as usual. Makoto's mood was too good to scold them, so he let them be.

 

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru?"

"Thank you, for earlier."

"You already thanked me, Haru." Makoto giggled.

"No, I mean... When I was swimming, I got scared. It was too bright, blinding me, I just wanted to get away."

 

Makoto's stomach sank. Haru was still scared after all. It would take some time for him to recover, he thought. At least he could swim the whole thing this time. Haru took Makoto's arm.

 

"I saw you there."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you called my name. You were swimming by my side. It was alright again." Haru replied as his eyes were shining and glittering with exhilaration. "It was more than alright, I never loved swimming more than at this moment! I'd never seen or felt that way before. Thank you."

 

Makoto dried his own tears of happiness with his towel. Seeing Haru this happy, knowing that he was the cause of it, knowing that Haru thought swimming was better with Makoto, Makoto had rarely felt that happy either. He laughed and laughed, hiding his face in his towel. Haru took his hand.

 

"Makoto."

 

Makoto was glad he was hidden by the towel, because his face was on fire. Haru's voice was so soft, it was like no one else was there — perhaps no one else was there, Makoto had no idea actually — Makoto wanted to take Haru in his arms, right at this moment. He wanted to tell Haru how much he loved him, that he wanted to swim by his side for his whole life. As Makoto opened his mouth, he felt a weight, warm and soft, against his torso. Haru's hand was gone. He could feel Haru's arms around his back instead. Haru had took him in his arms instead.

 

"I'm glad I'm swimming with you, Makoto."

 

Makoto's whole body trembled. His knees felt about to give out and his heart was rumbling like drums and thunder at once. It reverberated through his head and neck and probably against the walls too. His heartbeat could probably be heard from space. This was no love confession, Makoto knew it, but it was pretty close. Makoto reciprocated the embrace, feeling Haru's naked back, so narrow and toned under his palms. He couldn't see anything but he could feel Haru's forehead against his shoulder and his breath against his collarbone. Makoto wanted to hold him even tighter and never let him go. No, it wasn't simply that he wanted, he wasn't even sure he could do something else. He wasn't sure if he was able to let Haru go at that instant.

 

"I'm glad too, Haru! Thank you."

"What are you even thanking me for..." Haru mumbled, his lips moving against Makoto's collarbone, making him dizzy.

 

Makoto pushed Haru a bit away from him, not wanting to get overwhelmed. They were in public after all, so he had to control himself. Makoto found himself being a bit short of breath. His towel fell on his shoulder and he saw Haru. His hair ruffled, his cheeks slightly rosy and warm. This was way too much for Makoto. He was close to jumping in the pool to refresh himself from this sight. Instead, he smiled at Haru before looking away and putting on his team jersey. Not surprisingly, Haru was quicker at removing clothes than at putting them on. Putting clothes on meant not going back to the water after all, so he didn't like it. Makoto waited for him.

 

"Come on, Haru. The others are probably waiting for us."

 

Haru hummed and followed him out of the locker room, scolded by Kou as soon as they passed the door. They'd rather have that than Nagisa asking them what took them so long, a smirk on his lips. Makoto popped up his collar to hide the blush that was creeping on his neck at his friend's remark. Makoto felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He took out his phone. A text from his parents, congratulating them for their race and informing them that they would eat together at the restaurant two hours later. With Haru's parents. Makoto swallowed. He tapped Haru's shoulder and showed him the text message. Makoto looked at Haru's eyes moving as they read the text, feeling him tense at the end.

 

"We have two hours of free time at the hotel before that, at least. Do you want to prepare what you're going to say to them?"

"I want to take a nap, mostly." Haru said, yawning to emphasize his point.

"Alright." Makoto laughed. "And then?"

"Sure, we can talk about it. A bit."

 

The whole team walked towards the hotel. It was way bigger than the year before, fancier too. Makoto was glad their school was taking them seriously and was okay with spending money on them. He looked around in awe, before Haru pushed him in the elevator with everyone else.

The room was more spacious than last time too. There were two beds, but both were spacious enough to make two people sleep in it. It was really fancy indeed. There was also a huge window with a view on the city. Buildings, roads and trees extending towards the horizon, under a beautiful blue sky punctuated with white clouds.

 

"It must look even more beautiful at night, don't you think, Haru ?"

"Sure."

 

Haru was already napping on his bed, looking the other way.

 

"You're not even looking!" Makoto sighed.

 

Haru rolled over to look at the view. He shrugged.

 

"I'm looking now."

"So?"

"I prefer Iwatobi."

"Iwatobi is really beautiful, huh... I'm going to miss it when I go to Tokyo."

 

Makoto went to Haru's bed to sit on the edge of it. Seeing Haru's black hair ruffled against the white pillow made him want to touch it. Well, he always wanted to touch Haru's hair. He had no idea why he had a fixation on that.

 

"Me too."

"You too...?"

"Yeah, I'm going to Tokyo."

"Really?"

"Coach Takahashi's university is there. And..."

"Hm?"

"Nevermind."

 

Makoto snorted. Haru was looking away, embarrassed.

 

"How about your parents? What do they know about, exactly?"

"Nothing."

"They don't know that scouts contacted you?"

"No."

"What are you going to tell them, then?"

"Hm... ‘By the way, I'm graduating in March and a scout wants me to join his university to be a pro swimmer. I thought about doing culinary studies on the side. I have a scholarship so it's all paid for. Here's the paperwork. Thanks.’ or something like that."

"It's a bit tactless, don't you think?" Makoto sighed.

"It's efficient and I don't have to talk much."

"True. We can try that, at least." Makoto smiled sheepishly.

 

This was as good as it was going to get. Makoto yawned. He fished his cell phone out of his pocket. They still had an hour and a half to nap and get dressed to go to the restaurant.

 

"Haru, is a thirty-minute nap good for you?"

"Sure, why?"

"Putting an alarm on my phone."

"Okay. See you later." Haru replied, going underneath the covers.

"Sleep well, Haru!"

 

Makoto went to his own bed, staring at the empty space beside Haru and wishing he were there instead. He closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately.

 

"Makoto. Makoto!"

 

Makoto opened his eyes, finding Haru sitting beside him and shaking his shoulder lightly.

 

"Time to wake up, Makoto." Haru looked to the side. "Well, it was time to wake up fifteen minutes ago but it was impossible to even move you an inch. I got dressed and decided to let you sleep."

"Really? I'm sorry Haru!" Makoto replied, still groggy from sleepiness. His nap felt as if he’d closed his eyes for five seconds instead of forty-five minutes.

"It's okay, we still have plenty of time before leaving. You should get dressed."

"Yeah, you're right."

 

Haru was wearing a short-sleeved blue and white T-shirt with brown pants. Still pretty casual then. Makoto had no idea what kind of restaurant they were going to. He hoped for nothing too fancy. He wouldn't want their parents and professor Amakata to spend a lot of money on dinner. Makoto looked at the window. The sun was starting to set, coloring the sky in orange and purples hues, punctuated by pink and purple clouds. They could see some city lights from there. It didn't seem cold or windy outside. It wasn't raining either. A perfect evening to go out, Makoto thought.

 

He took a brown striped T-shirt and black jeans out of his suitcase.

 

"Do you think it will be good enough, Haru?" Makoto asked, showing the outfit he was about to wear.

"Sure. Don't worry about it." Haru replied, raising his head from a magazine about cooking seafood.

"Hm? You want to cook seafood, Haru?"

"Well, in culinary school I suppose I'll have to cook other things than mackerel and curry."

"That's true. Excited?"

"It looks fun to do." Haru nodded. "I can try while we're still in Iwatobi, seafood is less expensive."

"Can I taste what you make?" Makoto gasped.

"Of course. I'll invite you."

"Awesome!"

 

Makoto got dressed up, humming a cheery song. Weirdly, he was more excited to eat Haru's new recipes rather than going to the restaurant with everyone. Weird, yes, but not surprising. What Haru made was as good as Makoto could eat in a restaurant, but it was extra special because Haru made it.

 

"Ready, Haru?" Makoto asked as he put on his T-shirt.

"Yeah."

"Let's go then, we'll wait for the others at the reception."

 

Makoto knew Haru didn't like to be late, as much as he loved staying in the bath for way too long in the morning. He didn't like to be late because being late meant having to run and Haru didn't like running. Makoto had no idea how Haru could run so slowly when he swam so quickly. Maybe he truly was a dolphin or a mermaid. They took the elevator. They didn't really say anything, but Makoto could tell Haru was looking at him through the reflection on the mirror wall. Was there something wrong with his hair? Makoto thought, patting his hair down in self-consciousness. Haru snorted.

 

"Your hair is fine, don't worry."

"O-Okay. Thanks, Haru."

 

They waited in the seating area near the reception, looking at brochures for tourists who visit the city.

 

"Let's go to the aquarium."

"No, Haru, we don't have time for that. We'll go to the one in Tokyo, okay?"

"Got it." Haru looked at other brochures, in case something piqued his interest. "Wait."

"What?"

"There's Disney Sea in Tokyo."

"Not in Tokyo itself, but we can go by train."

"Awesome!" Haru whispered. Makoto laughed.

 

Makoto's parents were the first to arrive, along with Ren and Ran who threw themselves at Makoto and Haru.

 

"You were amazing, Haru-chan! You were so fast!" Ran exclaimed, sitting on his lap.

"Thank you." Haru replied, trying to make her stop gesticulating before she hit someone.

"Yeah, you were so cool, with big brother, and brother penguin and brother butterfly!" Ren yelled next to his sister. 

"I'm sure the other teams were cheating."

"Don't worry Ren, they were not cheating. They're just really strong, that's all." Makoto answered with his big brother voice. He ruffled Ren's hair. "Thanks for coming to cheer for us."

"No problem, Makoto. It was really worth it, you all worked so hard! You too, Haru." Makoto's mother said, her smile similar to her son's.

"Thanks mom!"

"We're all very proud of you today." Makoto's father added.

 

Haru nodded, trying to hide his embarrassment. Makoto was glad everyone was so happy.

 

"Haru." Makoto's mother said. "Your parents will arrive in a few minutes. Your father had a call from a colleague at the hotel, that's why they didn't come with us."

"I see." Haru replied. Makoto was glad he didn't tense up at the mention of his parents. Maybe his own family reassured him.

 

Speaking of Haru's parents, they appeared at the hotel's front door. They smiled and walked a bit faster at the sight of their son. Haru's parents have always been more sociable than their son, but physically, it was really easy to realize they were from the same family.

 

"Haruka, you've grown up so much! You're really becoming a young man now, you're not a child anymore!" Haru's mother said, patting down his hair. Makoto didn't realize Haru had become taller than his mother, he hadn't seen her in such a long time. "You're so tall too Makoto, you look even older than Haruka!"

 

Makoto could see Haru pouting at the use of his full name and bit his cheek not to laugh. Makoto wished he could call Haru ‘Haruka’, he always thought it sounded beautiful. Maybe it was just because it was for Haru after all, so Makoto lacked all sense of objectivity.

 

"Mom, dad..." Haru began, fidgeting a bit.

"Yes, dear?" Haru's mother replied.

"Can I talk with you, after dinner? It's about the university."

"Sure, we hoped to talk with you after going to the restaurant anyway."

 

Haru nodded, looking at Makoto with a tinge of nervousness.

 

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!"

"Nagisa hasn't changed, I see." Haru's mother laughed.

 

Ran and Ren ran towards the rest of the team to hug Nagisa and Rei. His siblings saw them a few times before and loved them a lot, to the point of giving them nicknames and including them in drawings. Makoto will always remembers Rei crying at the portrait Ren made of him, saying it was beautiful. Rei's sense of beauty really was subjective, wasn't it? Though Makoto wasn't as talented than his little brother, so he shouldn't criticize. Professor Amakata quickly introduced herself to Haru's parents, as she had already seen Makoto's parents before. They walked to the restaurant together, Makoto's parents catching up with Haru's, Nagisa and Rei playing with the twins, Kou and professor Amakata chatting about one thing or the other. Haru looked at the river they were walking along, reflecting the sunset and multicolor city lights.

 

"Haru, are you okay?" Makoto asked in a soft cautious voice.

 

Haru hummed, glancing at Makoto from the corner of his eye.

 

"Do you want me to come with you, when you'll talk to your parents?"

"No, it's okay. I can do that myself."

"Alright. You'll tell me how it went when you're back at the hotel, okay?"

"Sure." Haru sighed. "I know you won't let me sleep if I don't tell you."

"No, I'm not like that!" Makoto moaned.

"Or worse, you'll tickle me." Haru said, grimacing.

"Thanks for giving me ideas, Haru!"

 

Haru humphed. They never had a tickle fight, when Makoto thought of it. Even when they were kids. Haru never seemed like the type who would like that. It happened the year before though, with Nagisa, Rei and Rin. Makoto could still hear Haru's precious, unguarded laugh. He wouldn't mind hearing that sound again.

 

"Tickling you seems like a good idea, yeah." Makoto pondered, a playful smirk on his lips.

"Please don't." Haru wasn't pouting this time, instead mirroring Makoto's expression.

 

They were at the restaurant after a ten-minute-walk. It was pretty small, but it looked really cosy and the patio looked dreamy with its plants and lights everywhere. Fortunately, they had reserved a table outside. Makoto just hoped insects wouldn't bother them too much. Makoto sat between Haru and Ran. He actually had to stop his siblings from fighting for the seat next to him and made them play rock-paper-scissors. In the end, Ren got to sit next to Nagisa, so he stopped complaining. Nagisa always made him laugh after all, telling improbable stories with funny voices and gesticulating at the same time. In short, just Nagisa being Nagisa.

There were way too many choices on the menu. Makoto had no idea what to take. Sure, there was green curry, but he could eat that at home so there was no point in choosing that when he could take something a bit more unusual. On the other hand, Makoto had never been really adventurous, food-wise. He was always scared that he would end up not liking it and not eating everything and disappointing his parents and making the waiter and the chef and the whole staff really sad. Makoto would rather choose something not too weird.

 

"What are you getting, Haru?"

"There's no grilled mackerel in here."

"Haru, you eat mackerel everyday! Why not choose something else?" Makoto whined.

"You're right. They have mackerel meunière."

"It's still mackerel though! Isn't there anything you'd like to try?"

"No idea. You? What did you choose?"

"I don't know either, there are so many things! I don't even know if I choose meat of fish."

"Hmmm... I think I'll choose the grilled scallops."

"Really?"

"I saw a similar recipe in my magazine but I have no idea what it tastes like."

"I see! You're already thinking about those kinds of things!"

"Of course." Haru mumbled, hiding his face in the menu.

"I'm glad you're so interested in that."

"It's just fun."

 

Makoto ended up choosing grilled beef, thinking that he hadn't eaten some in a while. The food was delicious, the beef juicy and a bit peppery just how Makoto liked it.

 

"So, Haru, do you like scallops?"

 

Haru didn't answer, still focused on eating. He didn't like being disturbed while he ate, after all. Makoto took a bit of Ran's food — chicken with vegetables — to help her finish her plate while he waited for Haru to finish. Makoto glanced towards him, watching him slowly chew his seafood. Makoto wondered if he was thinking of the recipe he read earlier, of if he was already thinking of recipes he could invent with it. Makoto made a bit of small talk with professor Amakata and his parents.

 

"I like it."

 

Makoto turned to Haru.

 

"I'll try some recipes at home."

"Really? I'm glad!"

"Hm. How was your dish?"

"It tasted amazing! I've rarely eaten beef that good, I think."

"What do you mean." Haru frowned.

"I don't know, the way it was cooked, or seasoned, or something. I don't know much about cooking, sorry." Makoto smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'll try to find some recipes with beef, then." Haru said mostly to himself, nodding.

"Thanks Haru, I can't wait!"

 

Makoto giggled internally, Haru wanted to cook for him! Several times! Makoto looked at the menu for his dessert while thinking only of what Haru would cook. Though all thinking stopped when he saw "chocolate cake". Haru was looking at it too on his menu, trying not to smile.

 

"And you criticize me when I choose mackerel..." Haru mumbled.

"That's not the same thing!"

"How so?"

"Well... I don't eat chocolate cake for breakfast everyday." Makoto pouted.

"Only because your mother would scold you if you did..." Haru coughed to stop himself from laughing.

"No, I know it's not healthy to eat chocolate all the time, Haru. I'm not a kid anymore!"

"Okay okay, I got it." Haru raised his hands in fake apology.

"... Plus, this one has coconut in it? It's different." He nodded.

"I didn't know you liked coconut."

"I don't eat it often, that's all."

"Hm, I see."

 

Makoto was pleased to see Haru make a mental note of it. As always, Haru made sure he knew everything about Makoto. That hadn't changed.

The parents and professor Amakata were busy paying for everyone while Makoto was trying to keep the kids — Ran, Ren and Nagisa — from running away and do stupid things. Then, Haru went with his parents and Makoto's back to the hotel where the adults were staying, while everyone else was going to their own. Makoto tried not to worry too much, but he's always been a worrywart, so he couldn't stop thinking about it. Nothing could really go wrong, unless Haru's parents were against him being a pro swimmer. Makoto had no idea.

Makoto lay on his bed, thinking, turning the situation to see it under every angle. He was starting to have a headache. Maybe he should take a bath while Haru wasn't there. He went to the bathroom to turn on the faucet. He checked the temperature and left it like that. He went back to the room to look by the window. It was nighttime. The sky was pitch black, no stars. Just a vague orange halo from the city lights, like an artificial sunset. He could barely see the trees, a black mass almost invisible compared to the glittering city.

 

"This is so different from Iwatobi..."

 

And this wasn't even Tokyo yet, Makoto thought. Tokyo is even bigger and brighter. Even when the sky is clear, you can't see the stars. The buildings are so tall, you probably can't see the moon either. Makoto really wanted to see the stars with Haru. He realized that he always took his everyday life in Iwatobi for granted. The tranquility, the beauty, he didn't notice them for years. Well, it's not like he would never see Iwatobi again. He would just appreciate it more when he's there less often.

 

"Ah! I forgot the bath!"

 

Makoto ran to the bathroom, only to find out it was filled at the perfect amount. Makoto sighed in relief. He washed himself quickly, removed his clothes and went into the bathtub.

 

"Hmm... That's perfect, I needed this so much!" Makoto sighed as he tried to lie down as much as he could despite his height.

 

Makoto let the warm water relax his muscles, closing his eyes and only listening to his own breathing. He hoped Haru was okay. No matter how much he tried to relax, he couldn't help but worry, it was in his nature. Maybe he should have gone with Haru. But Haru didn't want him to come. He hoped his own parents would reassure Haru in his stead, then. He breathed deeply, trying to make negative thoughts disappear. He could do nothing for Haru at that moment, but wait. Well, normally he could have said "or send a text to Haru" but Haru never used his phone, Makoto wouldn't be surprised if he left it in their room. Makoto let himself fall asleep in the bath, thinking that at least, he would stop worrying.

The door of their room opened. Makoto opened his eyes, not moving. How long has he been asleep? The water was still lukewarm.

 

"Makoto?"

"I'm in the bath!" Makoto yelled, to be sure Haru heard him.

"Can I come in?"

"Okay!"

 

Haru opened the sliding door. His eyes were shining. And reddened.

 

"Haru? Did you cry?"

 

Haru nodded. He forced a small smile.

 

"It's fine now, though."

"What happened?" Makoto almost stood up, before reminding himself that he was completely naked. He sat again.

"I refresh my face a bit, then I tell you, okay?"

"Sure."

 

Haru went to the sink and threw some cold water on his face. He dried himself with a fluffy white towel from the hotel and sat next to Makoto.

 

"My parents are okay with me going to Tokyo, to the university where I got scouted. They'll send me money if I need it for the apartment or something." Haru smiled and nodded, looking elsewhere.

"That's great, Haru! I'm so glad! ... Why are you crying then? Did they say no at first?" Makoto tilted his head in confusion.

"No, nothing like that. We just talked about other things."

"Like what?"

"Remember when I talked to you in the showers, last year, about my birthday?"

"Of course I remember."

"I talked to them about that. That I was upset when they didn't come to my birthday. Or for New Year's. That I'd like them to be more present for me, you know? Being a parent  isn't just about giving money. That's what I said to them."

 

Makoto hummed, urging Haru to continue.

 

"They got a bit upset, because they work so much to be sure I don't lack anything. I just miss their presence, in the end."

"How did it end?"

"I guess they will call me more often. My parents hugged me and my mom kissed me on the forehead. Can't remember the last time it happened."

 

Makoto ran his hand through Haru's hair. He leaned in his touch.

 

"Oh, I forgot my hand was wet! Sorry, Haru."

"It's okay, I like it." Haru smiled.

"Should have figured." Makoto laughed softly.

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes in silence. The water was getting cold but Makoto didn't care, he wanted to stay like that with Haru.

 

"Did my parents stay with you when you talked with yours?" Makoto asked.

"No, I told them they could go back to their room, that it'd be okay."

"Are you really okay, though?"

"I don't know yet."

"Hm."

"I don't know if I'll ever have a real relationship with my parents. They just want to call once in a while."

"That's still a start, though, don't you think ?"

"What do you mean ?" Haru turned to look at Makoto.

"Think about it like it's The Sims, okay? At first, when you try to make friends with someone you don't really know, or when you try to rekindle a relationship with an old friend, they can be too intimidated to visit you. They think they're a bother or something. So you need to call them several times, just to talk and catch up, and eventually they'll warm up to you. Then you can invite them, you see what I mean?"

"I think so. Why would I intimidate my own parents, though."

"They don't see you that much, they probably expected you to be upset, even when they did their best for you. They didn't really see you grow up, it's like you're an entirely new person to them ! Plus, you're already so independent, they might think that you don't need them anymore. Just talk with them, let them warm up to you. Get to know them too. It's going to get better, I'm sure of it."

 

Haru nodded, a shy smile on his lips. This looked like a sufficient answer for him.

 

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru?"

"Can I join you in the bath?"

 

Makoto was sure he didn't hear that correctly. It was impossible that Haru asked that. No way. But he did say that, somehow. He seemed pretty innocent about it, which made Makoto feel even more awful. He couldn't let Haru in when he had no idea about Makoto's feelings, that'd be like taking advantage of him and their friendship, Makoto thought.

 

"It's way too small for us both, Haru. It's already a bit small for me!" Makoto said, avoiding Haru's gaze.

"I'll make it work." Haru said, removing his shirt.

"And I'm naked! I don't wear my swimsuit in the bath like you do!" Makoto felt definitely warm by admitting that, no matter how cold the bath water was.

"We've seen each other naked since forever. Why would you mind now?" Haru asked, glancing worryingly.

 

Haru had a point. That was definitely suspicious that Makoto would only feel weird about this now. But he couldn't let Haru know about his feelings at this moment, this was too weird ! Haru would probably think Makoto is disgusting, having thoughts about him that he shouldn't have, and still taking him out of the bath every morning, all this time, no matter if he wore something or not. Makoto would understand if Haru got upset at that, he couldn't blame him. Makoto just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could and forget about it.

 

"I just do, okay ?" Makoto mumbled. "Can you give me a towel so I get out ?"

"Sure."

 

Haru gave him a large fluffy white towel embroidered with the hotel's logo. Then he turned his back to Makoto to let him dry himself. Somehow, this was even weirder. This was making it a bigger deal that it actually was. Makoto should have said nothing, and let himself die internally when Haru joined him in the bath. No, that was a terrible idea too. He'd basically had a choice between disagreeable and mortifying.

 

"The water has gone cold anyway, Haru. You should run another bath."

"I don't mind cold water."

"I know, but warm water is better after a competition."

 

Haru hummed curtly as Makoto left the bathroom, still feeling guilty. He hoped Haru wasn't too upset at him. Especially not when Makoto wanted to confess his love for him soon. This was weird. Makoto was afraid he would make it even more awkward if he dwelled on it, but he couldn't help being worried, no matter how much he'd like to stop.

He heard Haru empty the bathtub. Makoto put on his pajamas. It had a cow print on it, gift of Nagisa who thought it was "super cute! Seriously Mako-chan, I'm sure it suits you! Plus you're like our mom, so a cow suits you perfectly, like a mother cow!" Then Rei reminded him that the correct expression was "a mother hen". Nagisa probably called him stingy or something like that. Makoto laughed. At least, these pajamas were soft and well made, so he still thanked Nagisa for them.

Haru came back from the bathroom, still wearing his pants.

 

"Sorry, I just forgot to take my pajamas with me." He said, looking elsewhere.

"It's fine, Haru. I'm wearing my pajamas now." Makoto smiled at him.

"Oh. You're wearing those."

"Yeah, the print is a bit weird but they're comfortable." Makoto smiled sheepishly.

"I think it suits you." Haru shrugged, taking his pajamas out of his suitcase.

 

Makoto tried to hide his smile, but how could he pretend he wasn't happy when Haru complimented him? Haru went back to the bathroom briskly, holding the orange and yellow shirt and a pair of blue shorts. A moment later, Makoto heard the water run, leaving steam out through the sliding door left ajar. Haru wanted to leave a choice to Makoto. If he had changed his mind, he could come. Of if he wanted to talk, he could too. Of he could stay in the bedroom, his choice. Makoto went to the bathroom door, staying there, not opening it.

 

"Haru, I—"

"I'm sorry, Makoto."

"What?"

"I'm sorry that I made you uneasy, earlier. I shouldn't have insisted."

 "No it's okay, Haru! I mean, you're right, it was never a problem before. It's just..."

 

Makoto could only hear the rumbling of the water filling the bathtub on the other side of the door. What could he say? "It's just" what? "I just see your body as sexual sometimes and this is super awkward for me"? "I'm just in love with you and I didn't want to tell you while naked because that's really weird"? What could he say?

 

"Makoto."

"Yes, Haru?"

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"I know. I'd like you to know but I don't know how to say it. I'm not sure I'm ready yet."

"Then tell me when you're ready."

 

Haru passed his hand and wrist through the opening in the door. Makoto took it without thinking. An automatism. He squeezed Haru's hand, a smile on his face. Haru trusted him. He wanted Makoto to know that. Haru will always take Makoto's hand too, when he's lost or insecure.

 

"Sure!"

 

Makoto went back to his bed, looking at the ceiling. He wasn't even sure he would be a hundred percent ready to say it, one day. He didn't want to wait, hoping he would fully be ready to say it. At the same time, he wasn't sure he wanted to say it at all.

The water stopped running.

Makoto woke up when the lights went off.

 

"Haru?"

"I woke you up. My bad."

"It's okay, I just fell asleep without realizing."

"I see."

"Do you want to go to sleep now, Haru?"

"Not really."

"What time is it anyway?"

"21:30."

"Oh, it's not really late."

 

Through the faint lights of the city, and the moon maybe, Makoto could vaguely see Haru turning to face him. Haru seemed too far away, even though he was only a meter or two away.

 

"You know why my parents let me go to Tokyo?"

"Because you have a scholarship?"

 

Haru snorted, hiding behind his hand.

 

"Okay, also that. Another reason?"

"No idea."

"Because you're there. They said that if you were there, they knew I'd be alright."

"Really? You're the one who knows how to cook and clean and do everything. I'll probably set my kitchen on fire."

"That's not what they meant, I think. Because in that case, you'd be right." Makoto could guess Haru's smirk in the dark.

"You're mean, Haru! What is it about then?"

"You helped me. I thought I would never be able to do something with my life, I thought I would never like to swim again, I thought my parents hated me. You helped me through that. If you weren't there, I wouldn't have been swimming at nationals. I would have ignored all the scholarships I was offered. I would have no family at all."

 

Makoto was speechless. He never really thought about it that way. To him, it was obvious that Haru deserved all that, and that Makoto would help him. Haru is the person most precious to him, after all. It wasn't much to help him be happy, compared to the reward it was to see Haru happy.

 

"I'll still set the stove on fire."

"I'll make you food and put them in Tupperwares, don't worry about it."

"Really?" Makoto was sure Haru could see the stars in his eyes even in the dark.

"You'll eat mackerel everyday though."

"I knew this was too good to be true..." Makoto sighed.

 

They both laughed quietly, as to not disturb the peacefulness of the night.

 

 

◊

 

 

Haru found out. He saw it. He saw that Makoto and him were a couple in the game. To be honest, Makoto expected him to see it earlier than that, though he couldn't complain. If figuratively he could have said he had a heart attack, his heart literally skipped a beat or two. This was the moment of truth, and he couldn't do anything about it. Makoto swallowed.

 

"Makoto."

"What?" Makoto answered, his voice surprisingly steady.

"We're not best friends in the game." Haru said, matter-of-factly.

"No, we're not."

"We are..."

 

Haru never said the last word. Just silence, hanging between them. Makoto couldn't see his face, couldn't read his thoughts.

 

"Yeah."

 

Makoto couldn't say the word either. Haru turned around, his beautiful blue eyes fixed on Makoto. Not a trace of anger or disgust. Curiosity? "What does it mean? Why did it happen, Makoto?" Haru's eyes said.

 

"I..." Makoto began. "I'm sorry, Haru."

 

Haru blinked. A slow blink, like a cat, that says "Don't be. It's okay. Go on. Take your time. Breathe. It's okay."

 

"I'm in love with you?"

 

Makoto had a hard time breathing. He felt his eyes well up with tears and blinked several times to prevent them from falling. He breathed slowly. Haru was still looking at him in his peaceful, patient manner. Haru was truly like a cat, wasn't he. Haru accepted him. Haru wanted him to speak, even after hearing that. Haru wasn't running away, or being angry. Makoto took a deep breath, gathering his courage.

 

"I've been in love with you for a long time now, Haru. I don't know how or why it happened, but that's the way I feel about you. I have trouble believing I can be at your side and talk to you everyday because you're so amazing and kind a-and beautiful too... You make me so happy everyday. You don't have to be in love with me though, Haru. Being your best friend is more than enough."

 

Makoto didn't realize he was looking at the floor this whole time, avoiding Haru's gaze. When he looked back, Haru seemed stunned. His wide eyes looking straight at Makoto, his small mouth agape. Way more surprising, Makoto had never seen Haru blushing so much in his entire life. Not only his cheeks had taken a lovely red color, but so did his ears and neck. He could hear Haru's breathing. Haru blinked two or three times and shook his head.

 

"Makoto!" Haru said urgently, his eyes darting everywhere.

 

"Yes?"

"C-Can I go for a swim?"

"Right now?"

"Please!"

 

Makoto had no idea what was going on. Was Haru trying to run away? Why did he ask Makoto if he could leave then? Before Makoto could ask if he could come with Haru, the black-haired boy took his wrist and walked briskly out of the house and down the stairs.

 

"Haruuuu, what are you doing?" Makoto whined.

"Told you. Swimming."

"You don't even have a swimsu—Wait, you're wearing one right now, aren't you."

"Of course I am."

"Why am I even surprised..."

 

Makoto was feeling Haru's slightly clammy warm hand on his wrist. He wanted to take his hand for real but couldn't dare it. It wasn't the right time. Not when Haru's feelings were so confusing. Makoto could still see a hint of a blush on Haru's neck and ears.

Haru finally let go of Makoto's wrist — which suddenly felt too cold — as they arrived to a more secluded part of the beach. As Makoto slowed his pace, Haru ran, removing his clothes and throwing them in the sand.

 

"Haru, don't throw them like that!" Makoto moaned. "There's going to be a lot of sand on them after..."

 

Makoto sat on the sand, trying to get it off Haru's still warm clothes. He looked at Haru's silhouette in the sea. It was near sunset now, the water began to gain some shades of violet and dark blues, some highlights of orange too. Wait, it's almost sunset?

 

"Haru! Isn't the water too cold? It's almost nighttime!"

 

Haru looked at him and shook his head, made a thumbs up. He dived. Went back to the surface. Floated on his back for a bit. Makoto knew he sounded like a broken record, but he found Haru truly beautiful. Seeing him like this, relaxing and playing in the water, was really a sight to behold. Makoto removed his shoes and socks, put them next to him. He hemmed his trousers up to his knees. He looked at Haru a bit more. He was standing up, his hands drawing patterns in the water. Makoto walked to him. Haru looked up at him. Water dripping from his hair, eyelashes and nose. Orange highlights from the sunset in his silky jet black hair. Dark blue eyes fixed on him, lazily blinking, a smile hidden at the bottom of his blown pupils. His lips in his usual neutral expression. If Makoto kissed them then, it would taste salty. Makoto licked his lips, smiling before laughing a bit.

 

"Can I join you, Haru?"

 

Haru hummed.

 

Makoto walked until the water went to his shins. He hissed at the coldness, but really it wasn't too bad, so he got quickly used to it. He watched the water, coming and going past his legs at a regular pace. Felt the soft sand move between his toes, caressing his skin in that weird, almost uncomfortable, prickly way. He touched the surface of the water with the tips of his fingers, moved them, caught some water just to gently let it drop back where it came from. He knew Haru was looking at him. He knew he had stopped moving to look at him. Makoto smiled at that.

 

"You're right, Haru. The water is still pretty warm!" He exclaimed with his head tilted.

"Yeah."

 

Makoto looked towards the horizon. The sun was definitely setting. He could feel the salty, fresh sea breeze in his hair. He could tell Haru was feeling a bit chilly too, because he sat next to him in the water to bask in the last remains of its warmth. Makoto smiled. Haru leaned on Makoto's right leg. The waves were coming and going, coming and going, leaving, coming back, taking seashells, bringing seashells and seaweeds. Their sound the only one around. Calm and loud. Discrete and overwhelming. Soon enough, the sound of the waves of Iwatobi would be replaced by the traffic and the music and the raging undergrounds of the capital. Makoto couldn't imagine it yet. The waves were coming and going around them, minding their own business. The sea rising and falling, breathing slowly like a gigantic beast in a peaceful slumber.

 

"Makoto."

"Hm?"

"About what you said..."

 

Makoto stilled, not even sure if he was still breathing, not wanting to scare Haru away. He let Haru find his words. He knew this would be hard for him. He was even surprised Haru would speak about it so soon.

 

"I'm not sure how I feel about it."

 

Oh. Of course. Makoto should have figured. Didn't mean it didn't hurt. Makoto looked at the sky, breathing through his nose. He should have expected it. He should have expected it. He should have expected it. He was so stupid and naive. He should have known. If he had had a speck of common sense he would have known. He was such an idiot.

 

"I mean, you're my best friend."

"I know, Haru. It's okay."

 

Haru gripped Makoto's leg.

 

"I'm not rejecting you, Makoto!"

 

Makoto looked down. Orange sparkles were dancing in Haru's irises like fireworks, the breeze ruffling his hair. Haru was frowning, not in anger but in determination, piercing Makoto's heart. "Listen to what I'm saying, Makoto. I want you to understand what I mean. This is important." That's what Haru's eyes seemed to convey.

 

"Really?"

"This is just a lot to feel for me. I was feeling so warm, I thought I was going to melt. Or explode. Or something. Now that I swam a bit, it's better. But my brain needs to catch up with this. It's probably a yes though? I feel that it's a yes. I think that I feel the same way."

 

Makoto's heart swelled and swelled, he swore he could feel it about to burst. It felt so amazing, his heart was probably filled with confetti and fireworks. He laughed, and laughed, and laughed to the point of bending in half. Tears trickled along his cheeks. They were salty.

 

Once he calmed down, his breaths even, he sat next to Haru in the water. Haru looked at him with the most stunned face, his cheeks reddened by the sun. Makoto laughed a bit more, he felt like he couldn't smile more if he tried. Haru blinked at him some more and settled on a small frown bordering on an adorable pout.

 

"What's funny?"

"Nothing's funny, Haru. I'm really happy though."

"I said I wasn't sure yet."

"You're hesitating between being my best friend and being my boyfr—I mean, um..." Makoto coughed, swallowed. He laughed a bit more, both in giddiness and nervousness. "I mean, no matter in what form, I'm really happy to be with you."

 

Makoto knew it, he was blushing like crazy. Good thing the sun could hide that. He looked at Haru from the corner of his eye. His eyes were shining, and his smile was reaching his lips. Makoto could read it with clarity. "Me too."

They smiled, lost in each other's gaze for a while. Shoulder to shoulder, their knees grazing. The night had fallen, from an objective, scientific point of view. Makoto knew it. Still it felt clear as day. There was so much light and warmth in this moment, in this shared gaze. It made everything that happened before worth it. This sight of Haru, smiling at him, on the brink of something wonderful happening, Makoto wanted to burn it in his memory. He wanted Haru to teach him how to paint, so he could keep this moment as something tangible. The waves were coming and going around them as if nothing happened. Coming and going, coming and going, coming and go—

 

"Aaaah I forgot, I'm not in a swimsuit!" Makoto yelled. "I'm completely drenched now!"

"Do you want to borrow my pants?" Haru asked, still sitting in the sea, unbothered.

"They would be way too small for me !" Makoto whined, wringing his pants pointlessly.

"Really."

"Of course, I'm taller than you!"

 

Haru humphed, looking away.

 

"No need to remind me."

 

Haru shook his head, throwing droplets of salted water around. He lifted his left hand.

 

"Let's go back home, Makoto. You'll get a cold."

"I'm the one who should say that!" Makoto replied, taking his hand and pulling him.

"I'm not cold though. You are."

"Yes, I'm freezing!"

"Let's go, then."

 

They left, walking barefoot along the beach, looking at the stars dancing on the black and dark purple waves. The stone ground cold against their soles, the drying sand harsh against their skin, the breeze violently drying them and freezing them. It was fine though, it wasn't bad. Somehow, Haru never let go of Makoto's hand. Their fingers were intertwined. They were walking close, arms grazing, almost shoulder to shoulder, almost tripping on the other's steps. It was amazing. Makoto would never get used to this. He focused on his own breathing and on the warmth they shared. His teeth still chattered. Haru squeezed his hand.

 

"Your hands are so warm though..." Haru whispered, looking at the glittering waves.

 

Makoto laughed, his cheeks and neck and heart getting warm too.

 

 

◊

 

 

Makoto had no time to play. The entrance exams for the universities he applied for were approaching. Because of that, he spent most of his free time in the library or studying at home. He kept staying after class, asking questions to teachers and top-students. He even called Rin several times so he could help him with English. He made flashcards for pretty much anything he could do flashcards for. Makoto only thought about studying, feeling guilty when he tried to relax. He knew the exams were pretty difficult and a lot of people would take them. He couldn't count on luck for this, though he still kept preciously on him the lucky charm Haru, Nagisa and Rei had made him.

Makoto began to say no every time someone asked him to go out, even when it was Haru. He only had one week left, and he couldn't let himself be distracted. He had to be accepted in one of those universities. That way, he'd learn among the best in a really good university and he'd stay close to Haru. Only one week left. He had to power through this. Through the throbbing migraines and muscle aches and blurry vision. Makoto drank more tea, hoping it would pass.

The door opened.

 

"Ran, Ren, I already told you—"

"You didn't tell me anything." Haru replied.

 

Makoto turned around, his headache making him dizzy.

 

"Not feeling too well, are you." Haru put his hand on Makoto's forehead. Makoto sighed at how deliciously cold his hand was.

"I'm okay Haru, don't worry."

"You're working too much." Haru sighed as he sat on the carpet.

"It's only one more week! After that, I'll be fine." Makoto answered, massaging his temples.

"You won't get good results at the exam if you're taking it while sick."

"I'll take medicine in my backpack."

"That's not what I meant. Leave your books for a while. Lie down with me."

 

Haru reached out to Makoto. Makoto sighed in defeat and lied down next to him on the carpet. Makoto rubbed his eyes, trying to calm his migraine. He heard Haru stand up and walk away.

 

"Haru?"

 

Haru turned off the lights.

 

"I'm going to close the curtains too, it'll be better."

 

With that done, Haru came back next to Makoto. He ran his left hand through Makoto's hair, lightly at first, like he could pretend he wasn't even touching him. He then pressed with the tips of his fingers, tracing slow circles on Makoto's scalp. Makoto sighed softly, feeling the pain dissolving.

 

"Are you okay?" Haru whispered.

"I'm feeling better, thanks."

"Can you sit up for a bit ? I can't touch your whole head right now."

"Okay."

 

Makoto sat up, still a bit dizzy.

 

"Turn around?"

"Hmmm, okay." Makoto slurred.

"Still feeling alright?"

"I'm sleepy I think."

"Sleep then, you need it."

"Wake me up in fifteen minutes? I need to revise maths later."

 

Haru hummed, massaging Makoto's head in a regular rhythm. Makoto felt himself lean more and more in Haru's hands as his eyelids felt heavier by the second.

Makoto woke up with a clearer mind. He wasn't on the floor anymore, but in his bed. Haru was playing on the computer, drinking a cup of tea. Makoto stretched, making a small groan.

 

"Makoto?" Haru whispered.

"Yeah? How long have I been sleeping? What time is it?" Makoto looked around for a watch or his phone.

"A bit before five."

"Wait. I napped for two hours?"

"You needed it."

"I need to work, Haru, not sleep! I really don't want to fail those exams!"

"I know that." Haru frowned, then returned to his neutral expression. "But you feel better now, don't you?"

 

Makoto couldn't deny it, he did feel better. His migraine was only very weak and his neck and shoulders didn't hurt anymore. The dizziness was gone too. He had really needed to sleep.

 

"I do. Thanks for worrying, Haru."

"It's nothing." Haru sat by the coffee table with his mug, serving tea for them both. "Come sit with me. I'll help you revise."

 

Makoto sat next to Haru, knees brushing, their fingers touching as Haru gave him his cup. It was really peculiar, how it could still feel so intimate, even to share tea together, after so many years. Makoto tasted the tea, spicy with a touch of sweetness, warming him to his core. He glanced at Haru, who was blowing on his tea to cool it a bit. His breath barely audible, as if he was whispering to himself. His eyes half-opened, focused on the ripples he made on his tea. Haru tasted it carefully and drank some of it before realizing Makoto was staring at him.

 

"S-Sorry." Makoto mumbled, looking at his own cup.

 

Haru blinked slowly at him. He took one of Makoto's books, put it between them and opened it at the last bookmark. He leaned in, let his hand linger close to Makoto's, the other taking the cup of tea to his smiling lips.

 

"So, what were you working on?"

 

 

 

◊

 

 

 

Makoto's heart missed a beat. In their mailbox, an envelope with a logo he could easily recognize. The university he wanted to go to, his first choice. He ran back inside the house, threw himself on the couch. He couldn't open the envelope while standing up, what if he fainted ? Makoto was already shaking. He went upstairs to get the lucky charm his friends had made for him. He knew it was completely useless because he had already taken the exam, but it reassured him a bit. He breathed slowly and steadily, or at least he tried, and opened the envelope. It both felt like he had too much air in his lungs and not enough. He removed the letter from the envelope. He didn't read it, he was too scared. He just scanned it briefly, hoping his eyes wouldn't find the word "failure". He gasped, feeling dizzy.

He had to see Haru right away. He ran up the stone steps and barely knocked on Haru's door before opening it. Haru was in his line of vision, cooking.

 

"So... Sorry for the intrusion... Haru." Makoto said, short of breath.

"Come in." Haru replied, stirring something in a pot.

 

Makoto removed his shoes in a rush, his heart still racing, limbs trembling, eyes prickling with tears, words caught in his throat. As his brain finally caught up with what was going on, his face caught up with his brain. Makoto laughed, tears falling down his cheeks in happiness and, most of all, relief.

 

"Haru... I got in! My first choice university... I'm in!" Makoto said, sniffling and laughing.

 

As Makoto finished removing his shoes, he heard muffled steps in his direction, and a tissue was presented to him.

 

"Congratulations, Makoto." Haru smiled.

"I'm so relieved, Haru! I was so afraid... that I had worked for nothing... that I let everybody down... that I wouldn't go to Tokyo... that... that..."

"But you passed."

 

Makoto nodded, wiping his eyes. He followed Haru in the kitchen, tempted to cling on Haru's shirt like he always did when Haru comforted him.

 

"I asked your mom. You can eat with me, if you want." Haru said, tasting a sauce and correcting the seasoning.

"Really? What are you making?" Makoto asked, looking no less enthusiastic than a puppy.

"Something you like. Go refresh your face and wash your hands first, I'm almost done."

 

Makoto walked briskly to the bathroom. He washed his hands and threw a bit of cold water on his face, hoping his eyes would be less puffy. He dried himself with the hand towel and came back to the kitchen with a big grin on his face, already excited to see and taste what Haru prepared. He could already guess by the delicious smell floating in the air, filling him with happiness.

 

"Haru, did you make green curry?"

"Yes."

"That's my favorite! I love green curry so much!"

"I know." Haru smiled. "Can you help me and serve rice, please?"

"Sure thing!"

 

Makoto took two plates and put some rice in them while humming a song and moving his head to the rhythm. He went back to the cupboard to take glasses but felt Haru's glare on him.

 

"You're clumsy and you know it." Haru went back to his default expression while serving green curry. "Give me the plates first. You can take the glasses after."

"Alright, got it." Makoto sighed.

 

Makoto did as Haru told and waited at the table, watching Haru come back with the plates. Haru gave Makoto his plate, before sitting across the table with his own. Makoto was already salivating. The rich fragrance of the spices, the tender pieces of pork and colorful, juicy vegetables, accompanied with freshly-cooked, subtly perfumed rice... Makoto sighed in ecstasy. This was heaven.

 

"This is amazing, Haru!"

"Taste it before saying that." Haru mumbled, playing absentmindedly with his chopsticks.

"Let's eat, then!"

 

They both dug in. It tasted even better than Makoto thought, he didn't know it was possible! All the flavors and spices coming harmoniously together, none overbearing the others, and the textures! Everything was cooked perfectly. Makoto was getting more mesmerized at every mouthful.

 

"Now that I tasted, I can say it." Makoto said, clearing his throat in fake seriousness.

"Hm?"

"I think amazing is too weak to describe how much I love it!" Makoto moaned. "I know I say that every time you cook something, but this is the best thing I've ever eaten, I swear!"

"I'm glad you like it." Haru smiled, finishing his rice.

"Can I have seconds?"

"Don't eat too much..."

"Why not ? I'm still growing, I need to eat a lot !" Makoto pouted.

"You're too tall already."

"And I worked hard, too! I deserve a reward, right?"

"I know that... I made dessert too, actually." Haru mumbled while drinking his tea.

 

Makoto was pretty sure he was on the brink of hyperventilating at that point. Or breaking his face from smiling so much. One or another. Haru went to the fridge and brought back the cake. It was a light green rolled cake with chocolate decorations on top. Two cats made of white chocolate, a dolphin in milk chocolate and an orca in black and white chocolate. In the middle of them was written "Congratulations, Makoto".

 

"You did it for me... ?" Makoto asked in awe.

"Obviously. Why else would I make a cake?"

"How could you know I would get in?"

"I just knew you'd make it." Haru shrugged, looking elsewhere. He was blushing profusely.

"Haru."

"Hm?" Haru glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"Thank you."

 

Makoto grinned at Haru. His blue eyes widened, before he looked away again.

 

"Let's just eat it already." Haru sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

Haru took a knife and cut a big piece for Makoto. He put it on its side on a plate, revealing what's inside. Makoto gasped. It was white chocolate mousse shaped like the face of a cat. Haru took a pastry bag and traced eyes, a mouth and whiskers with dark chocolate sauce. He took another one and drew the nose and ears in strawberry coulis. Then he took one of the chocolate kittens and the dolphin to put them in the plate.

 

"That's your plate." Haru said, his head lowered but looking at Makoto.

"It's really beautiful, Haru! Thank you!"

"I hope you'll like it, it's the first time I make this."

 

Makoto took a first bite. The discreet bitterness of matcha tea and dark chocolate embraced by the fluffy, sweet white chocolate mousse, it all tasted divine. It felt so light, melting in his mouth, Makoto thought he could easily eat ten cakes like this.

 

"This is so delicious, Haru!"

"I'm glad. I'll put a lid on it so you can bring it home to share with your family." Haru replied, eating the chocolate orca.

"Really? You don't want to keep a piece for yourself?"

"I'm not a fan of sweet food, you know that."

"Sure, but it's so good!"

"Thanks." Haru snorted.

 

After they finished eating, Haru got up. Surprisingly, not to put the cake in the fridge or to clean the dishes. He sat next to Makoto, turned towards him. Makoto felt a shiver along his spine when Haru gazed at him. His pupils were blown, leaving only a thin circle of blue. His cheeks flushed and his mouth agape, not daring to breathe or speak. Makoto started to mirror him, not knowing what it meant.

 

"Makoto." Haru said, his gaze open and vulnerable but determined to stay on him.

"Yes, Haru?"

"I... I have another gift for you, actually." Haru stuttered, his breath slightly shaking.

"You already gave me a lot today, Haru! I don't deserve so much!"

"I think you're going to like this, though? Let me do this."

"What is it, Haru?"

 

Haru lowered his head, licking his lips. He took a deep breath, smiling nervously to Makoto. He shifted closer against Makoto, their hands overlapping, warm, clammy. Haru rose from his knees, gripping Makoto's shoulder, closed his eyes and leaned in. Makoto closed his eyes too, only hearing his own racing heart, bracing for impact.

 

"Ouch!"

 

Makoto opened his eyes to Haru rubbing his left eye, groaning in pain.

 

"What's wrong, Haru?"

"I got your nose in my eye. Should have kept my eyes opened." Haru muttered.

 

Makoto burst into laughter. Haru hit his shoulder playfully.

 

"That's your fault, you're too tall."

"Yes, yes, sorry. Looks like you can't excel at everything on the first try!" Makoto giggled.

 

Haru smiled.

 

"Good thing I planned on doing it again."

 

Makoto made sure Haru caught his lips before they both closed their eyes.

Haru's lips felt warm and soft, tentatively moving against Makoto. It was awkward at first, as Makoto tried reciprocating, but soon enough they found their own rhythm. Makoto moaned weakly, he could feel Haru's lips curve into a smile against him. He cupped Haru's face in his hands, caressing his hair, his neck. Haru gasped, leaned against Makoto, the shared warmth deliciously smothering them. He gripped the front of Makoto's shirt and dived in again. Haru opened his mouth, the wet smack of his lips almost silent but dizzying, his ragged breath, warm and humid, making Makoto shiver. Haru caught Makoto's top lip between his, his hands moving to Makoto's neck, and licked his lip in a satisfied sigh. It tasted like white chocolate. Haru pulled away, still at millimeters from Makoto's lips. Makoto opened his eyes, short of breath.

Haru looked positively disheveled. His soft black hair was ruffled, sticking out at some places. His cheeks were flushed and his mouth, opened in small exhales, was redder than before. His lips a bit fuller, even more tempting. His half-opened eyes, gazing at him, were shining of a light Makoto had never seen. Was that what desire looked like? ( _Take that, waterfall!_ ) Makoto felt proud to make Haru feel that way. Apparently it must have shown on his face, because Haru snorted, hiding his mouth with his hand.

 

"Did you like your last gift?"

"... You've just put your own cooking to shame, I think." Makoto exhaled. "A-Ah, but I still love your cooking of course! It's the best!"

"I'm glad. I hesitated to do it actually." Haru admitted, looking down.

"Why? You already knew I liked you."

"What if you had changed your mind?"

 

Makoto burst into laughter, holding his sides. His breathing shortened again as he tried to stop laughing, in vain. He lied on his back, and Haru's pouty face didn't make him stop, on the contrary. He could only completely calm down a few minutes later.

 

"You have no idea for how many years I've been in love with you, do you?"

"I still have trouble realizing you are."

"How could I not be?" Makoto laughed weakly.

"I wonder the same thing about you."

"You love me, then?"

"Yeah. How could I not?"

 

Haru blinked lazily at Makoto and lied next to him, getting his face closer and closer. Makoto closed his eyes. They kissed again, leaving Makoto wondering how it could already feel like a habit when it was only the second time. Makoto circled Haru's waist, lingering on the small of his back, bringing him closer. His breath shuddered against Makoto's lips. They kissed again, less shyly this time, as Haru climbed on top of Makoto. He bit teasingly on Makoto's lip. He whimpered, a shiver running all over his body. Haru pulled away, leaning on his elbows.

 

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" He asked, his eyes wide open.

 "Huh? No, not at all! I... I really like it, actually?" Makoto had no idea how he could blush more, but he did.

 

Haru's face matched his. He looked like steam would come out of his ears any time soon. He nodded, exhaling through his nose. Makoto couldn't help but find him utterly adorable. He traced circles on Haru's waist with his thumbs.

 

"Ma-Makoto! It tickles!" Haru said between gasps.

 

He took Makoto's hand, holding it firmly at first, then tenderly, intertwining their fingers two by two. He lowered himself on Makoto again. Left a small peck on his lips. And another one. And another one. He rested his head in the crook of Makoto's neck.

 

"I'm supposed to let you go back home in time for dinner" Haru muttered. "But I don't really want to."

 

Makoto laughed, holding Haru tighter against him. He kissed the top of his head.

 

"I'm sure the cake's leftovers will make a perfect bribe."

 

 

◊

 

 

"This is so expensive..."

"What are you looking at, Haru ?"

 

Makoto looked over Haru's shoulder. Looked like a real estate website.

 

"Apartments in Tokyo."

"You don't have dorms in your university?"

"I do, but the kitchen is really tiny." Haru frowned in frustration.

"Most apartments for students have a tiny kitchen, I guess. They don't really expect us to cook."

"That's true."

"Do you have a bathtub at least?"

"Of course."

"Don't say that, I only have a shower!" Makoto whined, his head against Haru's shoulder.

"You can come to my place when you want to take a bath, then."

"Okay!"

 

Makoto didn't think about it much. Of course he would go to his university's dorms. That way he could meet other students and he'd be always close to the university in case he needed something. Plus, apart from the absence of a bathtub, it didn't look that bad. Makoto could see himself living there as a student. It's really close to a convenience store and to the station, so he had nothing to complain about, really.

Except that it was fifteen minutes away from Haru's university via train, so approximately the same time away from his apartment.

 

"It'll be really weird, not to be neighbors anymore."

"Yeah."

"I probably won't be able to get you out of the bath every morning!" Makoto laughed.

"I guess I won't go to class, then." Haru turned to him, a playful smile on his lips.

"Haru, go to class! I don't want you to be in trouble!"

"I know, I know." Haru patted Makoto's head.

 

If Makoto listened to his heart a bit more, he'd ask Haru if he wanted to live with him. That way, they'd have a bigger apartment and, well, they'd be together. It seemed a bit early in their relationship though. At the same time, how could it be "too early" when they've known each other for their entire lives? The other problem lied in what their parents would think of it. Would they brush it off as two lifelong best friends wanting to live together or would Haru's parents interpret that as Haru coming out to them? Makoto had no idea. How did Haru feel about all this?

 

"This one seems good, what do you think?"

 

Haru turned the screen towards Makoto. It was situated in a fairly recent residency, at the fifth floor with an elevator. It had a fully equipped kitchen and a bathtub. The main room, which was both the living room and the bedroom, looked a bit small but it was well lit.

 

"It looks nice! The main room looks a bit small though."

"I don't mind, the house in Iwatobi always takes forever to clean because it's so big. As long as I have a good kitchen and a bathtub, I don't really care."

"I shouldn't be surprised."

"Do you approve of it, then?"

"Is it far from your university?"

"No, I can walk to it."

"That's great!"

"Yeah. I'll send the page to my parents so they see it."

 

Haru copied the link and sent it by mail to his parents. "It's far from my place, though." Makoto wanted to add, but he didn't to look even more whiny than he already was. Haru had only been his boyfriend for a few days and Makoto was already needy. He didn't say anything. As long as Haru felt at home in his new apartment, that was enough.

 

"It's pretty far from your place, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"This apartment."

"Y-Yeah, it is..."

"Hm... We'll make it work. Fifteen minutes isn't that long."

"I guess so." Makoto replied, leaning into Haru.

 

So Haru thought about those things too. Makoto found it comforting. He wanted to see Makoto often too, as they always did. Of course, it wouldn't be as often, they wouldn't even be in the same school after all. No walking to school together, no sitting next to each other in class. When Makoto looks to his left in class, he'll find an unknown face. They won't walk back home together either.

 

"You'll have to use your cellphone when you're in Tokyo, Haru."

"Why."

"Because I won't be with you all the time! How are we supposed to meet if I don't know where you are? Tokyo is a huge city!"

"Hm, you're right. I'll try my best."

"Plus, your classmates won't call me in case they want to contact you, they'll text you directly."

"Too much eff—"

"It's not too much effort Haru, you'll get used to it."

 

Haru humphed.   

He closed the window with the real estate website.

 

"Can I play?"

"Sure!"

 

Haru clicked on the green plumbob icon. He turned his head to look at Makoto, still leaning on his shoulder. They made eye contact. Haru smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He kissed Makoto on the side of his nose, where he could reach.

 

"Get a chair, you'll break your back if you stay like that." He said.

"O-Okay, I guess you're right." Makoto stammered, knowing his face was crimson and his smile completely idiotic.

 

Makoto brought a stool to sit next to Haru. It was pretty small so it made them the same height, which seemed to satisfy Haru. The loading screen was over.

 

"So, what are we going to do today?" Makoto asked.

 

Haru made his Sim kiss Makoto, like he did every time they played since they kissed for the first time in real life.

 

"That. Also... Grow old, apparently, soon." Haru replied, pointing at a message at the top right corner of the screen.

"Really? Can't we stay adults?"

"We'll grow from young adults to adults though, it's fine."

"Oh, good."

 

Haru made his Sim look at the computer for work offers.

 

"I can't be both a chef and an athlete? I don't even have a lot of work hours as a chef." Haru frowned.

"I guess the game wasn't made for talented people like you." Makoto smiled, affectionately leaning against Haru.

"I'm not special or anything..."

"Yes you are."

 

Makoto touched Haru's shoulder and kissed him on the cheek.

 

"Oh I like the lack of height difference! It's easier to kiss you that way." Makoto laughed, kissing Haru at the corner of his right eye.

"That's your fault, you're too tall."

"I know." Makoto nuzzled against Haru's hair.

"I can't focus on the game if you continue like that." Haru sighed, leaning in Makoto's touch.

"I know." Makoto laughed near Haru's ear.

"It tickles, Makoto."

"Sorry, sorry."

 

Makoto backed off, leaving Haru blushing and smiling discreetly, running his hand in his hair where Makoto touched him. How could he stop kissing and touching Haru when he was like that ? At that point, the game didn't matter at all. 

Haru's Sim was playing with Tokyo and petting him while Makoto was on the phone with a friend.

 

"By the way, can you have a cat in your dorm?" Haru asked.

"I don't think so, I won't have a roommate but I'm pretty sure pets are forbidden in the dorms. What about that apartment you saw?"

"It's not written that it's forbidden."

"But can you have a cat?"

"It's not forbidden." Haru shrugged.

 

Haru turned to Makoto, sensing the stars in his hopeful eyes.

 

"It doesn't mean that I'll keep every stray animal you'll give me." Haru said, touching the tip of Makoto's nose. "It's my place, not a shelter."

"I know that, Haru! I'm just worried for them, all alone and hungry and scared! In the middle of the city, in a cardboard box under the rain!"

"You watched Oliver and Company way too many times."

"Well, I like it." Makoto pouted.

"Because there are lots of stray animals in it."

"And Oliver gets a loving family in the end!"

"I know, I watched it with you."

 

Haru's Sim made food for the cats before taking care of the garden. Some plants died, so he cleaned the garden and made others grow at the same place. He went to the market to sell them. When he went back home, Haru made him chat with Makoto. And flirt, and hold hands, and embrace, and kiss, and kiss again. Haru made them cuddle on the couch while watching the cooking channel. Makoto blushed furiously. Did Haru have any idea what he was doing to him? Makoto sighed. Judging by Haru's smile, he did.

 

"Do you envy them or something?"

"It's not really that," Makoto stammered, flustered. "It's just—"

 

Haru cupped Makoto's face, staring at him. Makoto stopped speaking, his heart racing, just waiting for what was to come. He moved a bit forward, leaning in Haru's palm, and closed his eyes. As Haru's lips touched his, he let all his flimsy excuses become thin air, evaporating against Haru's heated kiss, turned into pleasurable sighs. Haru leaned back on his chair, pinching the cheek of a short-breathed Makoto.

 

"Feeling better ?" Haru asked, licking his lips.

"A-Ah... Um... Yes, no problem! Sure! I mean..." Makoto stuttered.

 

Haru giggled into his palm.

 

"Good."

 

It wasn't fair, how easily Haru took his breath away. Yet Makoto would never complain about it. Haru looking at him, smiling, flirting, initiating contact, kissing him. It felt overwhelming yet Makoto couldn't get enough. He wanted to kiss Haru again.   

Makoto leaned in.

 Rushing steps in the corridor. Makoto backed off, just in time when his siblings ran in the room.

 

"Brother, Haru-chan! Can we play together?" Ren asked, making the most convincing puppy eyes he could do.

"Can't you just play by yourselves?" Makoto sighed.

"But it's boring! And you two keep staying on the computer. Mom says being too much on the computer is bad!" Ran asserted.

 

Makoto heard Haru snort next to him.

 

"You're right, Ran. Come, Makoto. Let's play with them for a bit." Haru smiled, pulling on the hem of Makoto's sleeve.

"You're too nice with them!" Makoto whispered close to his face, pouting. "You can say no to them, you know!"

"I know, I just want to take care of them while we're still here."

 

Makoto felt his face warm up. Partly because Haru was so cute to care about Ran and Ren so much, but also because Makoto was a bit ashamed of being selfish and not thinking of his own siblings in a moment like that. Makoto felt a hand on his shoulder.

 

"When we're in Tokyo, we'll have all the time in the world."

 

 

◊

 

 

"Well, that's it. There's no going back from there."

"Can I bake a cake to celebrate?"

"No, for some reason birthday cakes can only be bought."

"I would never buy you a birthday cake."

"That's why you're the best, Haru!"

"No, not really..."

 

That was it. Makoto and Haru's Sims were growing into adults. It meant more responsibilities, sure, but a whole new world was opening to them. Years full of promises and new experiences. In the game, their lives were already pretty full. They had a big house with a pool, a job they liked, a few cats, and no matter what, they had each other. Makoto clicked on "Celebrate Haruka's birthday" and "Celebrate Makoto's birthday". They both wore cute party hats, cheering at each other. Each of them blew the candles on their cake, becoming an adult in a twirl and dashes of glitter.

 

"Happy birthday! Kind of." Haru shrugged, a shy smile on his face.

 

Well, they already had each other. The most important part was there. The rest could wait.

 

"Makoto, Haru! Take your last boxes and put them in the car, it's time to leave now!" Makoto's mother shouted from downstairs.

"Yes mom, we're coming!"

 

Save and quit. The window blurred, then vanished.

Makoto closed his laptop and put it in his bag. He took the last cardboard box, labelled "books, video games and things", and took a last glance at his empty bedroom. There was no going back indeed, birthday cake or not. He sighed, both in disbelief and to give himself a bit of strength. He hoped Ran and Ren wouldn't cry, though he knew it was unlikely.

 

"Let's go, Makoto. They're waiting for us."

 

Makoto nodded with a smile, following Haru out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, the whole "taking the other's hand to run away and swim together" was written before the movie was out, I guess I'm a psychic haha
> 
> Fun fact : my girlfriend and I are together because of this chapter, I guess the fluff is contagious :D

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to randomly scream at me about the movie spoilers or about Makoharu in general, or if you want to send me photos of your cat, talk to me @lepiafbleu (tumblr) and @lincroyablepiaf (twitter) ^o^
> 
> Constructive criticism is super encouraged, don't spare me !  
> Thanks for reading, see you next (water) time !


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